He's Just So Insecure.

I've been with my boyfriend for only three months, which may not be that long, but I'm still not ready to mess it up yet. So I just need a few ideas.

He gets pretty upset whenever I hang out with another guy, if I am hanging out with this guy alone. It's not like I'm hanging out with random guys, these are people who I've been friends with for a few years. It's this one guy in particular who seems to upset him the most, we can just call him J (he is also friends with this guy by the way). Anyways I've been getting a little frustrated with this stuff, so I asked him if he didn't trust me or something like that. He's really hard to talk to when he's upset, but I finally got him to tell me that he thinks I'm falling for this J guy. Which I'm not, and never will.

I told him I won't hang out with J anymore alone, if it makes him feel better. I really am trying to not let things get messed up yet. But I can't go around avoiding all the guys that I'm friends with, so I guess I'm just asking if anybody has any idea's that will make him less insecure.

I can understand him being worried, but he needs to trust you. You need to tell him that you don't have any feelings for your guy friends. Tell him that in order to make your relationship work, he needs to trust you. I can understand him being nervous. He just doesn't want to lose you. I understand how you feel. My "freind" Chris is a little controlling when it comes to me hanging out with guys, and we're not even going out. Just explain to him that you want to be able to hang out with your guy friends without feeling like he doesn't trust you. You can't really do much. He is the one who needs to learn how to trust you. I'm sorry if that doesn't help. I'm not thinking very straight right now.

Thank you for answering.

I can understand that he's worried, but no matter what I say I can never seem to convince him that he really has nothing to worry about.

Actually he's not even talking to me at the moment, because I went to the movies in a group of people that included J. My boyfriend refused to go because J was going, even though they're friends, and I kind of got a little frustrated with him.

As for the part about trusting me, he SAID that he does. He's just worried that I'm going to start liking someone else.

Ahh, I really hate all this drama stuff.

hiya jaime, i can give you lots of advice on this because i am in exactly the same position except i am the type your boyfriend is, insecure, prone to jealousy etc etc.
i told my boyfriend he couldnt sit next to his girl mates at dinner any more and he got really mad and agitated.
i told him that i was so scared of losing him and that i didnt want him going off with some other girl.

your in exactly the same position as my boyfriend was, now you Must do this to make it better for yourself.
ok so you have told him that the guys you hang out with you wont leave him for...never! so whenever you see him call him beautiful or any other name resembling them being gorgeous my name was cutie! lol but anyway doing this will boost his confidence levels majorly i you tell him this often enough.
then one day you might not like it but its neccesary have a heart to heart with him, after some romantic kiss look him straight in the eyes and tell him you think hes amazing and really suck up to him basically, tell him J wants us to all hang out sometime (and that includes your boyfriend.) he will say no at first obdviously but tell him that it would mean a lot to you if he came etc etc (sucking up again)

when you do eventually get everyone together dont leave his side even for a second unless he walks away from you, hold his hand and put your arm round him and give him kisses etc. it'll make him feel special and wanted.

i know this is hard to deal with but the jealousy of other guys will never go away, it never has with me. i have been wiwth my boyfriend nearly 3 years and it has never gone away i have got more self confidence in myself and have learned to control it but it never goes away, also dont let this ruin your relationship with you and your boyfriend or you and your friends.

just keep reassuring him that everythings going to be ok and that maybe you do or maybe you dont! the jealousy and insecurity will never go but it will become controlable....the only thing is reassure him and make him feel like hes your prize possesion!

i hope this helps and if you want any more advice then please feel free to ask me, and let me know how it works out.

best wishes
sarah

Thank you so much Sarah, seriously. We are talking again, he apologized and said he felt bad for making such a big deal. But I know this is going to happen again, so your advice is great.

I'm really not so good at the sucking up thing, but I'm willing to try it because it definitely can't hurt. I think that getting him to hang out with J will be easier once school starts, because we all usually hang out in the same group. I guess it couldn't hurt to get everybody together before that though, I could probably convince him. See, the problem before when I asked him to hang out with everyone (including J) he wouldn't. And I got frustrated.

I told him I wouldn't hang out alone with J, and I've stuck to that even though it's been a little difficult, considering J always wants to hang out with me.

Again, thank you, I'll definitely try this out.

ahhh you said j always wants to hang out with you!! it could be just this thats making him insecure because he knows J likes you and he thinks J is better than him. i understand now!!! but just show him you care!!

And you are welcome
if you have any other problems you know where to come!

sarah

No, no, no. See J just got his heart broken by the 'girl of his dreams'. He only likes to hang out with me because he thinks I'm an easy person to talk to. And my boyfriend knows that. He also apparently got mad at J for asking where I was or something, so I think you're right, he thinks there's something more than friends going on. Which there isn't.

I hung out with my boyfriend today and things were great. I'm trying out your advice, it's a little hard for me hehe.