Love contest. Open judging. Serious poets ONLY.

:D jordan your my hero. so honest. im lazy:D

Ha!

-Sips Coffee-

Cookie Anyone?

xD

yes please... with loads of whipped cream, ice cream, and sweet milk :D

thanks.

Hahaha. This could become very amusing.

Don't worry peoples, I wilst do at least one more tonight.

The Small Time We Have
By: ∫Bëløveđ∫

The small time we have
Reminds me of when
There was nothing at all
But that was then

To see you smile
Gives me so much joy
To you, my heart
Is not a toy

Together forever
Is all I want
But when the bond breaks
Those words will haunt

So please, give me joy
In your all-knowing smile
I want our love
To last a while

I'll endure all the things
The world can throw
Just hold me tight
And never let go

In the small years we have
I want you to know
Time goes too fast
And makes us grow

So before our hourglass
Runs out of sand
Let's take a walk
And simply hold hands
--------------------------------------------------------

Simple, suttle...touching. I like it. The simplicity makes my heart smile....and for some reason it makes me think of my girlfriends lips. :D

Alright, this is where a critique of my poems by BrokenMisery comes in. She mentioned punctuation, and now I see the problem. The lack of punctuation in this piece is nothing short of chaotic. It really puts a damper on the whole thing because you never really know when to stop reading...when to look for those meaningful pauses. I suggest that you feel very free to throw in a few commas, periods and what have you. [Just make sure to use proper placement...lol. ;)]

Besides the punctuation...

In stanza 2 - I think that the second line would fit better into the stanza if it were "Brings me great joy" as opposed to "Gives me so much joy." Don't you think the flow is better with that?

"To see you smile
Brings me great joy.
To you, my heart
Is not a toy."

Isn't it? Lol.

Stanza 3: Lines 1&2 are sort of weird for me. "Together forever is all I want." It is a bit "immature," it sounds like...just an incomplete statement, you know?

That's all of my complaining. Lol.

I just wanted to say, I LOVED the closing stanza. I thought it to be very beautiful in it's simplicity. The words were touching. I love it!

Good job, all in all. Keep it up!

-J.R.S.P.

By my side
by: Lauren....(a.k.a. [-untitled-])

i want to be
next to you
i miss you when
your far away
being with you
makes my day
i need you to be near
when you're here
i have no fear
but when you leave
when you're gone
I'm forgotten
abandoned
left out
in the cold

i cry
i die
inside
it kills me
i can't survive
without you
i can't deny
i need you

i need you
by my side
for me to hide
behind
this burning desire
like gasoline
on fire
Ecstasy-
only higher
but then i learn
you're a liar

a cheat
a sneak
a crook
like a coded book
with torn pages
and forgotten
lies
i forgot to read
between the
broken lines

now i see
how you're a fake
it's like finally
I've begun to wake
from a clouded dream
an incubus
of screams
a nightmare
of lies
that's what it seems

now everything
is back
to the way
it used to be
now, nothing is right
there is no more light
the world is
covered,
smoldered in night
the eyes of the people
are shadowed
in fright

i can't look you
in the eyes
can't face
you're demonic lies
i can never
bear the sight
because of you
i will never
be alright
your lies show
the fact that you
never feel contrite
this spark of hatred
is what
you ignite

your lies
they kill me
burn me inside
make me feel
a desperate
need to hide
can't you tell?
that it's you
i despise?

please leave me
please forget me
i desperately need
you to regret me
just find
someone else
to torment
to torture
to curse

to make their lives
miserably worse

find someone else
to kill
with your lies
because no more tears
will fall
from these eyes
these cheeks
shall be dry
i will never again cry

But i want
you to know
that i still
need you
by my side.
---------------------------------------------------------

in·cu·bus Pronunciation Key (in'kyu-bus, ing-)
n. pl. in·cu·bus·es or in·cu·bi (-b)
1.An evil spirit supposed to descend upon and have sexual intercourse with women as they sleep.
2.A nightmare.
3.An oppressive or nightmarish burden.

^^^ I had to check on it, I knew that there was something funny about that word! Lol. I'm gonna be an incubus when I grow up! Haha, I kid, that's gross.

Anyways....

There's something that I like about his poem. I think that it's the broken rhyme scheme...it reminds me of the way that I write. Good job (in my opinion). I know most people hate it, but I say GOOD JOB! It's a good way to switch it up a bit, you know?

I also enjoyed the random format. It's refreshing...you know, not your run-of-the-mill poetry.

I just dropped a Dorito on my keyboard! Ahhh!

Wow, I'm in a strange mood....BACK TO THE POETRY, I SAY!

First of all:

"i want to be
next to you
i miss you when
your far away"

AAAH! Watch where you aren't putting those apostrophes! Then again, I guess if you aren't putting them anywhere, you won't poke someone's eyes out. Lol.

I think this poem needs some commas. If you're going to make such a f***ed up format (lol!) then you should encorporate some punctuation so as the reader doesn't develop weird breathing patterns. Heehee.

I think that the end of stanza...2/the beginning of stanza 3 could use some work. Elipses could bring the reader's attention away from the repetition of the word "need," also, if you added a "that" before the "I need you" it would make the lines flow more evenly. You could Also, CAPITALIZE YOUR "I's", LAUREN! Lol. You could also change the "for me to hide" to "a place to hide" (or something like that) just to remove awkward wording and the like. See, look at this:

"I can't survive
without you,
I can't deny
That I need you....

I need you
By my side,
A place to hide
behind
this burning desire."

See?

Other than that, the only thing that I must say is In the third-last stanza (the couplet dealy) the first line could be better worded. Something like

"And make their lives
Miserably worse"

Might be better...?

Anyway, that's all from me! t was pretty good, just a few minor errors! Oh, and MAKE SURE TO CAPITALIZE YOUR "I's." Lol, I must enforce that.

YAY!

-J.R.S.P.

EDIT!

EDIT!

EDITED FOR CONTENT!

Haha, kidding!

Roses In My Hand
By: lღ Ti penso sempre ღl

The beauty as I see it
Lies flawless in my hand

Crystal tear drops are burning
Wilted petals where I stand

In sync they fall together
Roses blossomed in the dark
A flower, oh so pretty
Yet alone in every part

Deep...
Bloody red in color
With love and thorns of death
Beautiful...
For beholding eyes
Yet pain for every flesh
--------------------------------------------------

Let me begin by responding to your statement. You said:

(It's short. Hope it counts.)

I say:

There is no such thing as a poem that is too short to count. I've seen short poems that are even more breathtaking than their long cousins and could even put them to shame. Don't ever be discouraged from writing a short poem! :)

And now, I will get to the poem.

Wow, I LOVED this! I absolutely adore it! It is one of them most...stunning poems that I myself have ever read! I'm not sure if this is 100% about love, but it seems to be about the loss of a loved one, or something in that area....

There are a few things that I found that met me with disfavor. In the second couplet, the flowers are wilted. But then....POW! The roses are blossomed! I suppose this is supposed to be some form of metaphor or something, but it seems a bit strange...it is a bit "off-throwing" for lack of a better word. Also, the line "yet alone in every part" seems a bit weird and nonsensical to me.

Also, the line in the last stanza: "Yet pain for every flesh" is a trifle awkward. Doesn't really make sense.

Other than that, I loved it. This poem has enormous potential and I think that with a tiny bit of work, it can be as stunning as the flower mentioned in the poem itself.

Great work, I say!

-J.R.S.P.

Yes, flying high, it seems as though I've forgotten, you. Rest assured, however, that I haven't. I have merely skipped over your poem because I'm too lazy to read it. I'll get back to it soon, I promise!

-J.R.S.P.

when ru goin 2 comment mine........its Don't Leave...i think its ok but i lik it though.....soo tell me wat u think bout it!!

^ Don't worry, I'll get to everyone's...just be patient. :)

From my calculations (and bear in mind maths isn't my strong point) I think this is still open, if so, here is my poem

The Minotaur

I fell in love with a Minotaur last night
And felt dragonflies pierce the dawn
T'was silent but for the fireworks
That rung in our ears alone

The lights up on Blackpool tower
And the charred fire wood
Were snuffed out by our passion
Of tameless chaos where we stood

Was it the hair of this timeless beast?
Or those sullen eyes?
That devoured life's useless web of tactics
Destroyed the brain's demise

He was at least 3 times my size
And I was dressed in virgin white
Purity leaked from my limbs
Electricity blinded my sight

And the wind shattered me into his grip
And we were waxed into time and place
The bubbles of passion and faerie rings
Clouds crushed my heart of lace

My fingers drooled and my tongue shrivelled
Heart was gone and caked with sweat
Windmills whirled and corn crops blossomed
Fish swarmed the skies, not fishing nets

Tomorrows shattered and light bulbs too
Labyrinths draped behind the gate
Whip ready and eyes tightly shut
The human race will just have to wait....

..........................................................................If this competition is not open please feel free to spank me and write me a strongly worded letter.

wow this contest has confused the hell out of me lol

Jordan, thank you so much for the constructive criticism you pointed out for my poem. I will take everything you said into consideration, and I really appreciate it!

Thanks Jordan- i never capitalize my eyes, unless when i submit the poem it has too many spelling errors, then i go and capitalize as many as needed.

shall update and re-enter it.

([-untitled-])

No problem guys!! :D

Oh, Sondos, your calculations are correct!

4 SPOTS LEFT! YAHOO!

I'll probably comment a couple more tonight.

-J.R.S.P.

haha wen i read yahoo u made me sing the song for yahoo mail..thanks so much:P YAY 4 SPOTS COME ON PPLZ!

Why

"Why do I love you?" I have been asked
I will tell you and it won't be fast

You have the most beautiful eyes I have seen
When I look into them I get lost in a dream

The sense of security I have when were together
Tells me that you are the one I want to be with forever

Your sweet embrace gets me every time
Which is shown through my smile and shine

Sweetness comes natural for you to share
And the ones you love see it by your uttermost care

Your elegant smile always lights up any room
Which has everybody feeling happy and never gloom

Every gentle caress that comes from your fingertips
Sends me sailing on the most divine of ships

Your gorgeous body from head to toe
Is evident as the world already knows

My heart melts from the sensual sound of your voice
While keeping other parts of my body very moist

You love me like I thought I could never be loved
And would never hurt me in any way not even being shoved

Just by the very look that glows from your eye
Tells me that your love for me reaches higher than the sky

My fears and worries vanish when you are near
Which has my head always feeling free and clear

Even though I may be so very far away
You always tell me you love me each and everyday

So what do I say when asked, "Why Do I Love You?"
Cause I know in my heart and soul...
I will always love you from here to eternity...
That's why I want to walk down the aisle and say "I Do!"

Thanks for the critique, its nice to have someone give you some great advice to make your poem better. Thanks again

I edited the poem with what you said, and it does sound better. Thanks again.

2 Spots! Yes, 2!

I promise I will do some more critiquing tonight.

-J.R.S.P.

PS Bryce Dressler, you are very welcome. This has been probably the most enjoyable thing I've ever done on this site. Thank YOU for entering!

Thank you for your critique

Welcome you are, Noni!

Yes, thank you for your guidance, its very appreciated!

~Celestial Red (Villanelle)~

When I saw you fall from heaven, all my morals fled,
carnal desires flooded my mind, soon we'd be alone.
Erected thoughts that once stood dormant, now became undead.

My concerns with chastity, turned to amorality instead,
sexual verbal libel, brought on an oddly manipulative tone.
When I saw you fall from heaven, all my morals fled.

Bestial avidities were promptly, but passionately bred,
possibilities of platonic relations, were permanently postponed.
Erected thoughts that once stood dormant, now became undead.

As you lied upon my mattress, your legs began to spread,
our intentions were identical, leaving no emotions shown.
When I saw you fall from heaven, all my morals fled.

An angelic experience, from the beginning to the end,
left our names and forgoing histories perpetually unknown.
Erected thoughts that once stood dormant, now became undead.

What you thought as eternal innocence, bled celestial red,
took what was once solely yours, and kept it as my own.
When I saw you fall from heaven, all my morals fled,
erected thoughts that once stood dormant, now became undead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-A villanelle is a nineteen-line poem consisting of a very specific rhyme scheme: aba aba aba aba aba abaa.

-The first and third lines in the first stanza are repeated in alternating order throughout the poem, and appear together in the last couplet (last two lines).

~Sean Dohr~

1 Spot left!!!!!!

Sorry that I haven't done
Much work here for days,
I've just found myself
Occupied in other ways.
I promise that soon
I will begin again
Probably tonight
Or on a long day of rain.

hmmmmm...could that be the sign??? lol well I wont be on for a few days so I might as well re-submit it now?? I can do that right??

Final Kiss Goodnight
by Póετε§Š Call Me Glen-Duh!

The time has come for you to leave,
from my side you must now part.
Here, I ask you just one thing
take with you my entire heart.

Please don't forget the memories
or the passions of each night.
Don't let go of what we had,
remember when you held me tight.

I look back on the times we shared
when everything was you and me.
There are no doubts inside our heads
you and I were meant to be.

You know I'll miss your tender touch
and the way you made me feel.
Making every dream come true
making my fantasies all real.

All those stolen, secret kisses
swept me completely off the ground.
The way your lips caressed me
when there was nobody around.

Everything from the beginning
until the very end.
Our hearts may break in two
but I promise they will mend.

The things you said to me,
on that last night we met
"Baby I'll remember everything,
I promise you I won't forget."

You caressed my lips with yours,
in your arms holding me tight.
You sealed every single promise
with one final kiss goodnight...

© Glendaliz M.

-This is a new account btw.-

My Everything..

You are the love in my heart,
the song in my soul,
the answers to my prayers,
the One who makes me whole..

You are the oxygen in my life,
the air that helps me breathe,
the strength to keep me strong,
and the truth that I believe..

You are my warmth when I am cold,
the light that helps me see,
my laughter when I'm sad,
the very best of me..

You are the star in all my dreams,
my logic when I'm wrong,
all my greatest thoughts,
and to whom I do belong..

You are not, just my somebody,
You're my world, my life, my love.
You truely are my everything,
and much more than all above..

Jordan- how long do we have after the sing before we can reenter, because im going away for to days, and and i cant re do it tonight, b/c we're leving, and its aslmost over.. and .. i really wanna re enter.. -cries-

([-untitled-])

No spots left.

What I'm gonna do now, is give each of you who entered a free invitation to join my other contest.

----------------------------------------------------------
ONE
FREE INVITATION TO
JORDAN'S
LOVE CONTEST!
-----------------------------------------------------------

I want any and everyone who has participated in this thread to enter it.

It will be titled: "Love Poetry Contest. Invitations Only!"

Hop to it! :D

PS I'll finish critiquing everyone else's very soon!

Feeling Green in the Game of Love
By: nobodys princess

If only, if only youd look into my eyes,
and see that love for you hidden deep down inside.

i want to laugh with you,
to cry with you,
and hold you for all time.

but shes the one who makes you smile, shes the one you see.
im just a friend, theres no way youd love me.

I dont know how to tell you, or explain about that pain.
You see, it hurts when you walk in the room with her and not with me.

okay i admit it its jealousy im feeling,
but im really having trouble dealing with this love.

once again my dreams are crushed.
once again my heart is squashed.

but still i adore you,
still i dont give up.
Am I crazy or one day will I finally be in luck?
And youll finally feel the same as i have all through this STUPID GAME!
--------------------------------------------------------

This didn't seem to be overly poetic to me. I found it to be nothing more than a direct explanation of your (the narrator's?) feelings for this person.

The only real poetic thing I found was the rhyming, and even that was weak.

On thing that I disliked greatly was the lack of capitalised letters, and lack of apostrophes aswell. Bad grammar just make me mad. Lol.

I'm not really sure how to go about critiquing this one....all I can really say is that some of the lines need to be shortened up to create a flow.
Such as in stanza 3. I realize that the two lines rhyme, but the second line is sooo much shorter than the first that it is just waaay to awkward and there is no flow there at all.

Hmm....Same with stanza 1...the removal of the word "down" inn line 2 should fix that up.

In stanza 4, the lines are also a tad long and don't flow well.

The second last couplet:

"once again my dreams are crushed.
once again my heart is squashed."

I find that the presence of both the words "crushed" and "squashed" almost carried along a sense of repetition with them. Even though they aren't the same word, they are synonymous and even end in the same way. Maybe if you changed this, it wouldn't be so weird.

I'd keep talking, but I'd just become a broken record. Mainly, what you could do to patch this one up is follow what I said before, and apply it to your entire piece of work.

Keep at it, and it should turn out fine. Maybe you could even add a bit of figurative language to save the day!

Good luck! :D

-J.R.S.P.

Untitled poem
By: Cori

You are my all

The apple of my eye

The air I need to breath

The tear I need to cry

You are the blood

That pumps my viens

You are the beat in my heart

Without you I am nothing

A end without a start

You are the reason that I am

And the reason I'll always be

Without your love to keep me going

There would be no me
-----------------------------------------------------------

First thing I'm going to say is that I strongly dislike your format choice. This poem would've looked much more presentable, AND attractive, if you had just resisted the urge to put so many space between the lines here.

Now. On with the show.

I suppose that this is an ok poem...a girl would appreciate it (unless she were a picky poet...lol.)
There are a few errors in your ways that could use fixing.

Grammar:

"The air I need to breath" - "Breath" should be spelled "breathe." We don't breath air. We breathe it.

"A end without a start" - "an," not "a." Remember, in the english language, you cannot place a vowel next to a vowel when naming nouns. It's just weird. It reminds me of a little girl in a movie (possibly "Dennis the Menace") saying "a apple!"

That's all for grammar.

Now, for nonsensical sentences.

"That pumps my viens" - should be "that pumps IN my veins." Blood does not pump veins...in fact...veins do not pump at all. (Yes, I know...this is not a Bio lesson.) I think that it would sound better as "that coarses through my veins."
Mais ca c'est juste moi.

"You are the beat in my heart" - "in" should be "of"
Remember that Hilary Duff song? Learn from it. :)

Alright, here's where you're going to really dislike me.

I think that this was an empty poem. I now realize why so many people hate some of MY poetry...it's because of the cliche. I've just come to the conclusion that yes, I am a fan of the cliche...but not when it comes to love.

Your whole poem was one massive cliche. You may aswell have written down "I love you to death"
and then nothing more.

Anyways, I've nothing more to say. Sorry if I pissed you off or made you feel like a bad poet. No harm meant, I was just being honest.

-J.R.S.P.

October Rain
By: Oscar

you don't know how you make me feel, standing here next to you. knowing that i love you, and hoping you love me too. the dark purple sky, with clouds all around. as the soft rain falls on us, and we listen to the sound.

i wish it would never end, this beautiful October rain, because when i'm with you, i can feel no pain. as we lay on the ground, staring up at a star. i think of all the good times, and how we've come so far.

had i only just known, it would be our last night. had i only just known, this would be your last sight. i never would have left, from that soft spot on the ground, where we lay every day, because that's where each other, we found.

but now i'm alone, you're simply a memory. forgotten by all, all of course except me. i kept you in my heart, still you're a shattered dream. i don't want to let go, but you're fading into steam.

i want to be with you, want to see you anew. so i found out a way, to be with you real soon. and as i pick up this gun, and hold it up to my brain. i'll never forget, that this is my last October Rain.
---------------------------------------------------------

'Cause nothing lasts forever, and we both know hearts can change....and it's hard to hold a candle in the cold October rain.

Heehee, I had to do it!

Alrighty, on to the poem!

First off, what's with the format? It rhymes, but it's all written In paragraphs...the rhyming would flow better if you split it all into stanzas, and not paragraphs. But as I test it myself, I see that the lines are too long and they make for a bit of an awkward stanza composition. Still, though, it would be more poem-like if it were done that way.

No offence or anything, but I HATE it when people don't capitalize words in their poetry! Please fix that, have some respect for the english language...for poetry's sake.

I like how blunt the ending is. I read through thinking "Wow, another poem about someone who died....how nice...." and then at the end I was like "WOW! He was pretty crazy!"

Good job catching my attention!

There were some sentences that could use some re-wording ad the like.

In stanza 1, "as the soft rain falls on us, and we listen to the sound. " Would sound better and make a little more sense as "as the soft rain falls on us, and we listen to it's sound." Right?

Stanza 3: "had i only just known, it would be our last night. had i only just known, this would be your last sight" I didn't like these two lines for one simple reason. They were almost identical. Sometimes that works, but I didn't find it to be useful in this poem.

The line "because that's where each other, we found." Just sounds weird to me. I realize the intent behind it's structure, but it was inaffective in my opinion.

Stanza 4: " i kept you in my heart, still you're a shattered dream. i don't want to let go, but you're fading into steam." That whole thing sounded strange to me. Why would she be a shattered dream still? Maybe now that she's gone, but she wasn't before, was she? And the steam thing....just sounded like forced rhyming to me.

Anyways, that's all from me. And I'll just say that I think that you ended that poem in the perfect way. Good job!

-J.R.S.P.

"Just a suggestion though, don't use the word "baby" it's horrible. Lol."

Jordan, let me critique that critique. Have you ever heard Tracy Chapman? I think baby is only horrible if you close your mind to the connotation and tone. "Baby" can be extremely romantic and casual congruently.

You are a terd, and by the way...Just some advice, don't use "lol." I imagine a 12 year old saying that 50tpm in an IM with their crush of 1 week.

:)

Arwen, learn to spell "turd" correctly, and I'll take you more seriously.

Oh, and I especially don't take shit like that seriously when one calls me names...that's just stupid.

If you disagree with me, then just say so...you don't have to be an idiot about it, baby.

Some people.....sheesh.

-J.R.S.P.

Scared
By: ~Flying High~

Trying to make sense of all these unvoiced, unneeded
Thoughts in my head, jumbled together so well.
Idle fingets wandering aimlessly through my hair.
LIke sewing something together without a neelde or thread.

Grasping at every given idea, thought, memory,
Racking my brain for a notion, a reason, a glimpse
Into how someone like you can love someone like me.
Tell me, how truthful can a love truely be?

Opening up my head and heart, opening up wide
Trusting anyone new is hard for me,
But trusting you comes oh so very naturally.
Holding ont you and me, and our memories.

Hopeing you too feel the same way ,but too
Timid to open up and let you in.
Closing up, sealing off these words that linger oh so
Very close to the tip of my tounge, yes oh so close.

I cant let them come out, not wanting to rush all of
This too much, unsure of yours and even my own feelings.
Somehow hoping youll figure it out and make the
First move, because for once in my life, I am scared.

Scared that what I feel isnt mutal, scared that
Your just messing around. and scared that Ill fall
Fall in a love that resembles the one that my parents had.
But most of all, Im scared of being in love with you.

Everyt time you call, my heart skips a beat Every time
Your near, all of my many problems seem to fade.
Feeling you close to me, and knowing that you care.
I am falling so fast, so far; So in love with the idea of being in love with you.
---------------------------------------------------------

I liked this...it was pretty. The only thing I have against it (and you'll find that I say this very often), is that I found it to be a bit too literal for my tastes. But in any case, it was a good literal representation of how a person who is "in love" can feel.

There are just a few points that I'm going to pick apart...most of them being grammatical errors, but they still remain points nonetheless.

Stanza 1: "fingets" should be fingers, or at least I assume so...haha. Watch the caps at the beginning of line 4.

Stanza 2: I think that elipses - rather than a comma - would work better at the end of line 1. Like this:

"Grasping at every given idea, thought, memory...
Racking my brain for a notion, etc."

I found that the end of line2/start of line 3 was a bit nonsensical. "A glimpse into how someone..." How can you glimpse "into" how someone does something. Maybe if it said "A glimpse at..." or something to that effect, it would be better.

"Truely" should be spelled "truly."

Stanza 3: Line one seemed a bit too long for the other 3...at least to me it did. I found it sort of messed with the stanza's flow.

4: It's "Hoping," not "hopeing." Hmm...I think that the stanza may work better if you moved the ", but too" down to line 2.

5: I found the first 2 lines were a bit strange. This was due to the fact that you began to use the subjects "them" and "this," "yours" and "my" with no explanation until the end of the second line. And even then it seemed like there needed to be a bit more. Don't forget the apostrophe in "you'll" (line 3)!! :D

6: In line 1, it should be "isn't." "Your" in line 2 should be "you're."

I suggest the removal of the period in mid-line 2 (if its placement was even on purpose). That way, the flow won't be disrupted by a sentence that ends mid-line.

Also, I'd suggest that you put more elipses (or even a period) at the end of line 2, so that the word fall doesn't appear twice directly in a row. That or you could just remove one of 'em.

Line 3 is kind of weird. I assume that when reffering to your parents, that you are saying that they had a bad relationship or something, but I don't think it is poetically wise to just allude to that out of the blue. It's almost confusing in a way.

Stanza 7: More grammar in this stanza. Watch your placement of apostrophes. Also, I believe that "everytime" is one word...not sure though. Lol, you'd best look it up.

That's all for now. :D

Good job!

-J.R.S.P.

Thanks Jordan :)

Upon a lover's Ideal
By: Sarah White

Lame beauty withering slowly
Against the precious life form's arm.
A kiss planted so gently
Upon a lover's palm.

Sweet teardrops of the sunlight
Bathe them in a reclusive glow
A shadow falls intently
Upon a lover's plateau.

Alas! It seems pure nature
Has followed in appeal,
So calm, the world is living
Upon a lover's ideal.
--------------------------------------------------------

I really liked the idea presented in this poem! It's very suttle, and just plain pretty aswell. I love it!

I don't have much to say about it, because I can't see anywhere (really) that I, myself, could change it to suit myself better.

In stanza 1, there is no apparent rhyme scheme...but after that, it seems to be abcb. I just can't find a way to rhyme "arm" with "palm." Unless I'm crazy, and this is supposed to be a special format, then I suggest changing that. :D

I don't know what else to say....

Ah! There was one thing, it didn't REALLY have an effect on the poem, but I think that maybe if another stanza were added before the closing one that it might be a teeny bit better.

That's all folks!

-J.R.S.P.

No prob, Beloved!

Glad to do it :D

-J.R.S.P.