Long Distance Relationship

I've been in a long distance relationship for nearly 2 years now...We're planning a life together. Everything seems happy and alright.

Truth is:

It's a trying situation no matter which way you look at it:

-We've both cheated on eachother. Him because...Well, I don't know... Me because, I was angry at him, and felt he deserved it.
-That vengeful behaviour, and unfaithful mistakes, has caused so much hurt and argument and secrets than you will ever know.
-My trust level in him is sliding down hill, and has for so long.
My love for him, no matter how hard I try, doesn't seem to go away.
But - his love for me doesn't exist yet.
-his level of trust in me couldn't be any bigger, and yet it seems that it's still growing.
-Feeling empty without his hand in mine is harder than what you may think. Missing him is painful.
-Jealousy is something you need to keep under control, because when he goes out with his friends and girls are there and you know he may flirt a little - you've gotta keep your cool.
-I have to base my life choices around the times that I get to talk to him, because that's all we have is communication...So I can't lose any of that time.

There's so much more I could say,and lots more to it. But I don't think you ever really understand the depth of it all unless you have been in some kind of long distance relationship yourself. He's in London, and I'm in Canada... I saw him twice in the two year span that we've been together. Not quite, but almost, 5 weeks, out of 99 weeks spent without him.

I wouldn't recommend this kind of relationship to anyone...but it sure teaches you alot.

Women: can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. This common expression relates well to the problematic issue of long distance relationships, because when your relationship is put to through this particular test, its time to decide which of these opposing statements applies to you the most.

Sometimes young lovers are forced to call it quits because they end up attending different colleges in different cities, states, or even continents.

What can one do in such a situation? Is the relationship worth pursuing or should they just forget about it and part ways?

What is a long-distance relationship? The first thing to understand is that a relationship across great distances does not necessarily qualify as a relationship. Let me explain.

If a guy/girl has been dating a girl/guy for three years and she/he decides to travel to the other side of the world with nothing but her/his clothes on her/his back and a backpack, where does this leave the couple? Well, the first thing to do in this situation is to establish some kind of rules before she/he waltzs onto that plane.

The couple must agree on how they will deal with this separation, and even if they will remain a couple at all. If one decides that they can't be in a long distance relationship, while the other is ready to sacrifice a little for the sake of staying together, then they have a problem on their hands don't they?

There are three basic options when dealing with long distance relationships: the couple can remain faithful to each other; they can date other people and see what happens; or they can call it quits and start dating other people right away.

One of the options is to keep everything the way it is...whether you are 2 miles or 2,000 miles away from each other. This way of thinking is very popular among young lovebirds, new to the journey of romance.

They tend to believe that physical space between them will not affect the solidity of the relationship because their "undying" love for each other can surpass this seemingly small obstacle. This often applies to couples that get separated for education reasons and such.

What happens in many cases, however, is that one of the partners may start feeling lonely and begin looking around to see what the others have to offer in the area of romance.

But if the woman/man, for example, decides to hold back and not date anybody during her/his time away from her/his boyfriend/girlfriend, he should also be saving himself/herself for her/him. Right? In an ideal situation, this would be the plan, But unfortunately, that's not always possible.

The guy/girl in question might start fooling around, but will eventually feel guilty about it, even if 5 or 6 months have passed since he last saw his/her girlfriend/boyfriend.

The problem is that the terms of the relationship clearly state that this should not happen. What to do then?

Simply having made a decision to allow each other the freedom to date other people while they were apart, and seeing if they still felt the same way about each other once they were reunited, could have prevented this situation. Hence, the second category for a long-distance relationship.

Let fate take it's course...this same principle applies to any couple in the initial stage of dating: they are together but they're not committed.

Both follow the unwritten rule of allowing each other to date other people until they feel the need to be exclusive.

This is a perfectly rational way of looking at any potential long distance relationships. What if, for example, what if unavoidable circumstances force the woman/man to leave her mate for good in the early stages of the relationship.

Although some couples develop faster than others, common sense should always be of the essence, as emotions sometimes tend to run away with us.

The underlying idea here is that impossible promises should not be made and only a reciprocal, genuine affection for each other will decide the couple's fate.

If staying together is not in your cards, it soon becomes obvious, and ending the relationship is the only solution. This way, there won't be any broken hearts or unnecessary lies.

Seeing other men or women...It is a smart thing to slow down a love at an early stage in order to avoid any heartache, especially if you know you will be separated shortly.

The ideal solution would be to not get involved with anybody knowing that you will be required to be separated for a long period of time.

But if you decide to go ahead and start dating this man/women, then do it wisely and know that your days together are short or counted per-say.

The smart thing to do in this case is remind yourself that there are no short-term obligations and that as soon as you are separated, your life will continue and women/mes will still be at arm's length.

1 last thought...Long distance relationships can be best separated into three categories: remaining faithful, dating loosely to see what happens or breaking off the relationship altogether.

Whichever category is chosen depends largely on which stage of the relationship you and your girlfriend/boyfriend are at.

Rejection Is Better Than Regret. You don't want to spend the rest of your days reminiscing about what could have been. This will allow for painful heartache.

Peace, Joe

Damn Joe, that was alot to read.

If you truely love the person, you should atleast give it a chance.My boyfriend is in the Army, so he's constantly somewhere, but we've decided that we are comitted to eachother and that we only want to be with eachother.And yea, it is hard at times, but in my mind, he's worth it!We talk for atleast 2 hours everyday over the phone and we talk about everything, mainly what we will do once hes finally home(just a little under 4 months left, yea!) and people at my school since they've ticked me off about our age diff(he's 20 and I'm 16)but see, that proves that if you love someone, nothing can stand in your way!

i know how ya feel ms. understood... ok well my boyfriend is in the marines.... right now he's still in basic... will be back at the end of feb. with only 10 days to visit... then off for 4 years... with very FEW visits a years... its hard, and i dont know what i will do yet...he's 18, i'm 15... honestly ppl make such big deal out of age difference when ur in school... but i could care less... i hate when ppl do that... i mean it doesnt matter at aLL... anyways...i want to give things a chance, just im confused like alot. and i cant predict the future...its like i'm caught up in when or whether, but i know it's now or never

I have been in a long distance relationship. Now, I'm not going to say they don't work, but mine didn't. I'll explain.

David, the guy I fell inlove with online, and I were together for a while. A few months it was. I truely loved him, and i never felt that way about anyone before. He loved me too. We were very close, used to talk to eachother on the phone for hours on end all the time, he lives seven hours away from me. I trusted him that he wouldn't "cheat" on me, if that's what you call it, and he didn't. The thing that went wrong was that he lost interest, somehow. He began to like my best friend, who also lives here. That hurt. Then we ended up dating, or whatever you want to call it, again. This was the best time i ever had. I was so inlove it hurt. It hurt to love someone so much, and not be able to be with them, look in their eyes, hold their hand, give them a hug when i wanted to. That hurt. We both knew the end was coming, and he decided to be the one to end it. It hurt, but i knew it was for the best. It hurt too much to be together. And also, i think he just started not to like me anymore. They are the issues you have to deal with. It was a year ago that our last relationship ended, and I'm still very much heartbroken. I still love him, and it hurts just as much as before. He has another online girlfriend now.

Everyone else pointed out all these problems as well, its just too hard to not be able to hold them and give them what they need physically as well as mentally to some extent. I would still have loved for it to work out, as he is coming to live here soon, but it just didn't. I recommend that you don't go ahead with it, but if you feel that strong for him, do it. It can be worth it, but if you have doubts, don't. It just hurts way too much if you get too attached.

Wow i talk alot. Hope it helps though.

From my experiences and from what I know of my friends experiences they don't work. That's not saying there is a possibilty that they do work but both need to work at it and it's certainly very trying. They're definately not easy.
Good Luck!

Yes, I do believe a long distant relationship can work, but only if you are willing to move the relationship forward. Having trust in the person is hard but it can be done. Communication is the main key; if you don’t have that then you have nothing. For me I am a very trust worthy person sometimes that is good, sometimes it’s bad. I liked to believe everyone is worth trusting but in experience I know that is not true and that is where a fragile heart gets hurt. Going with your gut feeling helps a lot. But like I said, you need to move a relationship forward for it to go anywhere, long distance or not. The internet is just another place to meet people and I find nothing wrong with it.

That is your own opinion

gotta agree with Angelina on this one.. i went out with a guy who lived on the opposite side of town, i hardly saw him and it created so many issues. a proper relationship is not conducted over the internet, you need real face to face contact and time with the person. internet/phone create a facade and dont show the reall you

That is why you make the next step in moving the relationship forward. I have seen a guy move out of the country to be with someone he met over the internet. He took the next step just like any other relationship. I know its not easy and if an online relationship does work then I think its stronger then a person you met at a bar or a store. People who talk online most of the time go more indepth of their life and family for hours at a time back and forth. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesnt just like any other relationship. Of course this is my opinion.

I having feeling for some who lives far away.

I would like him to know that , I'm willing to climb mountains, swim oceans, and walk thru fire just to be with him. I willing to take the chance because like Ken said "you only live once" I have faith in this person, why can't he have faith in me.

^^That is because not everyone likes one another. Just because you like someone doesn't mean they will love you and visa versa. Just keep trying and be persistant in what you want, and eventual you may get it, I am not saying you will, but maybe just maybe you will.

Long distance relationships are hard to maintain . You two have to trust each other A LOT . And I mean, A LOT . They could work, if you two were truly truly truly loyal to each other . I took a chance once . It lasted about six months -- But I never considered it a real relationship . Just a year and a half ago, the guy I liked and I were considering it because he would be moving in a couple of weeks . But we decided against it because it would be so hard to see each other . It is pretty hard to keep one . With the trust, it really depends on the two people in the relationship . If I was cheated on while in a long distnace relationship, I would lose almost all faith cuhs` I wouldn`t be able to see him . For me in the six months, we had trust . It just didn`t work out though, because I couldn`t spend time with him . Oh and it also depends how far the 'distance' is . For me, the guy lived in England . So that was kind of frustrating -__-''
..__MiNDYY

Okay, everybody seems to have pretty long opinions on this, so I'll keep it very short and simple.

I tried one long distance relationship.
It wasn't very important to me at the time (didn't seem serious).
I stopped signing online because I met someone in real life.
I thought I knew what it was like to be loved.
I was wrong, I wasn't even close.
I'm currently in a real life relationship, and now I know what I was missing.

So my advice is don't bother with the long distance stuff.
Real life is SO much better.

i no wat you mean jamie--and yup!1--u r so true!!-i'm on a long relation now--and it doesn't sem to work our perfectly--which i reallyi hate it--

co'z i feel like he's ignoring me--and you can never be sure if he's telling you the truth or not--co'z its only the letters talking with you--and letters can be fake one--

sor for distance relation BEAWARE!!--lol--but for some--it can also mean happy ending--for some can be ON in the cyber luv--dan meet--dan be close-and marry--haha i'v heard

Technically, that other person is just words in a box, and you don't know any better than what they type to you.