Stop lying to your children...

So what take away the magic of childhood things such as Santa. No never kids grow up way to fast all ready. Let them have the little things left that the goverment and this mess of a world cant take away.

Both the magic is in reading Twas the night before christmas and watching your sons face light. Or when they lose their first tooth and you and him put it under his pillow together for the toothfairy. The magic is sharing the childhood stories together and in a way making you as excited about it as he is. And that makes me look at things like he does and in that is the magic for in that ten minutes it took to read a book or tell about the toothfairy I once again begin to see things as a child would. And it makes me understand the importance of Santa its not the presents or the money its the laughter and the smiles that come out during that time that I will never take away.

I think it's important for the child to have an imagination, but at the same time have a good grasp of reality. I guess this can go under "child-like faith". But having an imagination doesn't necessarily mean that they're being lied to.

Imagine how devastating it is for a child to put their trust in a parent and then come to find out they have been lied to all along
^^^^
This part in the post finally made me think. Being still young, I remember realizing 'Santa' wasn't real.. Heck, my parents still act as if he is for the tradition. But, I remember realizing it slowly as a child; my parents never told me... It just slowly came into realization with common sense.
But, for those kids that must be told... I do wonder what it was like for them. You never know what that can do to a kid...
I firmly believe..And have..that we shouldn't lie to our children. Perhaps read them a mythical story, but make them realize it's not true.

But, there's always that magic in their eyes at the thought of Santa...
Tis a very interesting question you have proposed here, Dear Bob...

xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

i disagree on not telling your children about santa claus, when i was a child i was so happy, it was something i looked forward to, knowing he was comming to my house! i find out in school and little clues led me to realize he isnt real. I was really upset, but even though I know he isnt real, I still believe in him, just to believe. the tooth fairy and easter bunny thing is ridiculous, my parents never did that.

It so saddens me to see the problems our children have to face everyday. The stress of trying to be an individual and still fit in; the pain of not knowing who they can trust; living in a society where the stay at home mom is rare. Everyday, I hear stories of what our children have to go through, just to survive. We, as parents, need to relate trueths to our children, but with all the hate and pain that surrounds them, why not let them enjoy the few treasures of imaginary figures for as long as they possibly can.

When my kids were old enough to question the reality of Santa Claus, I told them that although the man himself doesn't exist, the spirit of him does. As far as the other imaginary figures we grew up with... they have been put to rest among the other fond memories that my children have of their younger times.

Each day, I hear of children who are abused by their parents and I have to ask myself why? Are these young souls not given to us to love and cherish, and to protect and keep out of harms way.

Is it not our responsibility to honor our children by knowing them well enough to see when something is amiss?

When we love our children, do we not want them to have the advantage of a solid background for them to rely on so they can distinguish for themselves what is right and wrong. Lying to your children in order to get them to perform a certain way, is wrong. But not letting them believe in something just because you don't is not right either.

I believe certain points that Bob said, but not all. I think the first question should have been why the child felt he couldn't go to his parents with a problem in the first place.

Guess that's all I have to say. Maybe I'm just one of the lucky parents who learn from their children, just as they have learned from me.

Jeannie

Yea, the stay at home mom has been gone a long time now. and taking the right to spank your child is another problem. I know the difference between spanking and beating. I spanked my kids. Now I just ground them to my room.., It doesn't have the tv, dvd player, video games, and stereos that my kids' rooms have. I think it was George Carlin who first suggested that little piece of info. LOL

It's because of the fact that kids are having kids. Add the fact that we are not allowed to disciple our kids... or are afraid to has alot to do with it. I understand that some kids are abused and should be able to seek help, but kids are calling SCAN, because they know they can and get away with it. A friend of mine had SCAN called on her by her own daughter. All because she spanked her daughter. Not beat her, but spanked her. Department of Human Services came in and told my friend that she could not spank a child. That being said, my friend told DHS to take the child and try to get her to mind. They had her for 2 weeks and brought her back with instructions to spank the child. Believe me. that child never called SCAN or DHS again. That was several years ago and the child has grown into a wonderful young lady who values family and is in collage with a bright future ahead of her.

Like I said, spanking and beating are two different things and giving the child the power to report a parent for child abuse is all good, some kids take advantage of it for all the wrong reasons.

It's a crazy world we live in, we want our children to be honest and truthful with us at all times yet we lie to them from their first christmas.. There is a difference in letting them believe in magical things like christmas, the tooth fairy.. seeing their faces light up when they believe in Santa and think this great man has left them lots of gifts for being good girls and boys.. to making them believe that they are not going to achieve anything because their grades are not quite right..
I believe You should praise your children for the good they do do and not dwell on the bad stuff.. Kids are going to make mistakes, they may not get the grades You expect them to.. but does this give us the right to put them down?
Santa and the tooth fairy is a lie, but it gives a child something to look forward to.. that is until they find out they are not real, but it is something they come to understand and by the time they find out they are not real it is not such a big deal..
Telling a child they are not going to amount to anything because they are not quite up to scratch with their grades is not lying to them as such but degrading them.. when You are told You are a failure enough You eventually believe it, and that's what does the damage.
I believe there are good lies [ones where you say things to make others feel better about the world.. give them something to look forward to] and there are bad lies [ones that do damage and make them feel bad about themselves] When it comes to children there should only be good lies.. magical things.. when they grow up there's enough stress and hurt for them to deal with so the longer they can believe in good myths and magic the better in my eyes.

I thought about this all day because I always had reservations about telling my kids fantasys that they might later consider lies. More than anything I wanted their trust , I didn`t want to take away that magical wonder of childhood either though.I used to handle that by putting the money under their pillow and then when they ask how it got there I would just laugh and say "how do you think it got there? How much is it anyway, their imagination would usually take over,I did avoid saying the tooth fairy brought it I just felt like that was a lie. I think with a little creativity you can accomplish both. The most important thing was that I was always there for them , I ignored all the modern day BS if they needed a spanking they got it but I loved them too much for it to be abusive. The kids I work with don`t have that kind of support and many turn to violence to cope. As far as the suicide, teen suicide is rising , a lot of the kids I work with talk about it like its the in thing to try.
and then you never know what goes on behind closed doors, I guess All in all I think a little playful fantasy is fine but honesty is still the best policy.Like the saying goes "you learn what you live".

I think that the psychiatric propaganda and building of the statistics for more programs based on fear mongering must stop. If one kid does one thing this terrible as to take an AK 47 to school, that doesn't mean that they really meant to use it they could and probably are just as scared as anyone else, and it also doesn't mean that they would ever do this or anything like this after they did it the first time. What it also really doesn't mean is that if one kid does this we should forget the other 1,000 that are not going to do this or are not doing this and stigmatize them because of it. Many of our young people are really good people and many of them if given the choice and the chance can do some really good things. Psychiatry lies and uses these things as scare tactics to get a chance to screen, label, and drug many of our children that don't need this and this is wrong. We need to love the kids out there in the right ways and believe in them, give them chances and opportunities to do good things and feel good about themselve and stop the bullying and do not blame the victims of it. Don't terrorize the bully's just let them know how wrong it really is. They need support to and not to be stigmatized and psychiatrized. That is all I want to say here.

Alrighty... I'm 16 years old. My parents told me from day one there was no such thing as Santa or the tooth fairy or anything. I have never brought a gun to school in thoughts of harming myself or others. There is no connection between the two points you made. I know of the struggles of being a teenager because I am one and I go thru those struggles daily. The problems with youth acting that way are not connected to parents allowing the imagination of a child to really grow. I wish my parents would have told me Santa was real. Being naive as a child is probably the most important thing about a childhood. There are so many bad things in life (not saying there aren't any good) but why should a child that can hardly grasp those terrible concepts be forced to attempt to? Where is the real harm in believing in good things that we all wish for. Santa spreads a good message to children. To give to others, to be jolly and joyous. Where are the bad messages there? Parents that allow their kids minds to be filled with such happy things are good parents. Let's not kill children's minds anymore than this television set world already does. That's what I say.

Maybe we need to keep santa and start telling them that there are consequences to their own actions, and the world doesn't owe them crap it was here first. Maybe it's not the tooth fairy maybe it's all of this "it's important for every kid to feel good about themselves no matter what his or her unique bhla bl" Maybe the real truth we need to tell kids from day one is this: LIFE IS NOT FAIR OR EQUAL. It never has it never will be. There are winners and loser in every aspect of life. If you want anything you have to work for it. No one is gonna pat you on the head and give you a cookie just because you take a crap without getting it all over yourself,and if you fell at life it's not the rest of the worlds fault its yours. Don't expect someone else to fail because you did. EVERYTHING IS NOT ABOUT YOU. You are one human on this planet and it's your job to take care of you not his,or hers. If your so damn pathetic as to want to end your own life then go ahead, but don't think you have the right to end others because you lost a job or a woman or didn't make good grades. Violence is not always evil only when people teach their kids that nothing in this world is worth fighting for (i mean actual punch smack physical violence *gasp*) untill you hold back all agression and become so much of a coward the only thing you can think to do is murder and commit sucide because you are a coward.

Maternal instinct can be observed. It is a powerful natural force in my opinion. . Some say a conscience is something that hurts when the rest of us may feel good. When the young woman goes to trail for her wrongful actions against her child I doubt that her defense will ask that she is excused from her responsibility to know right from wrong because of traditional lies. Eventually behavioral science and psychiatry is going to be accused of attempting to control the masses. Responsibility is something that I value though I have acted irresponsibly many times in my life. I fear that no matter the outcome of this discussion letters will be written to Santa like the quantity portrayed in miracle on 34th street. Disappointments are often a part of real life and I am no expert on how to prepare a child for that. This is a very thought provoking topic and I commend Bob for his honest opinion. I believe that Bob believes that every human has an inviolable dignity, value and, worth which is a birthright. I have a different perception of Santa than I did when I was seven in the same way I have a different perception of many things. But I hope the dream of peace on earth and good will toward men is as real to the masses as it is to me

“Maybe we need to keep Santa and start telling them that there are consequences to their own actions”

While teaching consequences is an excellent idea, life is often confusing for a teen that say may conceive life while they are yet a child. There is a safe haven law that takes into account that fear could prevent a pregnant teen from obtaining the assistance needed to ensure a safe pregnancy, which is entirely confidential. It is not an excuse to be ignorant of a law, but I can imagine that say maybe a child that conceived at the age of fourteen may not be able to think rationally after her parents do not notice any changes. Needless to say I have not experienced the trauma that could induce, so my prayers go out to all involved. Not only is innocence sacred, it is the duty of everyone to recognize that the act that brings life in to the world is a sacred responsibility, though life is not always fair it is our most valued gift

"Not only is innocence sacred, it is the duty of everyone to recognize that the act that brings life in to the world is a sacred responsibility, though life is not always fair it is our most valued gift"
^
Why is it anybody eles "sacred duty" to spend/time/money/resources on a child that the parents allowed to get pregnant. Why should the rest of sosiety shoulder this burden? A 14 year old that *willingly* has sexual intercourse has obviously not learned choices have consequences and her parents have obviously failed to protect her from her own foolishness. Either that or she is living in a tralior with 20 other kids in Utah. But this is obviously kinda pointless because not all confused teens go out and get pregnant at 14.

Though it may be true that a child may be a burden to some they are never trash.
I believe in justice, but I see the beauty in mercy also. To err is human to forgive divine
As far as the original topic, Bob also mentions mythical angels. I can remember a time in high school that I wrote an essay. In that composition I remember not making the distinction between theology, and mythology. I myself was named after a mystical heavenly creature that was canonized a saint by the Catholic Church. A child that has been conceived is a human being, but we may call it a fetus. We can murder a human being and call it abortion. There are many people that would welcome the burden of a child, and accept it as their own without questioning its human dignity. Most people understand that a child does not have a choice, and must depend on the love and care of a responsible adult. This country was founded on unity. United we stand divided we fall, and every child born of this land inherits rights. The young woman that made a horrible decision to trash her child has a right to a fair trail. In my opinion the most likely emotion that the young woman was overpowered by is the fear that she would not be forgiven by the people who she believed had conditional love. She may have been driven to her insanity by the lie that it was a fetus that came from her body and it was her choice. I am sure she will face consequences far worse, even with mercy, than she would have faced if she had not ran from her mistake. God loves all of his children unconditionally, and the consequences are meant to heal, not destroy.

Thats just unfair if i wanted to worry about children i'd make some of my own. It is not my probleme that others choose to do this then throw their hands in the air and walk away and expect the rest of the world to take up the slack.

I must admit I am honest with my children in a gentle manner that they are able to comprehend. I explain things to them, I dont just tell them, particularly not lie to them. I'm not bluntly honest though. See we don't have a toothfairy, a santa clause (and thank goodness no birds and bees chat just yet but God knows I'll have to cross that bridge sometime thanks for the reminder). I guess for us its more a cultural thing and stems from our own religious beliefs but we explain the truth about them to our boys when they ask. Of course they ask, it might not be our personal belief but its everywhere at school, in the community and on the TV. I don't believe in lying to our children about false hope and particularly mythical creatures. It doesn't seem fair to betray their trust, they can often comprehend alot more than what we give them credit for.

Sorry I didn't read through all this, but...

Kids have it easier today than they ever had in the history of mankind. Western kids, I mean. It wouldn't be fair to lump all the kids dying in the 3rd world in with them, would it? Oh, and by "today" I am talking about since about 1970. Pong. Space Invaders. Nintendo DS. Telly. Colour telly. Tivo. I could go on...

As for lying to kids... It's a part of the cycle of existence. So we tell them Santa's not real? OK, then maybe we ought to start pointing out that Spongebob's not real. That their fave TV character isn't real... I'm sorry, but let's let kids have their innocence and allow them to find some stuff out for themselves. Because telling a kid that Santa is real and him finding out in the schoolyard that this is not in fact the case, is a million miles from some fuckwitted father destroying his son's confidence and driving him to suicide. And I speak as the father of a son who I do my best to educate and nurture, with equal measures of censure and praise. And as the son of a father who NEVER encouraged me in anything I did.

I say we sack electricity, stop drilling for oil, and see how civilization develops without these distractions.

Now, who's for some witch-burning?

I Think That The Mythical Tales Of Santa And The Tooth Fairy Are Harmless Stories Created To Give Kids a Spin On The Fun Idea That Maybe Such Magical Characters Can Exist, However, Growing Up I Was Never Lied To About Things Of That Sort, I Knew There Was No Santa Besides God Because He Made It Possible For My X-mas Gifts, And My Mom Was His Elf, She And My Dad Worked Hard To Wrap Those Presents, I Appreciated My Mothers Honesty Because I Always Looked Up To Her, And When She Didn't Tell Me The Truth She Would Break Me Heart, So Parents Should Consider The Eventual Effect That Every Little "White" Lie They Tell Will Have On Their Kids, Children Are Very Impressionable Creatures, But It Dosen't Give Grown-ups The Right To Manipulate Their Minds With Convienant Lies When The Truth Is Always The Best Remedy xoxo-Nikki-xoxo

"Children are very impressionable creatures"? Yeah, it's what makes them children.

Did anyone know that "teenager" is a word made-up in the mid 20th century to basically define a marketable commidity between childhood and adulthood? So if you call yourself a teenager you're basically saying "Please, giant corporation, urge me to buy lots of your crap that isn't what my kid sister or Mum is into."

And then you turn into your parents. Fact.

"but reality for what it is..."

You almost had me, up until then...

Reality? You know what reality seemed to me to be, as I approached my late teens? War. Death. Taxation. Deceit. Censorship. What wondrous realities to tether me to for the next 60 years, eh? I came to understand that as a young teenager and child I had been very fortunate to live in a small rural town where school was boring and there "was nothing to do." Because it seemed to me that teenagers everywhere else in the country were screwing each others brains out when they weren't shooting up, raping grannies, or worshipping Satan, etc.

As a 15-year old air cadet I was taught this: a potent Soviet nerve agent smells EXACTLY like freshly mown grass: FACT. And you know what? As a result I have never mown my lawn as an adult. Just in case of sneak attacks. Y'know? Them commies eat children. And the moon. I wouldn't put anything past them...

My point is: don't be too keen to let kids in on the adult facts. Because facts are often not quite as factual as quite a lot of authorities might have you believe.

kids need to have something like that in their lives to remind them that they don't have to grow up right away.

uggh.
Out of pure, personal experience, Children need things like santa and tooth fairy ECT.
My family and i have had to grow up fast being 15 and bascially rasing a household, believeing in those things were fun and 2 years ago when i did bleieve santa was real, it was a comfort that maybe you didn;t have to grow up all at once.
How dull would it be if your child went to back to school after christmas break and all their friends are talking about SANTA. How would they feel.
Its not all about us.
ts about them, its what sparks the creativity/