I will NOT send this.

Hey...

I dont really know how to start this, or how to say anything else having to do with this subject. i know you'll never see this, because ill never give it to you, but...

i love you.

since the 6th grade ive loved you. i know i always made it seem different, you were too this, not enough that, you had an attitude, you were too nice, you werent nice enough... but i was just lying to myself and everybody else. i didnt realize how hard writing this would be, but it is. everybody seems to have had a crush or something at one point, but mine is more that that and i know it. this is stupid!!!! i shouldnt be writing, yet i keep going on. you asked me out in freshman year and i foolishly said yes. i shouldnt have, and i realize it now. i was just glad to have someone who at least thought i was... anything enough to even contemplate going out with me. i still remember that day; it was friday febuary 24th, and now its almost a year later and im writing you this letter. AND i feel stupid for it. it was a four day "relationship" if you can call it that. it was over a weekend, i didnt see you and didnt talk to you at all. then monday you had Janelle "break up" with me. You told her that "being in the same room with me isnt what it used to be" when four days before you told joe "you couldnt put into words how you felt about me". its stupid. if you had janelle do it for you because you didnt want to hurt my feelings, it hurt worse knowing that you couldnt tell me yourself. what did i do wrong? why did i have to suffer for something you did? it wasnt fair to janelle, and it sure as HELL wasnt fair to me. i cried. amanda was there, joe was there. joe felt bad for pushing us together in the first place and he felt it was his fault that you hurt me. you have a talent for hurting people, dont you? you made me feel insecure, stupid, ugly, and like i didnt deserve to be happy. i hated feeling like that and i never want to feel like that again. so why am i writing this? because i need to get it out. The musical was awful for me. i always felt sick after rehearsals and it was from seeing you and not being able to say something. on top of all that, you were cold and distant one day, but the next you were happy and willing to talk to me or hug me or say something sweet, and that sucked. i thought it was just a crush, i wanted so bad for it to just be a crush, i wanted it to be something i could get over with fast. but then i saw you dancing for the coming home assembly, and i cried. i knew then that even though we so obviously werent meant to be together, i still loved you. i couldnt do anything for the rest of the day and i was out of it for the rest of the night too. i couldnt fall asleep because i was thinking of you, and when i finally did fall asleep, i dreamed of you. you haunt me. and you hurt me.

Stop hurting me PLEASE. i cant take it anymore.
Allanah

okay. i wrote this to a guy i think im in love with, but what is love really anyway??? i only wrote it to get my feelings out, and i wont give it to him EVER, unless im dying, hes dying, or in some way we will never see each other again, in which case i still wont give it to him cuz that would just be plain dumb. can somebody tell me im doing the right thing by writing this and not passing it on? im scared that if i dont get support on this ill give it to him and regret it HORRIBLY!!!!

Seems like this guys an asshole. It was a four day relationship, don't stress over it. There are a million guys out there, why be torn over just one? If he doesn't have the respect for you, to just break up with you to your face, then he doesn't deserve your feelings.

I would not send it to him, just put it away in a draw somewhere and forget about it. Then when you find the right guy and you're with him for a long time you'll find it. And you'll tell yourself "I was such an idiot to feel this way over a childish relationship."

You'll find a great guy, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Every girl is beautiful, no matter what. It's what's inside that counts. So try to forget about this boy and move on. It was a year ago, don't think about it anymore. Oh, and this relationship was not love. A guy and girl in love don't treat each other that way. Love is trust and respect, and neither of you have it toward each other. You'll find the one, sooner or later.

i get what youre saying...

but what about one sided love? love doesnt have to come from both ends, and i know that he doesnt deserve my attention and i dont deserve to be hurting over him... but...

ah, i dont know...

No, I agree with Kori, it couldn't be love, because one sided love isn't real love dear, love is something that grows between TWO people, not just one.

You don't deserve to be hurting over him, but the fact that you are shows that you have a huge heart! You are a beautiful person, so don't lower yourself, EVER!!!! And also, you went out with him for like four days, that's hardly what I would call a realtionship, and plus, he is obviously an asshole, you deserver better. So, even though it's tough (and I know it's tough) you need to pick up the pieces and move on..

Much Love and Best of Luck
~*Danielle*~

P.S. I hope you have a wonderful day, even though your hurting. I hope this helps...