I need to help her, but I don't know. =S

My sister, she is 19, she has been dating this guy since she was 16. He would constantly cheat on her and leave her for others and then come crawling back to her when things didn't work out. She moved away with him when she was 18, and at that point it was their third try at their relationship. Every winter and summer I go to her house and stay with her there to visit.

Last summer I was there for a month, and while I was there, I seen some things I had never thought were happening to her. Me and her were watching a movie, and he came home from work and immediately wanted the television to himself. She told him to wait 5 minutes until the movie was over and he threw a fit. He slapped her, choked her, and screamed at her. He threw her up against a wall and grabbed onto her wrist and squeezed it until she let go of the remote. She told him to leave so he called his brother crying and making Tanya look like the bad one and then he left with Layne.

When he was gone, I talked to her and asked her why she put up with it, and she told me she loved him. Which I didn't get. Now, a few months ago, since he works in the bar at his parents restaraunt and Tanya is a cook, she told him she was going upstairs to bed and he said he'd be right there. She turned on a movie and passed out and then woke up 2 hours later and he still wasn't home. When she went down to the bar, all the lights were off, and in the corner, Zen was giving a lap dance to a 40 year old woman. He is 22.

Tanya cheated on him a few weeks later. After Zen had found out he flipped out on her and told her that her punishment was to have a threesome and he got to choose who. He constantly followed her everywhere, to all the parties she went to, he would stand a bit away and spy on her with bonoculars.

Now, Zen was dating a 15 year old girl and Tanya found out and told him to choose. He chose the 15 year old who a few days later, cheated on him with a 26 year old guy. Zen immediately went to where Tanya was staying and begged her to take him back and told her all he did was kissed some 13 year old. Tanya refused to take him back and he slapped her across the face. When Tanya was crying, Zen's Mom told her to "Grow up because you're actnig like a little school girl drama queen." And now Zen is doing crack and is all messed up.

I nkow she loves him, and I know she is considering taking him back. But after all of that, I can't seem to get it through to her that she needs to leave him. She won't listen. And she lives 5 hours away from me so it isn't like I can stay at her house and not let her near him. What can I do?

-Jenna.

Sorry, that was really long lol.

-Jenna.

My Mom is aware of what is going on. My Dad rarely comes around anymore so he does not know. His parents both know but tell her that she is the one that is being immature about the whole situation. Yeah I know she doesn't want to have her children growing up on that kind of atmosphere, that's why she told them while they were engaged for a year or so that she did not want children yet and he tried to switch her birth control and everything so that she would get pregnant and have no way out of the relationship. It's all messed.

-Jenna.

She lives five hours away. I have told people. And I have told a police officer that I know and talk to. He didn't do anything about it. He didn't believe me.

-Jenna.

All I can say is be persistent. Don't let anyone think you're lying. You know what you have seen and no one should question your integrity. Just keep talking to your sister. My sister has been in many of those types of relationships, as had my mother.

She may say she's in love with him, but she's not. I know this sounds really stupid and weird, but she's in love with (more like addicted to) the abusive behavior, because it's attention. She's craving attention, but he only gives her that kind, so she feels she needs it.

My sister used to come home with a new bruise everyday she was wither her old boyfriends. I would have to call the police almost everytime he came over, because they would get into a fight.

Suggest to your sister that she go to counciling... I know she probably won't want to, but I really think that it's a mental imbalance that's causing her to keep herself in that situation. That's what the problem was for my sister at least...

Anyway, hope I helped a little... I wish you and your sister the best of luck.

~BJ~