Venting

Sometimes, I don't understand my life... I mean, on the outside, I've got like the perfect life. I've got a great boyfriend, an okay job for now, and a lot of things go my way... But on the inside, I still can't feel happy or content with all that.

I've been through a lot to get to where I am today, and I guess I'm afraid that it will all vanish in the flash of a second, probably because that's how my life has been...

I also don't really confide in very many people, because I'm afraid of being judged, even though I shouldn't be. I guess I've been hurt so many times that I can't trust that it won't happen again, no matter who it is... I mean, I trust my boyfriend, but he doesn't even know very much about me. Not many people do...

And if I try to tell someone something, they usually look at me as this prissy young woman who wants the world to bow at her feet, which is totally not the case. I can't help that my life looks great from the outside.. and I definitely can't help what I've been through...

I've got everything, but at the same time, I have nothing. I think that's kind of funny, because it's so ironic. But it's so true. I dunno, I guess I just wanted to vent.

How I look at it is....

Everything in your life happens for a reason and you will have memories of things that happened good and bad. You are a wonderful person BJ, I know I havent spoken to you in awhile but you are one amazing young women.

Most peoples lives have many serects to tell. Stories and things that have happened, thats when the saying comes in "Dont judge a book by its cover." People dont know who you really are unless they are you(which by the way is kinda hard to do) you are unquie. you are your own person which is wh people love you.

You know you can talk to me, I will not judge you or anything. You know that hun. IM me on MSN or emil me bubblegirl290@hotmail.com

Stay strong
Juls

I feel like I can relate. I'm constantly smiling and laughing, but if you leave me alone I soon start thinking about everything bad in my life. I can't get up the guts to tell anyone, and feel like I'd some how hurt some one by telling them I'm stressed out or am worrying about some thing. I feel like it's better to trust a stranger with my secretes then my best friend, and it's not because she's not trustworthy. We're keeping it in for different reasons, but we're still keeping it in.

Even if I start thinking about it, or almost talk to some one I switch over my thoughts just before it comes out to some thing like 'I should be grateful I have what I have', or worse, I just drop it entirely not thinking about improving the problem and work on some thing else.

I'll just go with that theory I've been told all my life 'It'll be okay'....

... I feel so darn double sided! Either overly happy, or overly sad, either thinking alot, or thinking a little. I'm going to bed-don't be surpized if I decide to edit this out in the morning.

hey purple, I feel the same way you do.. I don't want to tell my bf, because I love her too much, and I don't want to waste the time we have together by opening her eyes and showing her the bad sides of my life..

Only, I'm very happy, whenever you see me, but inside of me, it's like on the time bomb to explode, you know what I mean? I'm the type of girl that bottles it up, no matter what kind of problems it are.. but!! I can live with that! =D

x

Bj..oh gosh -big big big big hugs- Iwant to help you, Very much! in a way i kind of know what you are talking about here i get VERY VERY sad when i am by myself it seems like all i do is cry and cry, all my thoughts just start running through my head and my brain starts moving at like 90 miles and hour it's just one thing after another...

But, sweets i have read a lot about you, i have heard some stuff about you from other people which i dont really listen to other people mainly because i HATE people that judge other people..I will NOT EVER judge you, babe Judging someone is rather stupid if you ask me...all it does is make people feel like they can't talk about what they want to, like they can't open up...and that is definitely not right..but, i'm glad you vented you need to...dont hold your stuff in hun..remember im here for you!!! xoxo

I'm guessing sweets is Tina since I doubt people are talking about me.

*sigh* It's so much easier to talk to people I know can't really effect my life, besides my thoughts. I love you all, even if you don't care about me, and I'm sure some one out there does, but I'm sure more people don't give a rat's arse.