when kids are involved

I'm not going to discriminate if people without kids respond to this but I would prefer someone that can relate. (someone who has gone through it on either side)

I met my ex boyfriend when my son was 11 months old. He is now almost 4 and me and Josh (my ex-boyfriend) are no longer together. I don't want to jerk him out of my son's life because if you ask my son who his daddy is he says 'daddy Josh' because that's the only father he has ever known. He's never seen his real father. Now I feel bad for my son because he wants to see Josh and Josh is off doing his own thing. Sometimes he comes around to see him or play with him but then I just get pissed off when he leaves again and then doesn't even call for another week or so. I had stopped talking to him completly then he called me crying wanting to talk because he couldn't turn to anyone else. I caved and he started coming around again. My son was extatic. He came over to my family's house for Christmas Eve but then didn't show up on Christmas day. I don't know if I should completly cut him off from seeing my son or not. I know my son would miss him but I don't want to keep seeing him hurt because Josh doesn't have time in his busy 'hanging out with friends' schedule to see him.

I suggest not cutting him out! I litterly never get to see my dad never have and never will, when I was a kid I'd see him like once a month max now it's more like once every 6th but I still like those few times I see him even though I always hated him for leaving!

hope this helps!

Four years old you say?

Talk to your child. Honesty is the best policy, and you'd be surprised how understand children can be.

Let the boy decide.

^^agrees.

the only thing i really struggle with is the fact that he isn't my son's father. I mean my son looks at him that way so I don't want to sit him down and say 'well Josh isn't your real daddy anyway and I think he's going to go away so we can find a new daddy.' I don't know how to talk to my son that way.

"It's not a fine and dandy world out there you know.
He's 4 years old for god's sake, he's not exactly going to say 'no, I never want to see my daddy again' is he?"

Precisely what I meant. Of course the child isn't going to disown who he believes to be his father.

I suggested in part to give the mother a better understanding of her own child's needs. He will always want a daddy. But want and have make quite a difference.

As I said before, be honest with your child.

dnt cut him out but tell your son tht josh isnt his real dad maybe intrduce your son to his real dad i dunno i know i would like to meet my real dad if i was your son

well I choose not to let my son meet his real dad for a few reasons.
1) I honestly don't know where he is. he only calls once about every 6 months.
2) he was a very abusive person and hit me in the stomach as hard as he could when I was about 5 months preg.
3) He told me he would kill me to get to his son if he had to but that he would have him. 4) I gave him 7 months to get off of drugs and alcahol and refused.

o ok nvm wut i said then