Im in serious need of help..

Okay so here's my deal, sorry if its long:

I'm 14 and i have amazing friends..i think?
Anyways thats a whole different story. Basically, both my parents died, my mother who died when i was barely born of suicide, my dad who just recently died because of suicide also. Well anyways, i have two older sisters who have accomplished more then i could ever. I'm really preppy and high maintenence at times and smile A LOT. That's only cause im as fake as I show it off. I only smile and act happy around everyone else, but when it comes down to reality, I'm as depressed as it can almost get..
Honestly, everynight i can't get to sleep because im too busy crying my heart out. When I'm a lone all i can think about is thinking of different ways to how i would want to end my life. I can't stand being depressed anymore, and im just tired of my life. I mean, i just sometimes wish i had enough courage to take a knife to make one final slit across the wrist. I've been taking pills hoping one night i would just slip into death's arm and never wake up. I can't eat anymore, i cant stop thinking. I seriously have soo many thoughts going inside my head at once, and i cant take it anymore. I have thoughts of suicide, and i have soo much problems in my life. It seems that I'm perfect on the outside, but in the inside i feel like it's all ending slowly and painfully. Most of the time i just feel like not eating and just stop eating completely sometimes. My friends think im happy, my family thinks im happy, but all my family can really do is criticize me about everything. How i dress, how i get fatter everyday, how i can improve on my looks. HONESTLY! I'm freaking 97 lbs. Im so overwhelmed with my looks now all thanks to my family, my friends always say i look perfect, but sometimes it gets a little old and i start to loose interest on how they really feel about me..
What am i to do? Please someone help!

Congratulations. Youve completed the first step of recovery. Youve admitted theres something wrong. I think you need to talk to an adult about these thoughts you're having. a friend's parent? school teacher? school giudance councelor? is there anyone. you do need help(im not trying to sound mean) but you know how it feels to lose loved owns to suicide, dont cause others the same pain. just remember that until you talk to someone. also, stop taking drugs. i think you also need to stop listening to your family. they seem to have taken the hardship of your parents's suicides differenlty, instead of being loveing. theyre lashuing out.

Good Luck. And stay Strong. -remember only a few more years, and you can leave.. =]

If you want any other help and are not on here. you can email me-missbehavior826@yahoo.com or aim- MyLonelyDisaster . && i will try to help you. =]
x.x:Lauren

i understand what you say, crying at night is just like me too... listen at my opinion and personnal experience: let your friends help you, thats what they want but dont turn your back on them afterwards... i almost lost my best friends that way last year, all they wanted to do was help me but i was too busy at wanting to find ways to end my life to notice it. im sorry that your parents died i understand how you feel (my godmother died when i was 4 and im really not close to my parents so it would be as if they were dead)i really feel your pain. i know crying eveynight and not sleeping is the truth because im the same, i do the same damn thing everynight thinking that people would be better off without me. and im wearing the same mask as you, everyday when im at school i feel like if people see a diferent me and they do because it seems that every morning i put a mask on a mask that just isnt me and people dont notice. sometimes i even feel helpless but when it comes that i help someone out for something it makes me feel a little better, it doesnt stop me from crying but still i see that person smiling and thats what counts. im seeing a councillor at school because i have big problems with my parents and it isnt fun at all (everytime the day never seems to end and i just wish i could find the closest corner to fall into and cry)...

my point is dont give up and dont hurt yourself for your past and definetly dont let no one tell you that your fat because 97lbs really isnt big... your a great person and i know that and others do to just hold on! i mean seeing the councillor and trusting my friends and finding ways to deal with my pain (not pills or anything to kill myself) i found a way to live a happy life.sure i cry a couple of night in a week but im way better. DONT GIVE UP!

sorry about talking bout me but i just wanted to give you an example so youd see that your not alone...! hope it helps, ill check in this postage as soon as possible to see how your going

hope it helps

sarah

I'm so sorry to hear about your parents, but take a step back and think for just one second.
Suicide is a selfish act.
Think how much you're hurting now because your parents did it, your family are feeling the same.
This is the time you need to stick together, talk to your older sister, let her know how you feel. It might make them see that they need to go easy on you as you aren't taking it as well as they think you are.
It will bring you closer and you'll have a tighter bond with them.
Please don't commit suicide, it wont gain anything, it'll be another statistic to those who don't know you, but to those who do, it will sink them into depression and I'm sure at least one will follow you because of it.

Let your true feelings show, don't try to bottle them up and not let anyone see your pain. You're young and you've been through a lot, you need family and friends to depend on. Talk to people close to you about how you really feel. Don't be afraid to let people see you are hurting, your reasons are completely justified. I am so sorry about your parents :(

yah..thanks, but i mean it's not like they'll understand. They live in a complete different world then i do, and by that i mean they'll never like truly never understand how i feel. Even if i do try to tell them, they'll just think im dramatic because of the way i am. Most people think Im the drama queen, but honestly inside, it's a complete different story. I dont know how to explain my family, it's complicated sort of. Basically, everyone who's in this family, can't have problems. Maybe that sounds a little weird, but i mean everyone in my family's a success story, and im not. I hate how they think everyone has to be perfect. I hate how they treat me like i HAVE to do these things, and how i HAVE to live up to their standards. How i have to LOOK a certain way. That's why i cant tell them, and if i ever do, all they would do is send me off to a phychiatrist who thinks im crazy. I just dont want their views of me to change. As for my friends, same thing applies to them as well. I just seriously don't know who to turn to anymore..

you know, if they sent you off to a therapist that wouldn't be all that bad. a therapist would understand that what you're going through really is tough and serious, and maybe she/he could explain to your family that you're not crazy and they need to support and be there for you. you're young and you need people to depend on. if they heard from an adult that you need help, maybe they'd stop brushing you off like your feelings are meaningless. i see a therapist, and all that stereotypes about therapists are generally untrue. they really do want to help and listen to you.