POEM-HELP

My newest poem -"Drift away"

I was told that it wasn't the greatest poem. So i'm lookin for a way to make it better.

Maybe change and re-frase some of the stanza's i've written

Any suggestions?? please?

Plz. any suggestionss?? maybe a tip or two. lol

I think it was a good poem.. the only part that didn't make sense to me was the first verse.. not sure what the word barry means.. I thought that was just a blokes name.. maybe the first verse seems a little forced 'cause of the use of that word.. I may be wrong, if You can explain what it means to me, then it may change the poem entirely, but as for the rest of it I think it was well written and flowed nicely

Thank you, I think I spelled it wrong, It means like Burried.. Burry.. iono how to spell it lol but thank you.

its bury or buried, and i think that will give the poem a much better opening verse.. because it seemed forced at the start ..it tends to make people less interested in continuing to read it.. and very welcome, i hope it helped xx

thanx so much!
yeah you helped a lot

been sat here thinking.. and you can use it or not but how about changing the words around a little and having the first verse something like..

Pieces of my broken heart,
I'll forever carry in my hand..
On the beach, digging deep, deep down,
longing to be buried in the sand..

just a suggestion.. says the same only differently lol

wow i really like That..i think im going to change it .. would u mind?

no, i wouldn't have suggested it if I wasn't happy about you using it *wink* xx

haha
i added u to my favorites. =]

aww thanks hun xx i will have a look at your poems tomorrow and comment on the one we have been discussing, I'm off to bed now.. goodnight, and nice chatting with ya xx

You're welcome, Byee