Serious Help Needed.

Okay, this is more than likely going to be long..so thanks ahead of time to whoever will read it and help me.

I was always a Dadd'y little girl, ever since I was just a child. He was always there for me and he was always the one who would run at any sound to grab me from my crib, he was the one who taught me to ride a bike - to tie my shoes. He always took my side and always stood up for me. He would always try his hardest to cheer me up and he was just such a great father to me.

Than, about a year ago - as every year when fall and winter came - he'd go hunting. He would stay out in the fields for days at a time which was odd to me because he'd usually always come home. He was out in the fields with his normal hunting buddies - but they were smoking crack.

He was lying to my Mother for months. Until one night when he went to pick up a friend and his trailer from the city and he told her that he'd be back that night. He was back - but he never came into the house. He stayed in the trailer with his friend. They were smoking crack and when my Mother confronted him the next day; he told her and she flipped out.

He is diabetic. He gets these bumps on his back that the hospitals are constantly having to remove for him. They are disgusting and they are there from eating improperly and not taking the right intake of pills and insulin. He went out of town to Fort McMurray for work for a few weeks and he'd call everynight until one night. We didn't hear from him again for a week or so.

When my Mother asked him how work was going he said his stay got extended and he needed to stay longer but he was thinking and thought it'd be best if they took time off and thought about their marriage. He called her at work - this is at work. My Mom started bawling and she had to sit in the back at work while she cried. She hid this from me for weeks until she finally decided to tell me. She still hid the drug part from me.

I was really sad when I found out that my Dad wanted more out of his life than what he had here at home. We had it pretty good before. We have a nice house in an alright town and we were getting by just fine. Until we started running out of money frequently and I had to ask my Mom why. She told me about the drugs and I flipped out. My Dad wouldn't answer my phone calls or messages. I just wanted to hear his voice... I wanted to know when he was coming back home. But he never called and never answered.

When their anniversary came, he promised her that he would take her out for dinner so they could talk. Mother's day this year was the same day as their anniversary. She never got anything for either from him. He wasn't there to sign his own Mother's card before it was sent away. He chose the drug.

His friends were what got him doing it. He said they looked like they were having so much fun and that's what he wanted - fun. But before he'd always talked about retiring and moving out to the lake with me and my Mom after my brother had moved out and we'd open a bar/resaraunt where he'd chef and whatnot. A family business. Me and him looked at lots where we could build it and we had it all planned out...and then this?!

His one friend that was staying in the trailer with him was constantly bringing home girls and doing stuff in his trailer and then one girl - my Dad did stuff with as wwell as his friend did. He had an affair for two months straight and kept it from my Mom. When he was off of work he stayed at some sleazy hotel in the city with her instead of coming home to his family that was in desperate need of seeing or hearing from him to know if he was okay.

His good friend called my Mom one night and told her everything. This was in July. My Mom called my Dad and flipped out and when he came home they got in a huge fight and decided to seperate but he has been trying to stay with her. Feeding her all of these lies about how he'll go to rehab but never actually submitting himself. He comes to town but never comes to see us!

I told him if he didn't clean his act up before it is too late than he is going to die. I have even started calling him Dave instead of Dad. I cry everynight about it. I often breakdown in school. I can't concentrate on anything. I have started drinking uncontrollably again. And I have started doing drugs again. I have lost all will to stay away from these things. I have my family's habit. Everyone in my family is messed. But I can't seem to stop. They calm me and keep me going. I don't know why!

And the weirdest things is that I thought I'd be happy that he was gone. No more ruining our lives. But I can't stop thinking about him and I miss him so much. I just want to talk to him and get him to realize what he is doing but I can't seem to do that!

Can someone PLEASE tell me what to do? How to help him and the rest of my family? I can't take this anymore...

-Jenna.

Honestly, I can't tell you what you should do. What would be the best thing in this situation is up to you, but I can give you advice. I think the best thing you can do for your family is to be there for them and do your best to keep everyone close at heart. About your dad... There's nothing you can do to make him stop doing drugs and hurting your family. That decision is up to him. I don't know the whole situation, but if you can I would try to sit down with him at some point and talk to him, tell him exactly how you feel, show him the emotions that he has caused. Explain how the family and how your life personally has taken a turn for the worst because of his immature actions. And on your part...I know that addictions are hard...but you really should try to quit the drugs and alcohol stuff, but I'm sure you know that. You are turning down the same path as your dad in that aspect and depending on whether or not your family knows about it, I'm sure they are worried [or would be if they knew]. I hope that no matter what you choose to do things get better for you. I can't imagine what it must be like to be in this situation---

Good Luck---

I'm at a strange loss of words to try to advise you on what to do. Pardon me if I am frank, but it doesn't sound as though your father is worth you drinking yourself into a haze for.
He left your family, he has done enough harm, and now to start taking drugs and drinking again, you are literally finishing yourself off.
You ask your father to stop taking drugs, and take them yourself... although I know what it's like, to be completely and utterly without hope, you grab onto any vice that you can.
I have heard that you can't help someone unless they want to be helped. If he is passed the point where he even wants you to try to assist him, then perhaps it is best to let him go.
I am sorry, I am in way over my head and so my "advice" is only theories. I don't mean to hurt your feelings in any way, and if I have, then please disregard what I just wrote.

//T.L.//

Arcane,

We are there for him whenever we can be. He knows that we are just a phone call away and I don't blame him for not really wanting to call to talk to me or my Mom or brother because we hve blew off on him more than he deserved I guess. But it hits me hard when my brother cries to me about how he wants to kill himself because he feels it is his fault. And he hardly ever talks to me about anything - for him to come out and just admit that to me is utterly unbelievable for me. I don't know.

I am quitting the drugs, I'm not doing the ones I used to. I have quit those and promised my boyfriend I would stay off of them for him. But I smoke weed every so often which I know I shouldn't but it's hard.

Thanks for the advice. I appreciated it.

-Jenna.

Bob,

I am so sorry to hear about that guy you took care of and I guess that's where you realize others have it off a lot worse than you do. But it just is so weird considering how he used to be. And maybe you are write, maybe this is his path. It's just hard knowing he has extreme diabetes and he eats very unhealthy, does drugs and no longer takes his pills. His pills are sitting in the bathroom cabinet right now and I see them everynight as I get ready for bed and yeah. I don't know.

I guess it makes sense how guys prove their love. Girls are much more outspoken about it most of the time and men are more secretive about it. Thank you for the advice and the words of wisdom. I appreciated it.

-Jenna.

Truest,

I know that it is not worth it. I have been into alcohol since I was twelve, and the bottle is something I can't seem to ever put down. I know it isn't good for me and it hurts all the people around me, it's just, gah I don't even know how to explain it. I am my own worst enemy I guess.

I know I asked him to, and I seem like such a hypocrite for it. But I care about him. I just hate seeing him go down that path and not being able to quit. He has opened up for help before, and the poem I wrote for him called "Shattered Screams" made him cry so hard and he said it helped him but he just lies about it. Which makes it confusing because I will think he actually wants help when he really just wants us to shut up about it. You know? Maybe that's what is for the best though; just shut up about it and let him make his own mistakes.

But thanks. I really apperciated it.

-Jenna.

I feel so bad for you because my sister and her family are going through the same thing,Her husband is strung out on crack and puts it before everything in his life including his children,he used to be a great father,involved in everything they were doing, the truth is though theres not much you can do they have to want the help, there comes a point where you have to save yourself,get help if you need to but don`t go down the same destructive path that he is on,be strong enough to admit you need help with your own problem,theres no shame in that, and help is out there if you reach out for it, I wrote my poem "Dear Daddy" from my little nieces point of view. I will be praying for you,good luck.

Deana,

Thank you so much! I loved that poem and I bawled when I read it cuz that's what my Dad is doing right now. I am so sorry for your neice, she is alot younger and more vulnerable for pain. My heart goes out to her and your family.

I have admitted I need help. I've got a close friend of mine helping me. =]

Thanks again Darling.

-Jenna.

Bob,

I am being myself. I don't change for anybody but me. And if people don't like me for who I am than that's their own problem; not mine. I see no point in pretending to be someone I'm not cuz sooner or later people are going to see the real you and are going to realize you were pretending the whole time.

-Jenna.

Jenna, you may not want this answer,,,,or you might. PLEASE PRAY>ASk God first to help and guide your dad. To open his eyes and his heart to see his destuctiveness. Second, pray for your strength to NOT follow in his footsteps. What you dislike about him, YOU are doing.
Third, pray that you will be reunited...when you both are healthy emotionally. I fear it would'nt be good otherwise. I am sorry for what you are dealing with. BE STRONG with the Lord by your side. Read inspirational books, the Bible, and surround yourself with people you know that are real friends/family who love you. I'll be rooting for you, Jenna and praying.
Laurie, someone who cares

i can't begin to understand what ur feeling, but i offer my best wishes.

xxx

Laurie,

I have been praying for him. And I am not doing the same things that he is, I stopped all the hardcore drugs and right now my boyfriend is trying really hard to help me with my drinking but yeah. Thanks for caring hunn, I really appreciated it. And lately I have been pushing most of the close ones away but I will be okay to talk to them in a week or so. I just hate being over crowded with questions from everyone all day long and yeah. But thanks again Darling you really helped.

-Jenna.