Adkjsgf. Megan Is Bored. =[

Yeah..My head hurts too. Haha. :]

haha see you are bored too *doh.. not good you got a headache.. need some painkillers?xx

Haha. I'm always bored. Naw I don't take painkillers for some odd reason. =x

You like the pain eh? lol.. I tend to only take em if I have toothache, cos I can't stand toothache.. not that they work most the time anyway lol

Awh. It's not that I like the pain. I'm just weird and never take them Haha. :]

hehe, so have you done anything interesting today?

Not really, I went out to eat, and now I am writing a story. :]

Would you like to see it so far? It's more of a true thing though. :]

sure *smile* cant do a smiley face cos my numbers don't work *doh

Haha. Alright I need to edit a few things frist. :]

Don't ask me what I think is pathetic, and don't ask me who is not perfect. My answers won't be good enough to suit you. It's just the way I am and who I have become over these seven-teen years I have been living for. I can't explain things, and I don't care too. I'm just me and you'll have to deal with that. And if you choose not to then I don't care honestly. When you turn to face the mirror and you stare long and hard; do you happen to pick and peck at every imperfect flaw on your body? Do you happen to notice the stupidest crap that others most likely wouldn't. Like, a new blemish that is appearing and really is not that big of a deal. How about how not skinny you are, or how you are to skinny, and are called names. Like Fatty, Or Toothpick. Or other harmful, hurtful and cruel names others don't seem to think about when they scream them at you. As I've grown up. I can't help put to pick, and peck and get myself down at what I look like, and the names I am called. I dress odd, my makeup and hair is screwed up, the shoes I wear most think are stupid. Yet I am me and no one can honestly seem to care about that. They have to laugh and point, and tell me things I already know. Like..how my hair is covering my eye, or how messy it is, how my clothes don't match, and my accesories look fake. Or how about how, I'm not skinny enough for certain people, or how I have blemishes and get called names. Over the years, I have cracked down, and sucluded myself in my small dark hot room. Never really wanting or wishing to come out. Friends had ditched me, my life became dark and dull. Doesn't matter though. I am now slightly happy. Things don't get to me as much. I have phobia's no one can think of. I'm known as the weird girl around my town. I'm happy I am me and I don't care who or what judges me. You have to right, in this lifetime to judge or ridicule me. You are you and I am me. I don't wish to hear you pathetic excuses, or your stories and rumors about me.

(That's all I have so far. Hahaha)

hey Kristen.. how are You hun?

Krisssten.

-Glomps-

Ilooooveyouuuutooo. :]

aww that's kinda sad, but sweet too.. amazing how many people are out there wanting to bring you down.. they have nothing better to do with thier lives ;}

Thanks. Yeah I agree.

Haha after my Father pulled me from public school my whole life came to a crashing halt, I lost every single friend I had in real, and they had or wanted nothing to do with me. I was no longer good enough for them so they said. =[

aww they couldn't have been that good of friends to you hun.. good friends are there through everything, they don't just ditch ya.. have you made more friends now?

Nope. My Father is really over protective. I'll be 18 in April and he is just barely letting me go out and get a job. Besides the fact he didn't care all my friends ditched me. He hated them all, and hates most of the friends or friends I could have made in real. Cause of how they dress and stuff. It's horrid. He is supposed to set an example and he's not doing a very good job. =|

ya know my ex's parents were like that, mainly because they were jealous that she went to her friends for advice rather than to them.. in a few months time You will be considered an adult and be able to go and get yourself somewhere to live, your father will not be able to stop you seeing who you want to see.. I was quite lucky my parents have never been over protective in that way.. I think you should be able to make your own choices in life to a certain degree.. it helps you grow as a person, through your own mistakes.. I have 3 kids and although they are a lot younger than you, i try to allow them to have lots of freedom, I may not like all thier friends, but who am I to say they are not allowed to be friends with them.. as long as they are staying out of trouble I can't lay down the law.. unfortunately everybody has a different view on things.. as for not liking them for the way they dress and stuff, i think that's just ignorance.. sorry not trying to diss ya father.. just my opinion ;]

Haha. No. I agree with you in all angles of what you are saying. See when I was growing up my Father didn't let me make my own mistakes, like he did. Instead he held me back, and I have never made any mistakes, really. I have never done anything bad or wrong, and he thinks he did a good job at not letting me make an errors. I have tried explaining to him, he needed to let me make mistakes. Mistakes are a huge part of lifes lessons and without them, things will be harder for me when I am an adult and out on my own when I make them. Cause when I am out on my own, I won't really have my parents to turn too. Cause that's how my Father is.. I think it would have been better if he would have let me make my own mistakes.

Other part of the story. :]]

Now. Ever wonder: "What the hell is the point of life? You work, you eat, sleep, and work. It doesn't seem like it is fun. All things keep messing up, and nothing seems to be going right?" Any of those thoughts what so ever? I have come to a conclusion at least one point of someones lifetime they must have thought that, or something relatively close to it. I myself have thought that so many times. And thinking there is better places then where I am at now. Honestly. I don't see why I thought that. Life is an amazing thing. I think we should all be happy and grateful we are not dead. If you think about it there are literally thousands whom are dead who most likely would do anything to start over, start fresh. Be alive..I am not complaining. Sure life might suck seriously bad, and I might have it hard, and have my own issues. But out there somewhere in the world I know there is a girl who is just like me, who is pushing through her life day by day. I also have realized there are so many more people who have it one thousand times worse then I do. I have nothing to complain about. Yet I can't seem to help but cry, and complain when my life starts to crumble in between my hands..Whenever it seems to be going great, so,everything seems to happen silently that I have no control over and it all falls. When the pieces shatter, I can't help but to want to stomp on them and wish life was easier.

Now I have matured and I can actually think in the eyes of an adult, or parents point of view. Everything changes. I now understand just why my parents, and elders did what they did when I was younger. All though I disagree with how I was raised, I can't complain. I am alive, and I turned out OK besides a few things that I can fix over time.

I agree with You, he can only protect you for so long by being over protective.. although you haven't been allowed to experience making mistakes and learning through them, you seem pretty clued up on the way things are in life, and will hopefully have learnt through others mistakes.. doesn't mean you can't live a little and make a few of your own once you get some freedom tho.. I personally, although I don't really know you, think You are sensible enough to know what is right and wrong.. I think Your father has no reason not to trust you to be sensible, but he's scared you will make the same mistakes as he did.. You just need to prove to him that you won't.. not easy when you don't get the freedom to do it tho *doh

Haha. Yeah I am slowly learning stuff, basically what I am talking about it whatever it is I am writing. Haha. No idea what it is actually.. I just started writing and it's coming out quickly and I don't know if it is making sense to you or anyone else who reads it but I like it so far. ^^

Ya know, everybody has tough times in thier life, and although you say you can't complain.. you can.. there are people out there that have it a lot worse, but it doesn't stop the fact that you hurt for the things that go on in your life too.. I think your story is full of emotions and feelings, and I think You will make it good in this big wide ugly world lol

I hope so. Yeah. I like my story so far. ^^

and yeah, it makes perfect sense.. it comes from your heart.. no story is better than a real heart felt piece ;]

Awh. So true though. :]

the only stories i really enjoy reading are true life stuff.. i like to see real feeling and emotion in what i read.. stories i can cry to and laugh to.. I started writing a bok a while ago, but stopped because some of the stuff i put in there i didn't want the kids to ever see.. oneday i will rewrite it tho, being able to put things down in a way that will not affect thier future if they read it

Awhh. Yeah I don't know how long I am going to write for, but I am talking about Kids right now. Hahha :]

hey i want a signed copy of that book once you've finished ;]

Hahaha. Will do. ;]

in the mean time you can keep me posted here lol.. books can take an age to finish *doh

Haha. Yeah. :]

Some people would do anything to be a kid again, or younger. I am just glad at where I am. I survived seven-teen years on this place, and I am looking foward to working, seeing just how hard life actually is without the help of my parents. Yet I have fears, like anyone might.. I'm scared to get married, thanks to watching my parents marriage slowly blow up into pieces over the years. I can't help but to think of how it might be me. I want to be married happily and I don't want my marriage falling apart. The vows you say.. I take to heart greatly. Some people think marriage is stupid and pointless and complicats everything. Honestly, life is not supposed to be easy, neither is marriage. I didn't expect it to be easier when married. No one should. It's not going to be, and I'm not married and even I know that already. It takes alot and you need to give alot. It takes compromizes, and giving and needing. The bills, the dinners, how you raises your kids. Money, your house..Family.. All those things.

Kids..Kids..Kids. Am I to young to be thinking about the future? My Marriage? Or if I will ever get married? Or How about my kids futures? What college they will go to? Or how I will pay for it, how about if I will be a good Mother. Or if they will hate me. Since about age Fifteen I have thought about all that stuff, maybe I grew up too gast. Maybe I chose too. Or maybe my parents pushed me and forced me to act older then I actually was. I don't know honestly. All I know is when I have kids, they are number one on my list along with my marriage. So many ways to raise them. I don't want to be like my Father was to me. I want my kids to have their freedom. I want them to like me, and be bale to turn to me for anything. I want to be their friend, but let them know I am their mother and not a friend. I don't even know if that is mathematically possible. But I sure to hell will find out when it happens.

wow good book so far :)

Thank You. ^^

you are welcome.... ;)

Hehe. So how are you?

:) I am good thank you...and yourself?

lol the end of that made me laugh.. i think you can be a friend to your kids.. i am to mine, they will talk to me about most things.. just i was more of a friend to them than a mother for a few years, and it's difficult getting the respect back.. but i think as long as you are approachable, and don't blow up in thier face with the first problem they come to encounter there will be no reason for them not to come to you with anything.. sorry am just putting my opinions across as you are writing your story lol.. but it shows that i'm paying attention right? hehe

Haha. Yeah. I like..Want to be a friend to my kids, but show I am still their mother. Lmao.

My boyfriend was argueing wtih my about kids and stuff I was getting so mad.

ok lets see how well you are paying attention hehe :P