need to let it out...

ok for thoughs of you who knew me from the cutting topic you knew that i was a cutter well i haven't in months alothough there are times i think about it... well anyways i have learned to control my anger better also and i was doing great had a positive attitude and happy cheerful for the past two maybe three weeks and then last week one of my close friends died.. he killed him self... and now i am tring so hard to be happy or at least look it but it is so hard.... all i want to do is cry... and i just don't know what to do? i am so confused because he was always the one who could make anyone smile and he always had a smile on and i just don't understand.. he use to yell at me when i cut or tried to kill myself.. and then he turns around and does it i just don't understand....

he probably cared more about you then himself maybe thats why he yelled at you when you did it....i dont really know much about these things but i hope you figure it out....and it worrys me even tho i dont know you that you would do such a thing please take care of yourself!!!!

I bet he is still yelling at you, from heaven. Telling you to live, be happy, not cut. He sounds like those people so busy helping others, they seriously neglect themselves.

He would want you to be happy and alive.

//T.L.//

i think because he was helping you and probably others he was put under atlot of pressure (take it from me. its experience.) because he may have had his own problems but he wanted to get you better first. and because he didn't everything became too much for him. he was probably one of those friends who puts others frist. he wanted you to get better before he did, when really he should have concentrated on himself more. so that when he got better he would be able to look at your problems from a differnet perspective and find other solutions. i think u have some strong will power to not have cut for several months. the most i have gotten up to is two weeks. i've started smoking too. trying to release the pain in the smoke not on my arm. but stay strong. he would want you to smile for him, live, laugh, and get better. stay strong.
love willow xxoo