I Know...I'm Stupid..Can Someone Just Tell me What To do..

I know this is a lot to read but i'd greatly appreciate it if you did... i need someone..
My boyfriend(damen) just dumped me we had been going out for like a 1 1/2...and i know that doesn't seem like a long time...but i never ever let myself get attached to anybody..and that's why i had never gotten a kiss before or stuff like that because when a guy would try i would push them away...i'd want them to back off and leave me alone...and with this new guy i actually let him in...i actually felt different for him...i knew i could trust him..and i knew i could let him in...and i wanted to give him a chance...so...yea i got my first kiss with him...and tons of memories with him...and ugh...i don't know what happened...this guy brett that i was friends with wouldn't stop touching me and stuff because he likes me and i keep telling him to get his hands off and i'm like i have a boyfriend i'm not like that and plus i don't like you...and he doesn't get the hint...and damen is getting pissed because he doesn't like the fact that another guy is putting his hands on me...but damen ain't doing anything about it though he's just getting pissed and kind of blaming me...and someone told damen that i was going to cheat on him..and he won't tell me who told him that...and i tried telling him and tried explaining to him that i'm not like that, that i wouldn't do anything to hurt him...because i cared about him and stuff...but he doesn't really want to listen to me..and i don't know what to do...he's broken up with me like 3 times this passed week and he keeps coming back to me...the first time he broke up with me i was really upset..and i didn't know what to do...i asked him why and he wouldn't tell me why.. but then that night him and his brother came over to hang out and we all started hanging out and stuff...then he started kissing me and stuff....and i couldn't help it i fell into his arms...and i fell into him...and just started kissing him back and stuff...and then we went to my friend alex's house that night and he broke up with me at his house he said he couldn't do it because he said that he thinks that my mom is loosing trust in me and he doesn't want my mom to loose my trust...and he doesn't know if he can trust me from all the rumors that have been told...and i started crying and he's like " don't cry your going to make yourself look bad infront of all your friends,i just want to be friends with you"...then the next day i was sooo upset so i slept over my friends house and stuff and then we snuck out at 1o'clock in the morning and can i tell you something it was friggen freazing living in newhampshire and sneaking out ain't so good when it's winter but yea it was me my friend alex(who's a girl) myrina my sister jean and then there was gabe brett eli and kyle and we were all hanging out and stuff and we went to the playground to have funn and i wouldn't let brett get close to me because i didn't want anyone to start shit and i didn't want him near me anways because i don't like him and i hate him...omg!! i hate him but yea..i was freazing and we talked and stuff and i hung out with eli and he was awesome and he made me feel better...but i still wanted damen back...i love damen..and..then like a day later he called me back up and we talked like we usually did and then he asked me back out, and i kinda knew i shouldn't have but i really like him and i said yes...and then it was all fine and stuff...until 2 days....he wouldn't really hold me or he wouldn't really touch me..and i'm like what's wrong and he wouldn't tell me...and then our friends showed up and he wouldn't even like talk to me at all...and i started crying because i started to think of some things...and i went to see my friend and she hugged me while i was crying and he was like "look at that emo group, they're so stupid" and it kinda pissed me off because there is nothing wrong with emo's at all ugh..anyways...back to the thing...and i wanted to talk to him so i pulled him inside my garage for a few seconds...and i'm like damen what's going on...i'm getting confused and i'm getting really upset with you...and he's like"let's talk about this later ok" and i'm like "no i don't want to let's talk about this now" and he completely walked away from me so i was upset i went in my room and cried and a few of my friends followed...and they talked to me...and they felt bad...well then we all were suppose to go to my friend alicias house and damen and them already started walking and it pissed me off because he didn't even care he didn't come in to see if i was ok at all he just completely blew me off to go talk to one of my friends....and so we were walking and i was really upset at this point... and i had like an emotional breakdown...and just started acting like completely stupid...i took off all of my jackets...and can i say it is freezing out in new hampshire with snow and stuff lol...and i was skipping and stuff and i was singing and stuff...and he just didn't do anything he just kept walking and didn't say one word to me...he didn't care...and then when we got to alicia's house he stayed outside on her stairs and talked to one of my friends for a bit..and it kinda pissed me off because i felt that he liked her and that she liked him...and it hurt me really bad...because i hated the fact that he rather talk to her then me...but then he came inside...and we were all having fun..well i wasn't but i was singing and stuff...and then he went outside...so i followed..it was just me and him...and i'm like damen why won't you talk to me what is up with you..? are you ok?..and he goes no i just don't want to do this anymore...and i started to cry... and i sat down right next to him and i asked him why... and he's like well everytime i'm with you...you're all i can think about...and i have some things i should be thinking about right now because a lot of stuff is going on in my life...and i can't think about it when i'm with you...and he's like then the fact that my sister might be having a baby and i might have to move back up there to help her out...(and she's not having a baby cause i talked to her about it yesterday)and then he said it was my mom and how she didn't like me...and then it was the fact that someone was telling him things...and the things that someone is telling him arn't true and he doesn't believe me he rather believe them than...me...he rather...ugh....and i looked at him and said that...and then i said my mom does like you it's just she's a lil protective and she doesn't want you to hurt me..and he goes well she has a good way of showing that she likes me...and stuff like that...and then we kissed and i started crying...and he said i just can't do it anymore ok...we can be friends like best friends cause that's what i want i want to be best friends with you...but i just can't do this right now...maybe some other time we can...but just not right...now...he said he had some feeling problems..and then i started crying...and stuff...and then he pulled me close and let me cry on his sholder...ohh...god i love being in his arms...it makes me feel so complete...and ugh...i just started crying harder...and then he's like i'll give you one last kiss so we better make it worthi t...and then he kissed...me...and he's never kissed me like that before...it was absolutely amazing...it was sooo good.... and then he said he loved me...but he just doesn't want to keep hurting me....and i don't know what to do...i've cried myself to sleep these past nights...and i can't picture myself with anyone but him...i don't want anyone to touch me or kiss me but him...and i don't want to love anyone else but him.....and i'm confused...because he said he loved me but if he loved me would he be hurting me like this..?? wouldn't he be with me?? and when he kissed me...he's never kissed me like that...so does that really mean he really cares...??..and last night i called him for the first time...and he didn't really want to be on the phone with me...and it hurt...really bad...he was sad..and said..i'm going to bed i'll talk to you at school...and i just couldn't go to school today...cause i found myself crying...and idk what to do..i love him...and i want to be with him...and he says he doesn't trust me..how do i get himt o trust me...? and am i stupid for giving him so many chances...and am i stupid for still wanting to give him chances...and am i stupid for loving and caring about him...??...ugh...i need someone's help...please...