The End of My Ropes

Hello!
My name is Letty, I've been a member for quite awhile.
These past few months has been full of trials for me.
I found out three months ago that my mom is in the
third stage of breast cancer, I lost My grandmother,
My father can't be found, and to top it off on the 9th of
September i was in a car accident. My recieved a head
injury from it and I went to the emergency room to get
stitches and the Docter must have not had clean hands
because I ended up with the flesh eating disease. My
face is distroyed now do to the surgery that I had to
have. I'm so ugly now that I hate to look at myself and
I hate to go outside. I just don't understand why is all
these things happening to me. I don't mean to pat
myself on the back, but I really am a kind and considerate person. I don't want to live out the rest of
my life looking like a freak, but I'm also afraid of dying.
I cry myself to sleep most nights praying that this could
all be a dream and that when I wake up the next day
everything would be Okay. But it never is . I'm at the
end of my ropes now and I don't know what to do.

A Very Sad :( poet
Letty

Challenges, trials, and difficulities could be a blessing in disguise.

god gives us challenges to test us

the harder the challenges, the stronger we become.

Hi Letty. I can't say that I completely understand what you're going through, because each person is different, but I can relate to a lot of what you're going through...

My father died when I was 6 and my mother just passed away this July. So, I can understand how scared you must be for your mother. It's hard, but deal-able.

As for the "deformation", I have lymphedema in my lower legs, so they swell to about twice or more than average, never get "normal".

That being said, I think I can relate relatively well to you and your situation.

Life is hard, and we always want to know "Why me?" "What did I do to deserve this?" and things like that. In reality, we didn't do anything.. All the things we go through in life are to help form our personalities and to make us stronger.. As the saying goes, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." And I truly believe that, because there are so many people going through so much and they are still here, and MANY of them are doing very well..

A very inspiring book to read is "A Child Called 'It'" by David Pelzer. By reading that, and learning what he went through, and is doing very well today, is just... well, amazing... That book also helps remind you that you aren't alone.. That other people go through a lot of things, sometimes worse, even.. But there is still hope for a good ending.

If you ever need someone to talk to or just vent or something, please pm me.

Hope this helped at least a little...

~BJ~

Thank you all for your inspiring words!
I know that everyone goes through trials, but it
just feels like I'm cursed right now. It seems like
I'm not meant to be happy. My Mom told me today
that they found something else on her other breast
so she might have went through all that therapy for
nothing. I'm so scared right now. I really don't
know what to do with myself. I'm not use to being
afraid. I'm use to being the one shoulder that
everyone can cry on. But I can't do that now
because I can barely hold myself up. I hate to
say it, but lately I've been trying to block out all
my pain through alcohol, but the next day when I
awake it's still there. I can't even escape through
my poetry anymore. I know that vanity is a sin it's
self, but I'm afraid of being alone for the rest of
my life because of this scar. I use to be able to
go to my mom whenever I had problems like this.
But I know that she has enough problems of her
own and selfishness is not in my nature. I look at
her sometimes and wish that I could make all her
pain dissapear, but I know that I can't. I'm trying
my best to hold on to the little faith that I have left
but how can I when I can't keep my head above
water long enough to pray? I also wish that I could
find my father because I don't feel that he's okay
right now and I'm starting to get scared about that
too.

Thanks again
Letty

I sound truly brave. I think you can survive.
I have never experienced something like what you have. People and pets around me have died, and it always hurts. I am naturally not very attractive, so I may never, say, get a boyfriend. If I ever did, it most certainly wouldn't be because of my looks. But, I don't mind.
Who you are cannot be seen on the outside... everyone must look deeper than scars, wounds, fat, or any other corporal features.
By your writing, you sound beautiful inside, and that is what truly counts.

//T.L.//

Thank you Truest Lies,
I understand what your saying, but it's just so hard for me right now. Things are happening to me too fast and the pressure is almost unbareable. I try to keep my faith so that it can lead my way, but after these endless obstacles I feel like I'm wasting my time. I really don't have much going for me right now. I feel lower than dirt. I thank you again. It's people like you guy's that answered my post that makes me hold on longer.

Love
Letty

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-13