Anything Goes: Short Stories Contest (Closes March 10th, 2007)

Blah. I'm really impatient lol

lol well, i want as many people as possible or the awards will be smaller

Hmm, fair enough I guess! :)

C'mon.. Rawr. lol. its past the date. and and .. ahh nvm..

Title: The World Unkown: Volume I
Genre: ? Fantasy, Fiction ?
Author: Fading Memories

PLEASE RESERVE!!!! WILL BE DONE BY TOMORROW!!!

Not sure if this is what you wanted but I thought I'd post it anyway. =]

Moments of Madness (By Jessica W.)

“Arrrghhh!” Slowly raising a disheveled head from beneath the covers, Nicole Johnson blindly swats at her alarm clock. ”Triiiinnggg, triinngg,” chirps the wretched device happily, before she finally manages to knock the instrument off the table and places her thumping head back onto the pillow and sighs.
A few minutes later she hears the dreaded noise of her alarm clock making a comeback. “Triiinnngg, triiiiinngg, TRIIINNGGG!” the machine shrieks, violently ordering her to shift a lifeless body from the safety of her bed into the bathroom. Hurriedly removing her pajamas, she takes a few quick steps towards the shower, before accidentally glancing in the direction of the mirror. Turning slowly she stares at her reflection warily and angry tears form gradually in her emerald colored eyes. Wiping them away impatiently, she steps into the shower and washes away the disgust that is flowing through her.
After hastily getting dressed and applying a thin layer of make-up, Nicole stumbles into the kitchen and sits down slowly at the big round table. “Go on sweetheart, tuck into your breakkie” her mother insists cheerfully.
The smells wafting deliciously from the plate of eggs, bacon, and two pieces of toast in front of her almost persuade her to devour it whole, before she miserably remembers the revolting reflection in her mirror this morning and promptly loses her appetite. “I’m not really hungry,” she replies trying to sound convincing.
“Oh don’t be silly, of course you’re hungry,” her mother responds with a little more firmness in her voice.
It’s alright for them, Nicole thinks bitterly, looking around at her perfect little sister and skinny parents. They could all wear five layers of clothing and still look a perfectly reasonable size. “No, it’s alright; I’ll get something at school.”
Standing up abruptly, she walks over and kisses each of them on the cheek before grabbing her backpack and coat and starting the fifteen-minute walk to the bus stop.
Kicking the sidewalk as she walks along the empty street, hot tears dribble down her frozen cheeks. “Hhuh!” She gasps suddenly.
Staring up at her from the sidewalk is a stunning girl, smiling happily on the frayed pieces of newspaper. A cool wind blows auburn hair away from Nicole’s heart-shaped face, revealing a look of horror. All of a sudden, she feels a chill flow through her and moves away speedily, leaving a tear-stained smile on the missing girl’s cheek. All the while, wondering whether it was the wind that left her shivering or something else?
*
“Nicci, what’s wrong?” A concerned Josh screams across the playground.
“Oh, it’s nothing. I’m fine,” Nicole replies while swiftly wiping her red-rimmed eyes.
“Don’t you give me that, I know you too well. I know you like.. like the back of my hand,” He declares smugly for coming up with his clever expression.
“How many freckles do you have on your hand?” Nicole asks slyly.
Glancing down at it, Josh counts “Two,” before realizing Nicole’s joke and laughing loudly. “Okay, you got me,” he smiles back at her. “But seriously, what’s up?”
“No, really, it’s nothing. I’m just feeling a little down this morning,” Nicole looks at her feet. I don’t want him to know, she thinks determinedly, he’ll only try and tell me that I am perfectly fine as I am. I am tired of people lying to me. I am tired of being this way. I want to change. I want to lose weight. “So, what’s up with you?” she exhales slowly and swiftly changes the subject.
Thank god for study hall. Nicole sighs before resting her troubled head in her hands and reflecting over everything that happened that morning. Was that who I think it was? No, surely not. Why am I thinking of her anyway? Gradually she falls into a light sleep, goose bumps form over her olive skin, and her memories take over.
“Leave me alone! Stop it!” Yells a voice not too far away, causing Nicole to look up from the ground she is studying closely on her way home from school. Glancing up inquiringly, she notices a striking girl around her age, shouting at a man and woman, who shove her hastily into a metallic green car. Wow, she is so beautiful. Nicole thinks wistfully. Why is she screaming like that? Oh my god, do you think she is being kidnapped? Suddenly panicking, she tries to calm herself by resuming her usual attitude and dismissing the uncertain dilemma. Oh. Don’t be ridiculous Nicole. Trust me to come up with something so silly. They were probably just her parents or something. Rapidly racing away, the car disappears into the distance and Nicole resumes her ground studying. She can’t bear looking people in the eye; it makes her nervous.
“Nicks! Nicci, wake up!” Josh shakes his dozing friend gently.
“Huh? Huh, what?” She replies sleepily. “Oh hello, Joshy, what are you doing here?”
“Well, I was going to see how you were. But seeing as you were face down on your desk, I thought that could wait,” he laughs warmly.
“Ooops,” she smiles sheepishly. “Must have nodded off. Oh, by the way, do you think you can come over this afternoon? I have to talk to you about something.”
“Sounds intriguing, of course I’ll come. Anything that concerns me?” He inquires cheekily.
“Not everything is about you Josh,” she chuckles. “I’ll tell you all about it later. Shall we go?”
“Yeah, Mr. Parsons isn’t likely to accept sleeping as an excuse to be late for his class,” Josh smirks before pulling her out the door.
*
“Finally! God, I thought I was going to suffocate in there,” Nicole laughs as she scrambles over the other students trying to escape from the classroom.
Josh grins, “At least you had the window near you, I was stuck right in the middle and everyone was stealing my air!”
Oh, how I love that smile. Quickly shaking her head, she hurriedly removes such thoughts. Thrusting her books into her overflowing locker, she slams the door swiftly preventing them falling. For gods sake Nicole, snap out of it! “I’ll talk to you later hun,” she says regretfully before walking promptly off to lunch.
“Ooh, lasagna! Yum, yum, yum,” Nicole declares gleefully to no one in particular. “My favorite!”
Grabbing a big plateful, she once again has to clamber through the crowds to get to the till. Stupid queues. Argh, wouldn’t it be nice if once in a while there was no line. Amazingly, she finally gets to the front and shoves the money into the woman’s hand before being completely squished. Walking self consciously towards the crowded lunch tables she tries to sit down quickly before they start looking.. But its too late. Critical eyes slowly follow her every movement; crossing polite boundaries; judging her with their unmerciful opinions. Openly crucifying her outfit and her body. No longer hungry, she agonizingly holds back her tears. She doesn’t look at Carly, she can’t face anyone right now, not even her best friend. Carefully cutting her lasagna, she slices the food into small remnants of a happier life.
*
The toilet, and it’s smells of disinfectant are oddly soothing as Nicole sits in one of the green stalls. Standing loyally outside is Carly, the only non-crazy girl in the school beside herself, of course, Nicole always tells her. Sitting comfortably atop a toilet seat she lets all the pain out in deep sobs. “Why me? Wh..why out of all those peo..peo..people, do they choose m..me to judge?” She blubbers miserably to Carly. Carefully wiping her now blood shot eyes, she lets out a sigh. “Am I just being para.. paranoid? I mean, maybe I’m just making it up. Maybe my stupid imagination is making me think these thing..things.. Oh, what do you think Carly?” She inquests.
“No, of couurse noo..” Carly starts before being cut off by Nicole again and smiling good-naturedly.
Arrrrh!” Nicole screams with frustration. “Why is everything so complicated? Urgh, this is useless, Carls, we’ve got to go to class,” she states loudly, hoping that by saying it, she’ll believe it. Picking up her bag, she fixes the smudged make up, gets an extremely welcome hug by Carly and walks out of her temporary sanctuary, just as a pang of hunger punches her stomach.
*
“Niccs! There you are, I’ve been looking everywhere for you! So, are we going to your house or what?” Josh asks cheerfully.
Oh great. Argh, not what I need right now. I need some time alone. “Oh no Josh, I’m sorry, I completely forgot. Can we do it another time?”
“Oh, yeah sure,” he says with more than a hint of disappointment in his voice.
Wilting under his distress, Nicole replies, “Oh, well, it’s okay; I didn’t really have anything else planned anyway.”
“You sure, I mean I have other stuff to do if not,” he tries to recover his dignity.
“No, of course not, come over, I need some company anyway,” she smiles. Grabbing her backpack, she pulls slightly on his shirt, “Come on then!”
*
Armed with a huge bag of cheesy chips, sugary popcorn, and two bottles of sprite, Nicole firmly tells herself that she has to tell him about the girl. “So, if it wasn’t me you wanted to talk about, what was it then?” Josh asks nosily.
“Well..” Nicole starts and then she stops. I can’t tell him. He’ll think I am a complete retard for not going to the police in the first place. I mean what type of person sees a girl be kidnapped and doesn’t do anything? Oh god and the thought of even telling him about my weight problem is hideous. No, I can’t tell him. “Umn…” Oh great, what do I say now.. “I just wanted to ask you..” Oh dammit. “Did you hear about that missing girl?” Pausing she sighs, “Well, I think I know what happened to her.” And with that Nicole blurts out everything she remembers about this girl, while Josh sits cross-legged on her bed with a concerned look spreading over his face.
“Wow..” He sighs slowly. “So you saw a girl being kidnapped, but you weren’t sure, and then you see that she is missing in the newspaper?”
“Basically. Yes,” she replies; then exhales.
“So what are you going to do?” Josh asks, “You can’t just ignore it.”
“Well, actually, that was what I was planning to do,” she smiles nervously. “I mean, what else can I do? I don’t have any real evidence.” I don’t want to go to the police..
“You have to go to the police, it’s the right thing to do.”
“No, I’m not going to, I’m not sure and until I’m sure I’m not wasting their time. I won’t go.” Nicole states firmly.
“Well, if you’re sure.” Replies Josh doubtfully.
“I am,” she smiles reassuringly at him. Oh god, what if she really was kidnapped?
“Snack time!” Screams Josh excitedly, so easily distracted it is funny, before grabbing the food and stuffing it into his mouth.
Thoughtfully watching him eat, a feeling of warmth comes over her and she smiles to herself. He is so sweet. And oh! That food. It smells so good. Oh no, I mustn’t. Ahh, but it looks so delicious. Oh, maybe just a nibble. A moment of madness takes over her and she gives into temptation. Picking up the bowl of popcorn she viciously devours the entire bowl while all of her worries are temporarily delayed by food.
*
“Niccy, you’re looking thin,” Carly states; voice tinted with concern.
Well, I better be. It’s been five days, for god’s sake. After her dreadful encounter with the popcorn, Nicole had religiously stuck to only eating a small snack at dinner when her parents were inspecting her. “Really? Thanks Carls.” She replies cheerfully. And it’s been appallingly hard too. It’s not easy starving yourself you know? Nicole thinks before suddenly feeling weak in the knees and noticing the light starting to fade away.
“Nics! What’s wrong? Niccy! HELP!” Cries Carly in horror as Nicole plummets to the ground with a loud thump.
Inquisitive heads turn from all directions and Mrs. Donelly comes sprinting over from her classroom, seizing Nicole deftly and telling someone to call 911.
*
Waking up with a splitting headache and eyes that feel as if they’ve been glued together, Nicole winces from the light. “Sweetheart, are you alright?” Her mother asks gently.
“Yeahh, I guess so,” she murmurs dozily while reaching out for her mother’s hand. “Where are we?”
“At the hospital; you fainted,” her mothers sorrowful eyes remain locked into her daughters’, “Why haven’t you been eating? And don’t try and deny it, the doctors told me.”
“But..” She tries, unwilling to admit defeat.
“No buts Niccy, what were you thinking?” Her mother cries, cutting her off.
“I don’t know..” Nicole admits resignedly. “I just wanted to lose some weight.”
“But you know this isn’t the way to do it!” Her mother screams in despair.
“I know..” Ashamed with her own actions, Nicole breaks down into tears.
Long, deafening sobs erupt from inside her as her mother cradles her like a child. This loving woman remains holding her long after the tears stop flowing, protecting her from any more pain, protecting her from herself.
*
Walking into school the next day, Nicole self-consciously makes her way to her locker. Uncaringly tossing all her books into it, she turns around to come face to face with Josh. “Oh! Hello,” she says, taken aback.
“Hey! Sorry,” he smiles; embarrassed. “How are you?! What happened yesterday? Carly told me you went to hospital!”
“Yeah.. I.. I was dehydrated. Silly me, forgot to drink any water for two days,” she smiles unconvincingly, but Josh knows her well enough to leave it.
Suddenly realising how close he was to her, Josh stepped back slightly, but not before she saw the red tinge to his cheeks. “So..” He articulates casually, “Doing anything after school tomorrow? Cause I really fancy some more of those chips!”
Grinning, Nicole replies, “Course not, but you better give me a piggy back ride there.”
“Yeah, you wish,” beaming, he walks off, “Catch you later.”
*
Strolling along the darkening road home, Nicole’s thoughts drift back to her weight problem or as her doctor calls it “self esteem deficiency”. How can he think that my repugnant body is just in my imagination? Is he crazy?. Why do people lie to me? It doesn’t just make it all better. It doesn’t make it go away. But maybe.. Well.. Maybe, just maybe, he is right. But I highly doubt that. Nicole reflects sceptically while glancing down at her made up stomach protruding slightly over her jeans. Or maybe not.
Glancing down an alleyway, Nicole gasps. Oh my god. Is that…? Stopping in her tracks she gawks tactlessly at the beautiful girl sitting behind the bins. I have to check, I just have to. In a moment of madness she walks precariously over to the hunched over girl and plasters a smile onto her face, “Hello, I don’t think you know me.. And I know this sounds a little silly. But.. I recognize you from the paper.. And..”
Looking up at the stunning girl in front of her, Kimberly smiles nervously. “Yeahh, I guess that’s me. Did they really put me in the paper? Wow, that’s weird.”
“Oh my god, so it really is you!” Wow, she really is pretty. “Sorry, I must sound so stupid, but I saw you being kidnapped! I didn’t want to tell anyone in case I was mistaken! Are you okay? How did you escape?” Nicole splutters out excitedly.
Laughing out loud, Kimberly quickly notices the look of hurt in the girl’s eyes as she does so. Stopping abruptly she replies, “Oh no, I’m sorry to have put you through all that. I didn’t get kidnapped, I ran away. Those must have been my parent’s you saw me with. I was at a party,” she grins.
“Oh. So you ran away because your parents took you away from a party?” Nicole asks, unsure of her understanding.
“Noo, of course not. No, it’s just everything at the moment. That party was just a part of it. It’s all the parties, all my friends, basically everything I do they don’t like.. They’re ashamed of me.” The girl blurts out before realising that she has just said this to someone she barely knows. “God, I can’t believe I just said that. You probably think I am a psychopath with issues now. But you don’t know how it is to live with people that are disappointed with everything you do. I bet your parents appreciate you.” Kimberly declares forlornly.
“Yeah, I guess they do.” Nicole replies, surprising herself with her answer. I guess they do appreciate me.. I never thought of it that way before. Wow, so maybe gorgeous girls have problems too… “So tell me. What’s so bad about your parents?”
Warming to this stranger immediately, Kimberly tells Nicole all about her parents. Discussing in detail about the disappointment they have in her, about all the affairs her father has had, and about the abuse her mother has given her for being beautiful. In turn, Nicole reveals all her secretly kept emotions. She tells her about the problems with the girls at her school, her self esteem, and finally her weight.
“Your weight? What are you on about girl? There is nothing of you! You’ll fade away if you ate any less!” Kimberly exclaims, surprised at this girls lack of self esteem.
“Are you kidding me? Look at this!” Nicole replies pinching her non existent stomach.
“Girl, listen to me. Now, look, I am skinny as a stick and you are smaller than me okay?” Kimberly says firmly; voice filled with shock.
What.. What is she talking about? Is she joking with me? Suddenly suspicious of this girl playing a cruel joke on her, Nicole asks “Are you joking with me? Because if you are, it’s not funny okay?” Cold tears slowly form in her glaring eyes.
“No!” Cries Kimberly, taken aback, “Of course I’m not hunny. I am dead serious. Now enough of this, you don’t need to worry about it alright? You really don’t.”
Shocked that she believes this girl out of all her other friends, of not lying to her, Nicole gulps back her fears and gazes down at her stomach. Miraculously, it is no longer there. Blinking furiously, she looks again. “What… Huh? I don’t understand.. My stomach was there just a minute ago, its gone now…” Am I going mad?
Laughing once more, Kimberly says, “See, it wasn’t there all along silly. It’s just your mind playing tricks on you. You are gorgeous!”
Exhausted, still slightly suspicious, but tremendously happy, Nicole hugs this kind stranger and laughs suddenly. “You know what? I have just told you all my secrets and I don’t even know your name. I’m Nicole by the way.”
“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you Nicole, I’m Kim.”
Smiling at each other and shaking hands with false formality, there blossomed a friendship that although they didn’t know it, would last forever.
*
Sitting on her tatty old sofas, Josh and Nicole laugh over the advert that just came on. After a long day at school, they always feel it’s good to just hang out and get rid of stress. Her parents are out so it’s the only time they can get to the TV. “What was that all about?” Josh manages to get out between chuckles.
Giggling loudly, Nicole shrugs her shoulders. “No idea. God, that was so stupid! Oh yeah, you wanted those chips right?”
As she gets up, Josh grabs her arm carefully. “Actually, Nicks, there was something else I wanted to talk to you about. The chips were just an excuse.” He says turning slightly pink all the way up to his blond hairline.
“Yeah, what is it?” Nicole sits back down and asks nonchalantly before noticing the look on his face. “God, Josh, what’s wrong?”
The shade of pink turning darker still, he says “Well.. Umn.. How should I say this?” Exasperated by his lack of vocabulary, he looks gently into her emerald coloured eyes and in a moment of madness he places a delicate kiss onto her ruby lips.
Stunned, Nicole doesn’t reply. “Oh god, I’ve screwed it up haven’t I? I always ruin these things. Oh god, I am so sorry Niccy.” His tender blue eyes filled with hurt he looks down.
Recovering slightly she shyly asks, “Josh?”
Raising his head, eyes now dull with pain he says, “I really am sorry. I really really am. I hope this hasn’t ruined our friendship, I don’t know what I would do without you. This is the worst thing that could have happened.” He replies looking as if he is about to cry.
Moving closer to him, she gazes into his soft eyes and says, “Actually, I think it is the best.” Carefully leaning over, she responds to his adoration with a kiss so filled with emotion that tears roll down her cheeks. “I love you Josh.”
Amazed, he kisses her lovingly before screaming at the top of his lungs, “I love Nicole Johnson!”
Giggling happily, she buries her face into his chest, slowly feeling all her self esteem issues floating away. Enveloped in the warmth of her love for him, she finally realizes that everything she had ever wanted, she really had always had.

Thanks for submitting that. I look forward to reading them.

This will close in 3 DAYS WHILE I JUDGE THE ALREADY ENTERED ENTRIES! OKAY!

YOU MAY SUBMIT YOUR STORIES!

i don't know if i can still enter this in, but i just did in case, i hope you like it!

TITLE: First blood
GENRE: fantasy/fiction/horror?
AUTHOR: Gabriella
CONTEXT:

In a cold, dark room, high above the rest of the city, a girl gets her first kiss,
Too hypnotized by the dark arms wrapping around her, too really notice his cold fangs. She is just momentarily confused, when she feels a small prick at her throat. She doesn’t even realize that something is wrong until too late, when the world starts falling away, and her companion starts to shake, and whispers, almost musically, “I’m sorry”. She tries to scream, but no air reaches her lungs. All is quiet, except the wind, whistling through a dark alley.

A vampire makes his first kill.

The moon is full

I’m shaking, the room spinning around me as blood drips from my mouth, I am savoring the sweet but salty taste, but at the same time I am horrified by what I have done, I seem to have split into two, one part of me is saying that I am a vampire, I live to drink blood, therefore I am just doing what I was made to do. But the other side of me is reminding me what I have become, something I dread, a murderer. But even as the sane part of my mind realizes this, the rest of me goes back to being wild again, and as my blood rushes through me at a speed faster than a jet airplane, I scream, partly a scream of pain, but also partly a scream of joy, from that feral part of me that really is a vampire. I jump from the window, and I fly.

I hear the scream coming from two floors up, and I run up the stairs, I open the door, my blood running cold as I see what has happened. The walls move and I try to steady myself against one of them trying not to faint. When the floor stops moving I brace myself for the sight in front of me, even though I already know what is there, I have to really make sure. I walk into the room, and shiver as the cold wind blows through my sweatshirt, I kneel down to the body lying on the couch, and I turn it over, even though I knew who this was, tears run down my face as I touch the skin of my best friend, I desperately wish for her heartbeat to return, but my hand tells me otherwise, because her arms are as cold as ice. I stand up, dashing the tears from my face, because I will cry later, for the times I went to the mall and tried on clothes with her, running on the beach, playing truth or dare at night with her at my house, and most of all, the times when I was so sad and I would cry and she would listen to me, I shake my head trying to stop the flow of memories returning to me and think. I now look at the floor, my eyes noticing the drops of blood on the floor even in the pale light of the moon, my head pounds as I realize something; there is no blood on her, I run back to her body, and look all over her, searching for the blood that should be there. Finally I notice, the two spots of blood on the side of her neck, something that the investigators wouldn’t notice when they found the body and tried to find the killer, those two pinpricks that only symbolized one thing…My eyes widen, because I know what has killed her, and I know that I will be the only one who ever knows who killed her. I walk out of the room, determined to live forever alone, forever hunting…the vampires.

there ya go! sry, but there is no link, and this is just the beginning of a story really, i hope it qualifies. thx
luv gabriella

you can still enter it and it's okay, no link necessary!

Okay. I'm sorry Stephen that I haven't been able to write at all since everything's been going wrong in my life right now. I just had my grandpa's brother pass away yesterday morning.

Can I still turn it in? I have it on my computer at home I just got to write more on it though. Just wondering.

you can

If it's too long, tell me!

THE UNKNOWN WORLD

“Mom…I don’t understand…HA... why I must learn to sword fight and Sophie doesn’t,” Allie says as her mother almost stabs her with the flying silver sword. Both jump to and fro, yelling as they make a good move. Sophie sat on the back porch steps, watching her sister and mother practice.
“Allie,” Norah said, not giving up, “how many times must I tell you? You need not worry about the cause yet. Mommy has it all under control,” She pushed a piece of red hair that fell out of her bun behind her ears. Allie panted heavily; sweat dripping down her face and mingling with the loose long blonde hair.
“But mother, it’s 2007. No body fights with swords anymore. It’s, well, unusual,” Allie lost concentration for a split second, allowing her mother to poke her stomach. She dropped her sword and grasped her stomach. “Ow! That hurt!” She looked up to see Norah’s sword pointed towards her head. Sophie kneeled over laughing, falling off of the steps onto the soft green grass. Norah lowered her sword.
“Allie, dear, you can do this. Now keep eye contact with me and try your best to be on defense rather then offence. Try to protect your self first and foremost then try to attack. Stop looking away look directly into my eyes.” They went at it again; the sound of metal clashing filled the air. “That’s better… you’re getting it. Ok… time to stop… momma’s not feeling so well.” She looked faint, almost falling over. Allie and Sophie ran to catch her and helped her up again. “Its ok girls I’m fine! Allie you practice with your sister and I’ll go get Parish.” She staggered into the house, holding on to anything that could support her.
“I wonder what’s wrong with mother.” Sophie said in bewilderment. A few moments later Norah came out with Parish on her hips, more stable than before. She put Parish down, who proceeded to the swings. Sophie followed, knowing what Parish wanted to do. Swing. Norah sat down on the lawn chair and ran her fingers through her thin blonde hair. Her eyes started drooping as she took deeper breaths.
“Mother, are you alright?” Allie said, worried about her mother’s health. Norah looked over to her, tired.
“I’m going to go and make lunch now and bring it out in a few minutes. Stay out here, no matter what happens. Allie, do you see that gate over there?” She pointed to an old rotted wood gate as she stood. Allie looked and nodded her head.
“You mean the one you told us not to go through?”
“Yes, that one. If anything happens to me, I want you and you alone to go through there. Remember the training we have gone through and bring your sword,” Norah turned and went inside, leaving Allie and Sophie with many questions. Before she walked through the door, she grabbed the side of the doorway, and leaned her head on it to catch some breath. Norah mumbled, “Ymay ountrycay ymay omehay Ymay Utyday ootay otectpray itay. Iay avehay ailedfay.”
“What did you say mother?” Sophie questioned.
“Nothing,” Norah said as she disappeared behind the door.
Half an hour went by, and Sophie, Parish, and Allie sat on the steps, waiting for Norah to return.
“I’m going to go see what is taking mother so long. Stay here,” Allie instructed. Sophie nodded her head in reply.

Allie cautiously stepped inside. “Mother?” she yelled, “Mother, are you done with lunch?” Suddenly she heard someone sucking in air, like they were choking. She ran to the kitchen to find her mother lying on the floor. Norah looked up, wheezing. She was trying hard to keep her eyes open and her head aloft. Allie gasped and ran over to her, kneeling by her side.
“Allie,” Norah managed to whisper, “go… through the gate….. trust… no one….” Allie leaned closer so she could be able to hear. Norah sucked in air. “Protect your country…..find Gwenn….tell him you’re……Lamara’s…..daughter……I…I love you…all of you…I…I…” She broke of, trying to take in oxygen. Tears streamed down Allie’s face.
“Mamma, mamma no! We need you! I need you!!!! Mamma, what’s happening? I love you, we love you! Please, don’t go!” Allie held Norah’s hand, not knowing what to do. She calmed down, controlling her tears. Putting her head on her mother’s head, Allie breathed in, wishing none of this would happen. She knew it would, but why now? Why must her mother be taken away like this, leave her with her sisters? At this age?
“Imay ountrycay Imay omehay Imay Utyday ootay otectpray itay. Oshray Imhay. My country, my home, my duty to protect it. You have to Protect Him. I have failed….. Don’t fail…. Don’t end up like me…. I love you….I….” Norah’s head fell to the floor. She no longer swallowed air.
“Mother! NO!” Allie screamed as she cried hysterically. She brushed her mother’s hair out of her face. Allie remembered what her mother said. Go through the gate. Find Gwenn, whoever that was, and tell him that you are Lamara’s daughter. “Lamara must be mother,” Allie thought to herself, wiping away the tears once more, “and that is what I am going to do.” She got up and walked out, still whimpering, to tell Sophie the news.
“So,” Sophie asked, “what is she doing?”
“Nothing, she’s doing nothing,” Allie replied, trying to hide her tears.
“Allie, what is wrong?” Allie didn’t respond. She sat down by Sophie on the steps, dropping her head. “Allie! What is wrong! Tell me!” Sophie pleaded, shaking Allie’s arm.
“She’s dead, ok!” Allie yelled, half angry and half sad, “Dead! D-E-A-D! She….she’s gone forever…” She broke out crying. Sophie stared in disbelief as she let go of Allie’s arm. She put her arms around Allie and hugged her. They both cried for a few minutes, until Perish started whining from the swing. Sophie responded, taking her out of the swing and setting her down to run around. Allie sat there, pondering. “My country, my home, my duty to protect it. You have to Protect Him. I have failed….. Don’t fail…. Don’t end up like me…. I love you….I…” Allie went over and over what her mother said, trying to figure out what she meant. Sophie sat back down and noticed Allie was in deep thought.
“What are you thinking about?” Sophie asked as she wiped her eyes.
“Before mom, you know, died, she said something in this weird language. She said Imay ountrycay Imay omehay Imay Utyday ootay otectpray itay. Oshray Imhay. Then she translated. My country, my home, my duty to protect it. You have to Protect Him. Then she continued to say I have failed….. Don’t fail…. Don’t end up like me. Before that she said protect your country find Gwenn tell him your Lamara’s daughter.
I think Him is whatever is through that gate. Maybe, maybe that language she spoke is a language she learned, when she lived in Him.
“What do you think is through there?” Sophie asked.
“I don’t know,” Allie responded, “there is only one way to find out.”

When are you going to judge?

Beast Of Fear -story
By: TheWorldFell&UWerentThere (SUMMER)

You are nothing but a beast that creeps in the night. You have no face; you have no eyes, just the hollow eye sockets standing in darkness for yourself. Don’t turn off the light unless you want to be dead. Hide under the covers but fear will just peel them off and you will still be faced with your nightmare. It will not and cannot go away. It is just a image inside your head, stuck there night after night, that gets you so restless in the mornings. The way you imagine yourself is how you will be. Fear will continue to haunt in the shadows following you. It’s the ache inside your heart that seems to never go away. It’s the violence in front of your eyes that will never stop. It’s the nightmares that keep you looking behind your back. No one can seem to understand themselves. Everyone has their fear; everyone has spent one of their nights sitting up holding on to their pillow waiting for the truth to come. It’s different for everyone. Fear is carved and burned under your skin, watching every move you make. It knows when you feel the pain, hurt, fear of it. It can and will be your worst enemy.

It’s the face of the truth that none will know. It’s going to keep nagging them with their fear of them to keep living. You live more off fear then you ever did with other things. Fear is the reason why you keep dying everyday, over and over and over again. Things may change, but that’s totally out of your head. You believe it will stay forever and ever. You believe it’s here to decay you. But just think once, you are killing your own self, you are decaying yourself. You choose to live in the fear of fear. You are afraid of yourself; you are your own fear. As I am of my own. Yes, we will keep holding onto life like a rock climber and his rope. But someday we have to let it all go. Some know that it’s the only way to stop fear from haunting them, so they think they should end it. Nothing but a bunch of cowards if you ask me. You will only grow stronger and stronger if you keep working yourself through the things that life throws at you. You will learn more about yourself as you spend each day decaying and dying. Problems will arouse and things will become hard at one point, but this isn’t a game. We can’t shut off the fear of ourselves, heartbreaks, the tears and the nights of hiding from yourself. We can’t just blink everything away or we’ll just end up missing the opportunity of making it better for yourself. Like the saying, “Blink once, part of your life has passed, Blink twice, everything is gone.” What about the hopes and dreams you hope you can get to If we don't live the life that we were set to live, and not make so many changes to it or we'll just be fake like some of those that already made of themselves. Just think about it once, we are so afraid to live the life we want to. We are our own beast of fear. All we do now it seems is living in the fear of how people are going to accept us, how people are going to view or know us. Think about it, you really are the beast of your own fear.

^^ I hope it's OK.

Results will be posted sometime on the upcoming monday!

I am sorry. I have 7 stories left to read (i am seriously criticizing IN DEPTH... you will see when the results are posted) I JUST ASK THAT

author: Fading Memories
date: 2007.03.14 19:41

answer
Title: The World Unkown: Volume I
Genre: ? Fantasy, Fiction ?
Author: Fading Memories

PLEASE RESERVE!!!! WILL BE DONE BY TOMORROW!!!

FADING MEMORIES posts his short story. RESULTS WILL NOT BE POSTED UNTIL HE either says he will not submit one OR he submits one. If you want to email him or send a p/m then feel free to do so cause trust me, i have all the time in the world.

Who, me? What about me? I am lost!!! Oh by the way, I am a her, but that's ok. I forgive you! Unless you are not talking about me. I used to be fading memories. But now I'm Making Memories With My Lover.

OH!!! I GET IT!!! Sorry for not telling you I have changed my name. PLease don't be mad at me! OMG!!! Wow, I really screwed up. Sorry again people!

Well...can you tell us the results now then?

It's kind of frustrating when the contests ends after the date it says it will, even though a long time's been given already, and then waiting even longer for the results when they were supposed to beposted a few days ago

Aagin, I'm terribly sorry for causing all of this mess. Truely I am! I really screwed up. Yes, I agree and unfortunantly I am the cause of the frustration. :(

Ok. i am almost done. Just getting over the procrastination of the really long story. Trust me, you will understand why it is taking so long when you see the results. I am going on an in depth grammar scour of each story and numbering and correcting every mistake. Yea, so i am trying to go as fast as one person can on a laptop at midnight!

Not to push you or anything, I was just wondering when you were going to finish judging. IT's awesome that you are going really in depth!!! Not alot of people do that anymore!

I am going as fast as i can :)

:) Thankyou for taking your time.

p.1 of RESULTS (p.2 will come later...)

Broken, your first submittal is merely one of your poems in paragraph form :).

All short stories have been judged... and i will not submit the results until Fading Memories posts his short story or says whether or not he will :).

Edits:

KEY:
(?) Unsure what you meant, but the correction is my suggestion
(!) Most indefinitely wrong, and my suggestion is correct
(*) Can be right or wrong

Just as a subnote, i do not use any word processor to correct spelling, grammar, fragments, run-ons, word misusage, etc... All edits are done by me and may or may not be correct. Usually, if it doesn't seem right to me it is wrong. If my make a mistake, please do say so. If you are not satisfied with my reply/edits on your story, you may express your dissatisfaction either on a reply to this thread or through a private message.

Also, if you wish, i ask you to read/check out/and/or/comment/vote on one of my featured/latest/more poems! It would be much appreciated after the 14 hours in 4 days i put in editing, reading, rereading and deciding the winners. *SIGH* This tuckered me out. Good hella day to y'all! (Okay, so it's midnight and i'm still not finished. Make that around 16 hours.)

xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex:
Corrections:
1) Always lost in the darkness of depths = Always lost in the depths of Darkness (?)
2) where to shout= were to shout (!)
3) one would hear him, and if = one would hear him; if (*)
4) would be there to comfort. = would be there to comfort him (!)
5) And if you tell this dreamer to dance would he dance or stick his tongue out at you = new paragraph, therefore i suggest you don't begin the new paragraph off with the word AND (*)
6) this dreamer to dance would he dance or = this dreamer to dance, would he dance or (!)
7) to believe would he believe? = to believe, would he believe? (!)
8) The dreamer is out subconscious. = IF The dreamer is out subconscious. (!)
9 & 10) out subconscious. Can we tell our subconscious to dance? = out subconscious, can we tell.... ||| AND ||| can HE TELL HIS subconscious.... (!)
11) Or more importantly, to love? = you have already asked that question. Try to avoid repetition (*)
12) No longer wants to or thinks (perhaps knows) no one can hear. = when you have the word OR separating two thingy's, you should be able to cancel the or and the second/first phrase and automatically fit it in with what you are "or-ing" EG: OR THINKS .... = thinks no one can here. You can not fit NO LONGER WANTS TO with NO ONE CAN HERE. Just a little thing-a-majiggy. (!)

Those are your corrections, but they are not the results!

*GEM*:

1) But the damn = but the DAM (!)
2) But the damn had finally burst and there was no preventing it...= Well, dear. It is pretty obvious that you cannot stop the dam from exploding when it has already exploded. I suggest you put something in here about how you can't control the water flow (no preventing it = no withholding it) (*)
3)time to time, she had = time to time;/, and she had (*)
4) couldn't shift it but she would= couldn't shift it, but she would(!)
5) Just a suggestion for sprice up, not a neccessity: It wasn't supposed to end. = It wasn't even supposed to end.
6&7)They were in love, they were supposed to last. = They were in love(AND / ;) they were supposed to last (FOREVER). (!)
8) those words mean anything... = their words mean anything... (Unless you are talking about I LOVE YOU in this sentence. If so, ignore this suggestion) (*)
9) They were to in = they were too in...(!)

There you go Gemma!

STARSNSMILES:

1) night shows = nights show (*)
2) like that now. I’m not = like that now; I’m not (*)
3) different to any = different than any (?)
4) them, because I had dyslexia = them because I had dyslexia (?)
5) provocation = wrong word for this terminology. I suggest finding a new word. (!)
6) for me whatever = for me through (*)
7) started on me a well! = started on me as well! (personally, i suggest removing that sentence wholly) (!)
8) Every afternoon, I would go home and act normally around my parents, but then I would quickly go to my room to do ‘homework’. When I was on my own, I just sat on my bed and cried. Why me? What had I done to deserve this? = press enter one more time if this is a new paragraph
9) diary that I told= diary that I confessed to (*)
10) was on my own. = was on my own that they bullied me. (*)
11) and we had done before. = all of which we had done before. (!)
12) After about twenty minutes thought, Matt started to get = After about twenty minutes though, Matt started to get (!)
13) money, I want = money. I want (*)
14) sex but = sex, but (*)
15) my top = i suggest using the word "bra". It sounds... more intense. (*)
16) thought he was different to everyone else= thought he was different from everyone else (*)
17) and the relieve myself from this life.= and then relieve myself from this life. (!)
18) so I had four days to get through = so I had four days to prepare (*)
19) fell to the ground and curled up into a foetal position and covered = FETAL not FOETAL lol! (!)
20) realised what id done, and = realised what I'd done, and (!)

STARSNSMILES: I AM AMERICAN, YOU ARE BRITISH I BELIEVE (or canadian... w.e) so we spell things differently so if my corrections are... wrong then just ignore them!
(very well written story, by the way)

SoSickOfTeaRS:
1) avert = divert (not necessary, though) (*)
2) took offf to places unknown... = took off to places unknown... (!)

In this story, dear, you have to get the view in order (first person, second person, third person). I have a problem with this as well in my stories.

Sociopathetic [Lauren]:

1) faught = fought
Dear, you only really have spelling mistakes. I suggest running it through a spell checker. Other than that, the story seems pristine!

?Bëløved?:

1) Once upon a time, I suppose it was a Thursday, night came upon us in Church camp during the summer. The pastor had just finished his sermon and let us out. It was around 11 at night; some of us were playing pool in the dead of night. Others daring enough to roll themselves in huge tires, hoping to splash into the lake. I cringed, just imagining how cold it would be, additionally envisioning little frogs and fish touching the unlucky underwater visitors.= this whole paragraph is too rigid and strict. Remember, the first paragraph MUST get the reader into your story... it's a matter of whether will read your whole book (story) or just put it down like they would a napkin or tissue. Make the first paragraph attractive, catchy... put SOMETHING in it that makes it original and unique but extremely gripping. (!)
2) additionally envisioning little frogs and fish touching the unlucky underwater visitors. = the first word seems to be the work of a thesaurus. The rest is un necessary in my perspective (*)
3) I wasn't scared of getting mosquito bites or freezing. = FRAGMENT (?) -- why? why would you be? is it something to be afraid of? has anyone died from a bite in the past? - injured? critically?
*Side-Note*
Beloved. In this short story, it seems that you have short and choppy sentences. I think you need to expand your horizons... try for more writing, smaller words, bigger meaning.
4) once, I didn't want to play pool. = i believe your reader will think you made an err with this comment. I myself was confused, unsure if you were talking about the game pool or swimming in the pool (after all, the character WAS outside...)(*)
5) I closed my eyes, and he had disappeared just as suddenly as he came. = I OPENED my eyes, and he had disappeared just as suddenly as he came. (*)
6) I was afraid/To tell anyone hi/I was nervous/That I would cry = bad verse (*)
7) Like a giant monsoon= did you know that monsoon is WIND... is that really the word you are looking for? could it be Typhoon? I am not sure (?)
8) For no reason/And I was freezing/Out of season = forced and corny lines. You'd be best to emit those. (*)

The middle half of the poem down is better than the rest of the poem and the short story.

HIDDENXSOUL:

1) hold burden upon burden of hidden secrets. = This is a little ... sketchy with all the s's and such... i suggest either rewriting it or repeating it in your head and seeing the awkwardness of the words for yourself and fixing it in your own manner. (*)
2) Avoiding truths is his workload, = i'm not quite sure that this makes sense (?)
3) doting.... interesting word. Emit it. Don't make someone THINK that you made a spelling mistake in your story even if you didn't, unless your writing attracts more educated and older groups of people.(*)

SCARLETLIPS:

1) breakkie= not a word i suggest using, even in dialogue (*)
2) the back of my hand,” = the back of my hand.” (!)
3) do you think she is being kidnapped? Suddenly panicking, = where did "you" come from? Are you talking to me? Emit please. (!)
4) Joshy, Nicci = stop with them addressing eachother by their nicknames in the dialogue etc... no one says them anymore... it kinda makes the story lose it's genuineness (*)
5) “Sounds intriguing, of course I’ll come. = “Sounds intriguing. Of course I’ll come. (!)

Dear, i have to admit that it got boring around the third chapther thingy. I am going to finish yours later, i'll do the shorter ones now. Sorry =[

GABRIELLA:

1) wrapping = wrapped (!)
2) her, too really notice his cold fangs = her to notice his sharp fangs (!)
3) confused = dazed (*)
4) momentarily confused, when she feels a small prick = momentarily confused when she feels a small prick (!)
5)wrong until too late = wrong until it's too late (!)
6) She doesn’t even realize that something is wrong until it's too late: when the world starts faDing away, (*)
7) except the wind, whistling through =except the wind whistling through
8) A vampire makes his first kill = the vampire makes his first kill (?)
9) The moon is full= The moon is full. (!)
10) drips from my mouth, I am savoring = drips from my mouth. I am savoring (!)
11) but at the same time I am = and at the same time I am (*)
12) have done, I seem to have split into two, = have done. I seem to have split into two: (!)
13) to do. But the = to do; but the (?)
14) dread, a murderer. = dread: a murderer.
15) I suggest you remove this whole sentence: "partly a scream of pain, but also partly a scream of joy, from that feral part of me that really is a vampire. I jump from the window, and I fly." (*)
16) walls move and I try to steady = the walls seem to move and i try to steady (*)
17) my best friend, I desperately wish for = my best friend. I desperately wish for (!)
18) listen to me, I shake = listen to me. I shake (!)
19) light of the moon, my = light of the moon. My (!)
20) Finally I notice, the two spots = Finally, I notice two spots (the is a word of familiarity. Don't forget that she doesn't know it's a vampire who killed her friend at this point.) (!)
21) "the investigators wouldn’t notice when they found the body and tried to find the killer, those two pinpricks that only symbolized one thing" = OK, lemme ask you one thing. This is a dark murky night and this woman is killed. There are two little marks on the dead girls neck, which her friend sees... in the dark? If she sees it in the dark, how are investigators supposed to miss something like that under high-power, electrical lights? (?)

Dear gabby, i believe you have a s.l.i.g.h.t. problem with grammar lol!

now to do the long stories. (*sigh*)

HI!!!! I AM FADING MEMORIES!!!!!! I CHANGED MY NAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay... not to critisise (sp?)

But where you wrote..

"They were in love, they were supposed to last. = They were in love(AND / ;) they were supposed to last (FOREVER). (!)"

That would be wrong in my context cos the way the story is being told, is her thought pattern, the thoughts are coming sharp and fast and her emotions are getting in the way as well. That's why the sentences are spilt up, to represent how she's thinking.
So yeah.. there's no need for an 'and' and a 'forever'. Thats not how she's thinking.
But thanks anyway
*Gem*

Thanks for all your comments - I understand what you mean now about going in depth!
I'm going to reply to your comments, because I'm bored, and this looks more appealing than a geography essay!

1) night shows = nights show (*) - I prefer my way

2) like that now. I'm not = like that now; I'm not (*) - I meant it to be two sentences

3) different to any = different than any (?) - I think it's an American-British difference; my way makes more sense to me. In fact, to me, your way seems to be appalling grammar!

4) them, because I had dyslexia = them because I had dyslexia (?) - fair point, that comma shouldn't be there

5) provocation = wrong word for this terminology. I suggest finding a new word. (!) - What's wrong with provocation? Maybe you Americans use it in a different context to us, but to me, that's a perfectly good word. But what would you suggest to use instead, if I did decide to change it?

6) for me whatever = for me through (*) - I agree it needs another word, but I'm not keen on 'through'. Maybe 'no matter what happened'. Not sure, I'll think about it.

7) started on me a well! = started on me as well! (personally, i suggest removing that sentence wholly) (!) - As well, fair point. But why do I need to remove it all? And do you mean the *entire* sentence, or just that phrase? I don't think it would make sense with the whole sentence taken out.

8) Every afternoon, I would go home and act normally around my parents, but then I would quickly go to my room to do 'homework'. When I was on my own, I just sat on my bed and cried. Why me? What had I done to deserve this? = press enter one more time if this is a new paragraph - It's not a new paragraph

9) diary that I told= diary that I confessed to (*) - I'm not changing this. Confessing, to me, implies admitting that you have done something wrong; she's not done anything wrong, therefore she is not confessing to her diary. She's just telling her diary what happened.

10) was on my own. = was on my own that they bullied me. (*) - Not sure about this one. I can see why you're telling me to change it, but I don't like using bully twice in the same sentence.

11) and we had done before. = all of which we had done before. (!) - Changed to 'as we had done before', rather than 'all of which' - 'all of which' would be better to use with 3+ activities/items etc; there was only two activities mentioned there.

12) After about twenty minutes thought, Matt started to get = After about twenty minutes though, Matt started to get (!) - though not thought, that was another proof reading error, sorry!

13) money, I want = money. I want (*) - Fair point

14) sex but = sex, but (*) - fair point

15) my top = i suggest using the word "bra". It sounds... more intense. (*) - Haha, yeah I see your point. I only used 'top' because I was like 13 or something when I wrote this. It was for school, and the teacher was weird about using any words that were 'inappropriate' - and yes, 'bra' would have counted as inappropriate! So yeah, I'll change it now, but that's why I didn't use the word before.

16) thought he was different to everyone else= thought he was different from everyone else (*) - American-British difference; my way makes sense to me

17) and the relieve myself from this life.= and then relieve myself from this life. (!) - fair point, proof reading error

18) so I had four days to get through = so I had four days to prepare (*) - she's not preparing her suicide for four days. She's got four days left to cope with, to live though, before she can escape this world

19) fell to the ground and curled up into a foetal position and covered = FETAL not FOETAL lol! (!) - No lol, here it's usually spelt foetal

20) realised what id done, and = realised what I'd done, and (!) - Yes, sorry, another proof read error. There are so many, ooops! I can't believe I've not picked up on them before; my grammar is good, but as you can see, my typing's not! Though for some reason I just don't see the errors when I read though the text again; probably because I'm not specifically looking for grammatical errors, and I skim read rather than read every individual word!

STARSNSMILES: I AM AMERICAN, YOU ARE BRITISH I BELIEVE (or canadian... w.e) so we spell things differently so if my corrections are... wrong then just ignore them!
(very well written story, by the way)
^ Thank you

So there we go; my responses to your comments. I guess I'd better get on with that essay now that I've done this!

Thanks again for the comments

By the way, I was skimming through the post you made, and I noticed you told Beloved that a monsoon is wind...but most people use it to mean the torrential rain that accompanies it. I don't have time to read though her story again, but maybe the word makes better sense in the context if you think of it as meaning rain rather than wind.

When is my story going to be edited? I know I made ALOT of mistakes!!!

Ok, have you judged? Just wondering.....

No he hasnt, hes still critiqueing the poems. =]

OK, thankyou!!!!

No she hasnt, shes still critiqueing the poems. =] = No HE hasnt, HE'S still critiqueing the poems. =]

Snap sorry hon! i forgot it was you judging!

LOL. I am sorry my story boredd you. =P But thanks for the critique.