Desperately Wanting Comments on this one poem ^_^

Ok... I have a poem my friend Mike turned into a song and I would really like some opinions on it.

I would def love comments on the poem (you can find it in my profile) but I would also love some comments on the song.

http://geocities.com/krazyasis86 to hear the song sung (must have Quick Time to beable to play)

P.S. please? (: