I don't know what to do

Okay...so about a month n a half ago I was the happiest girl alive I was so in love with my boyfriend n I thought nothing could ruin it. Then I made one huge mistake got totally drunk n passed out so much...my best mate was rushed to hospital n I went with her. Someone had hit me while I was unconsious but no-one knew who and I went to the doctors for a check-up. I asked for a pregnancy test because the nite before aparantly someone said he was going to rape me. I got told there was a possibility I was raped and I went in for more tests at the local hospital. The police got involved and I've had serveral interviews. The tests should be coming back soon but I have no idea wot they'll say. I have no recolection of anything that night and I'm so scared. Me and my boyfriend broke up. It's broken my heart and I miss him so much I can't handle this anymore. The pain's just too much. My 'best friend' asked if she could go out with him. And as I'm banned from seeing all those mates that were there that nite, she sees them every day. She got off with him and it hurts so much that she would do that to me. She's always with him and knows how much it's hurting me but yet still does it. I never thought she'd do that. I'm not allowed to see my ex and I can't stand it. I just wana know how he feels about me. Then maybe I cud move on. But I can't let go of him and I can't seem to move on at all. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.I thought best mates were supposed to be there for you, but mine hasn't proven that. She seems to like it so much that I can't go up there n c all my mates. And she wants my ex all to herself. She can't help but rub in how much she's with him all the time and it hurts like hell. I just feel like my life's worthless and i have no point in living if i can't have him. I have nothing to do anymore cuz im not allowed my mates...and I hate everything.
I jus wana curl up and die becuase things just seem to keep getting worse
I spoke to my dad for the first time in 12 years last nite...I will most prob see him. He's only just got his daughter back n i don wana take that away from him...but surely if this way i'll be happy again then it's the best thing for me?
I really don't know wot to do
It sounds so selfish and im so sorry
But Nobody even has to reply if they don want to
I just needed to get my feelings out
But it still doesn't mean I know what to do
noush -x-

I don't quite understand why your boyfriend and you broke up, was it because you were forced to or something? I think you should try to find some way to talk to him, but I also think you should do your best to not upset the people that wont let you see him. Try getting people to be reasonable, it seems to me that there are too many damned unreasonable things in this story, and if people would just be sensible and let you talk it out then things would be better.

Im sorry to hear bout what happened.Not sure why u and ur bf broke up but just look at it as his loss.and if ur friend is now dating him knowing how hurt u are and how deeply you care for him then shes no freind to begin with and and you are also bettr off without friends like that.and if ur not allowed to see the ppl who were tha that night your probably also beter off cause soem bad thinsg happend to you and u dont ned to be with ppl in those type of situtaions. I know its easy to feel bad 4 urself but you just have to stay strong focus on teh positiv ethings and know everything happens for a reason.

ever need to talk
email is goblincleaver@hotmail.com
aim .. koadicintalect

We broke up cuz of his parents...they made him dump me...he dint even tell me to my face...he told my friends to tell me...they made him break up wi me cuz they thought i was blaming him for rape wen i know I wasn't...but he was the only person I was alone with for nearly an hour and in that time i was unconsious for a long time i don't know how long...but he's the only one I want and I can't handle it anymore...thank you
-x-