How do you keep from having ur past haunt ur future?

heres my problem. in my life time ive had two dads. my real dad molested my sister and me when i was 9 and she was ten. hes now on americas most wanted. my second dad used to be a drunk and get really abusive to me and my sister. my mom just sat and watched. occasionally every now and then dad gets abusive agian but never like it was. but becuase of my past i am terrified of letting a guy get close to me. and it always messes up my relationships. how do i not let my past bother me?

Well, in a kind of odd way i can relate to this...there isn't really much i can tell you tho, i can listen to you, and you can talk to me when you want..and i will always try to help you, but for this one..it's hard to let go of your past, i will admit i have held on to mine for way to long, longer then i should but i just cant let it go, b/c it still haunts me every day..it's hard to just forget the things that happened to you whether they were impt or not, if they hurt you you can't let them go..but try to keep a positive outlook on things, tell your heart that not all guys are like that, there are really great guys out there that would love to be with you and treat you exactly how you should be treated...don't lose hope babe when you find the guy that you know is right for you, your past will not get in the way...don't rush into things, try to let go of it slowly, it will take time everything does..but it's a process that you can get through if it's what you really want! Be open minded and always listen to your heart! IF you wonna talk you can talk to me!!! =) keep your head up sweetie

oh cor babe your so young i am sorry to here what happened to you and your sis i cant imagine what it must have been like its hard to forget about something like that and its bound to pop up evert now and again but just think of it this way u are in a loving relationship now with someone who loves you every time you get down in the dumps just think about all the good things you have got now and all the people who love you because im sure lots of people do

xxktxx

Here's my advice and I hope you listen

You talk about it. You seek advice if you think you need it (councelling etc). You only seek out good people - and this is the hard part. Most people who have been through traumas seek out people who have had traumas! Catch 22. You then spend your life misserable and in a cycle of abuse.

I know I've been there. Seek out only decent people and positive things and experiences. Let the ones with problems deal with their own. You've already had your fair share. This way you'll grow and become confident around good people - the rest will be easy as you gain trust.

Please remember this what I've written above. It will save you from a lifetimes hassel. Good luck/

ignore it or just live with that you past created who you are and leave it at that do not dwell on your past or you can never proceed into your future just acknowledge its there but move on you can talk to someone about it but sometimes that brings up really hard things to handle....have your innocence with it...live and do not sulkin what is gone and done with.

yes, but, the people "without traumas" are so terribly dull. and usually uninterested in anything beyond 'friends' (indifference) or 'casual sex.'

it's not about finding people "without traumas" (which may not exist anyway), but about finding people who are able to move beyond them, and take responsibility for themselves, before even considering being responsible for others, but will if they have to. because they want to. no questions asked.

girls "without traumas" carry it like a badge. girls "with traumas" carry it like a badge or a disease. they either use it to put you down for your own troubles, or they hide themselves away and never speak to you, save to lie and flatter.

I feel sorry for the latter, but I can't respect them. ergo I can't love them.

Respect yourself, guys will respect you. (unless this respect is based on pure delusion).

You can't

well as a guy i'm gonna try to give you some advice well first off you need to find a guy that his only thought is NOT to get in ur pants and yes they do exsist ya know a guy you feel comfortable talking with and a guy you trust and well just flat out talk to him about it and well he should understand what you are going through and help you and well he shouldn't mind to take the relationship a little slow and of course never let a guy do anything you don't want him to do i mean most guys will understand if you just say no and well if he doesn't listen leave right away.. and well i'm kinda getting of topic but anyways you just kinda need to move on from the past i personally have never had anything happen to me that can realate but just try to put it behind you i mean yeah you will always remember but don't let it bother you... it's over now

i really hope this can help and if not i'm sorry

ok! i no wot ur on about i was raped repeatedly from the age of 8-15 n its rele hard 2 get bfs coz wenever they get close-i get flashbks n i cnt cope wiv it-but recently i find tellin a guy u wanna go out wiv wots happened-u need 2 b able 2 trust him!!! n then he will know 2 go slow 4 u! nxt-get a councillor- u might not b able 2 talk 2 em-i no i cnt -yet tho i wanna- i break down wen i do n cnt- but its better havin sum1 there u no u can talk 2 if u wanna! the last thing is- u might never 4 get this...but ive been told the pain gets easier 2 deal wiv-hold in there hun!!!

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. I've been through the same thing with my dad and my cousin about the molesting part. I've been afraid to let guys close to me to. I had to earn there trust before I could ever be alone with a guy friend. I'm still afraid to be alone with my boyfriend, but I just try to forget what happened to me and maybe you should try to do the same. Earning the trust first is the only thing I can tell you. Sometimes you just have to let the past go and move on cz not all guys are like that. I hope everything gets better.
Take Care

~DyingBlackRose~

You accept it
You learn from it
and you try your best to move on in life and focus on the positives.

remember that what your dad did was wrong.

but not all guys are abusive.
eventually you will just have
to learn to trust guys again
it takes a long time
but talking to someone
or a counselour or whatever
would probably help.

You and I have the same problem I've always been afraid of my dad and walking on eggshells around him and my last bf dumped me cause I couldn't truly say I trusted him and he thought I was just trying to come up with excuses when I honestly told him that my dad has messed up me entirely and I have a really hard time trusting people

Breanne,

You should get some help, and talk to people who will help you take a stand for yourself. You don't deserve to be abused and you need to find a way to cope with the negative events of the past. A way to stop the past from repeating itself is to take a stand for yourself and your rights. If your Mom won't care, then go to someone who will and take control of your life. Best of luck to you hunni.

Bob, that was a beautiful poem, I have read that one before, but it was still beautiful to read again. It is nice to see you around P&Q. *hug*

-Tainted Miko