Curious

Okay, so I used to cut... A lot... I have many scars to prove it, but the point is that now, I've stopped.

And the thing is, I was going through some old pictures and came across one that showed one of my arms recently after I'd cut, and I looked at my arms now, and saw that it's like 75% better, but I couldn't help but feeling like... I dunno.. Like I missed those other cuts/scars, or whatever... I feel like a total idiot and like something is wrong with me for feeling like that... I haven't cut for nearly 2 months, but I have urges that just won't go away...

I'm not really asking for advice, I'm just asking if anyone else feels the same way.. Or am I just a freak or whatever?

I don't really talk about my scars or whatever much, because they are a thing of my past, but lately it seems that my past has been haunting me... My mother died about 2 weeks ago and it's bringing up a lot of old memories, regrets, and feelings... etc, etc... So, I dunno, I just felt that I had to get this off my chest...

~BJ~

There's nothing wrong with you at all. Cutting is an addiction. You'll have urges for quite a while to come. Just like former drug addicts. I'm sorry about your mother. Just hold her close in your heart and be strong. It may feel like the end of the world but people go through it everyday. Try talkin to someone else who lost their mother, and just hang on. You'll make it through.
xXx Best Wishes xXx

Bri

I've tried talking to people... But it's so hard... I mean... I've also lost my dad... When I was six.. Now I am classified as an orphan... Granted, I'm 20 and a legal adult of the state, but still... I just... I don't know anymore...It just seems this pain is so unbearable... I handled losing my dad... But my mom too.... I don't know how to deal with this...

~BJ~

i used to cut too, old friends who i dont see are the only ones that know this.
But i havent cut for 8 months, and i am proud of that, its been hard but ive always got through it.
I never want to cut now, i think about when i used to cut, i have a bad day and think "last year, i would be cutting myself now".
I dont miss the cutting now, i used to, when i hadnt cut for 2-3 months i still missed doing it, but having gone this long, its just a part of my past.

One of my guy friends cut. He even said that the scars were kinda cool. But he might just have used that as an excuse.

Well, I have never cut.
Not on purpose anyway. But once I remembered that I had a scar on my knee that one of my kittens accidentally gave me. Anyway, that kitten died. So at least I had the scar to remember her by, right?
Then, I noticed that the scar had gone. It hadn't been deep enough to stay.

For some reason, that made me very sad.

//T.L.//

i used to cut but i tried to stop and have so far only cut like 2 or 3 times a month which is alot better =] but i do also miss my scars and for some reason i have to make new scars to replace the ones that have gone its like..they are a memory that i dont want anyone to forget does anyone else know what i mean?
=s
xxx

well the original poster and save me i know exactly what you mean... i used to cut and well ive stopped for almost 4 weeks which isn't that long but it was my old record and well i know what you mean like you don't want to forget but you do at the same time it's kinda hard i mean i still have urges to cut i mean i know what ya mean like you miss the past but you never want it to come back..

Thanks for your feedback. I feel a little better knowing that I'm not the only one.

~BJ~

no problem that is actually why i joined this site because well there are alot of people that feel the same way not just about cutting but just about anything and well we can all help each other =)

no problem that is actually why i joined this site because well there are alot of people that feel the same way not just about cutting but just about anything and well we can all help each other =)

Yeah, that's what I think too..

~BJ~

um....I haven't ever cut but I used to smoke cig. and just before I puttem out I'd burn my arm with it....I started it when I was drunk...and everytime I got bored after that...I'd do it...I think 4 on one arm 6 on another....but I have urges to do that sometime to....sorry bout your loss...I lost my sister 7 yrs. ago....I'd say I know how you feel in a sense....but I prolly don't but if you eve need to talk my e-mail is branbri@aol.com....that's actually when I started writing poems and stuff...when my sister died..but I've found that someone that will sit there and listen and not really comment..but just listen is good...writing also helps...which I'm sure everybody here prolly knows that but oh well

dont even tripp
gurl because i atempeted
suicde and i use to cut take pills and i still have uges to o take pills but i don cuzz sum day everthing gonna be finre i just dont kno wen
but it will trust me and if it don jus say fu%*k u
cuz u gave me bad advice and i neva ask for dat lol
but yeas i feel tha same and its hard but i get over it

yes i have been through that maaannyy times

i think its the fact that my scars are
fading and i "miss" them because
they are the proof of what i have overcome

i dont know really
i cant even remember the last time i cut
but the scars are pretty much non existent
and in a way i miss them but i dont miss what caused them.....if that makes sense?

i hope everything goes well for you
and im really sorry about your mother
but im guessing she would
have been sooo proud of you
because you stopped cutting
so keep that up!