love, friends, and broken hearts

Ever had a romantic conflict with your best friend?

My best friend in the world has, for the second time, confessed his feelings for me. The only difference about this time and the time before is that I have actually started to develop strong feelings for him. So strong in fact that I think I could, one day, fall in love with him for the first time.

But of course I will reject him, again, because we come from two very different groups in the little world of High School and quite frankly I am embarrassed to go out with him.

Of course I won't tell him that, I plan to say that his friendship is too valuble for me to risk ruining, which is actually true considering that I am terrified of losing him as a friend if things were to not work out. But really I want to wait until the summer when the concerns of reputation and cliques of high school will be over forever and I can be free to care about him as much as I want with out anyone snickering or "oh my god" ing behind my back.

In short I'm a superficial bitch who's basically keeping him on a leash because I want to explore my options and am afraid of regretting going out with a "guy like that".

Karma is going to bite me in the ass. As soon as I'm ready to confess my feelings he will have moved on and I would have deserved it.

anyone else?

Who gives a shit what other people think?? If you have strong feelings for him, and he obviously has feelings for you, then go out with him, no matter what anyone else says.

You know what, High School may be hard, but it's for 4 years of your life, that's it, only 4. And what people said about you now, isn't going to matter in even a couple years, so like I said, who gives a shit?? People care to much about what other people think, and that keeps them from being happy. Ever heard that song by Avirl Lavingne?? Skater Boy.. exactly my point, you'll regret it later...

It takes much more backbone to be different and not care what people think than to just go with the crowd. So don't make fun of those who are different, because they are the best type of people, who do what is right, not what is cool...

What I'm trying to say is, it shouldn't matter what other people say about you and him. If he makes you happy, and you make him happy, then go ahead and be happy, no matter what anyone says. Cause if you don't you'll regret it big time later!!! I hope this helped
Much Love
~*Danielle*~

No, you're absolutely right, I know, and I know I shouldn't care what other people think, I'm just afraid that at some point if we start a relationship now he'll end up getting hurt one way or another because of this situation (probably by me).
But I want to get over this petty Rep. concern because I do really care about him and I don't want to lose him, so maybe I can become big enough of a person to disregard what other people think. We'll see.

Anyone else have Romance-Friendship conflicts?

Better to have loved and lost, then to have not loved at all....

No cause i don't like loosing friends so i don't ever tell them if i like the smae guy as them cuz im too nice or anything i just give in.

Reputations can kiss my a_s . I don`t see the point in them . I mean, my "rep." is pretty low, but I have more true friends than a lot of "popular" people I know . Heck, I`m an infamous b_tch . Me . I liked my best friend once . He liked me too . So one day, he decides to ask me out . Only to dump me two and a half weeks later because his friend said that I said that I loved him, but wasn`t iN love with him . Honestly, that iS how I felt, but I loved him . Our friendship tore apart after that . Jealousy erupted -- Him of my new boyfriend two months later . And me of my enemy who he fell for again, for like the millionth time . We hated each other for months ; ignoring and glaring . Talking smack & giving evil eye & ignoring each others` existence every time we passed each other during school . Until finally during the summer, he teased me and picked on me . This year, we`re good friends again . I never enter a relationship with a best friend anymore unless I feel that it`ll honestly work .
..__MiNDYY

Britt: I know, you're right and I know it's wrong. But the more I think about it the more I do think that at this time it is better to reject him because in all honesty, if I'm not big enough of a person to disregard what other people think and do what my feelings want me to do, how can I be a bigger person to not hurt him later? I feel like we both need to grow up a little before we become involved in anything because i know that if we did start something we would both want it to last, no regrets.

I also rejected him because he has made it quite clear that he would do anything for me no matter how much I hurt him, he told me that if I didn't return his feelings he would still be there for me always and never leave my side, and he still continues to take me out and buy me gifts ( that I ended up secretly returning to his family because I knew it was wrong to take them) and basically told me that he would wait for me as long as I wanted, and I don't want to make him do that.

I know I seem like an awful friend for rejecting him for these reasons but I know that if I didn't reject him I would be taking advantage of him in so many ways. It would be so easy to manipulate him, keep him on a leash , use him, and I don't want to do that in ANY way. I want him to be able to find someone else if he can, even if it breaks my heart seeing it. I don't want him to be stuck waiting for me all the time, and if I had said "yes" or told him my true feelings and said that I'm "just not ready yet" he would be waiting and getting hurt more and more everyday. I care too much about him to do that

Well why don't you tell him what you just told us,
Tell him exactly how you feel, and explain it to him, he deserves it.

Oh and by the way, if you can't get over what other people will say, I think you're right, you're to immature to be in a relationship...

I'm sorry if that seems rude, but it's the truth, if you honestly care that much about what others think, then you will only be hurting him in the long run. You have a good heart (because you obviously don't want to hurt him) and it's in the right place, but you need to grow up a little first.

"But of course I will reject him, again, because we come from two very different groups in the little world of High School and quite frankly I am embarrassed to go out with him."

Ouch, sorry but you don't deserve him. That is really mean.

perfect- I know that's exactly what I'm saying. Usually diving into a relationship isn't that hard for me and if I have feelings for him and he pursues me then I'm all for it. But this time it's different because I can actually see myself falling in LOVE with him.

I know everyone here thinks I'm awful for these reasons but I'm just being honest. I just don't want to mess this up which is exactly why I'm not being honest with him. If I told him the real reasons I know he'd end up waiting around for me, and I'm not going to do that. He needs to learn to respect himself more than that before we actually start a relationship because if we do I want it to last, and I want it to mean something.

im sorry to say this, but what kind of friendship is based on lies?you say you love him, but i dont think you know the meaning because if you love him you wouldnt care about clics in school or what ANY other person in the world thought so long as you both were happy.
you say he needs too learn to respect HIMSELF i think you need to learn to respect him.

Michelle - yes, your reasons for not wanting to go out with him are shallow. however... i'm glad that you are being brutally hoonest with yourself, and with those who you're asking for advice. it seems like you really do care about him a lot, and maybe just need to mature a bit. if he's still around when that happens, then excellent. he sounds like a great fellow. but in the meantime, i would tell him these things. perhaps he can help you grow. good luck!

ms.understood- I love him a lot, I know that I do because I put his feelings before anything else. I have not yet, however, fallen IN love with him. I was saying that could happen if we started a relationship, but we haven't.
And I know that some people might disagree with this but honestly, sometimes it's better to lie. The relationship, which at the moment a very strong friendship, is not built on them. I do however lie to him abou my feelings because think of this scenario:

I tell him that I have feelings for him but that I'm not ready to start such a powerful relationship. Knowing him he'd say "I'll wait" and will most likely try again, and again, and again to start something. During this whole time he will not even consider the thought of finding someone else or even dating another girl. What happens if I find someone I like or start to date someone? For one it would crush him, but still I know he wouldn't look for anyone and would just sit back and watch while I date some other guy. Then what happens if my feelings subside, or we can't be together (we're both going to school next year, so far our plans are to be together but that could always change) all his efforts would have been for nothing, he'd feel used and stupid, and knowing him do something to hurt himself (he has mild but various addictions).

Now consider I do what I'm doing and DON'T tell him. He knows that he should move on. He could find another girl, be happy with someone else, not be left sitting in the corner waiting. Yes, that would absolutely break my heart to see him with another girl, but if it makes him happy then I'm happy for him.

Basically, I think it's better to lie because I don't want to say anything about my feelings because I feel like it's teasing him. I feel like I'm saying "well, I do have feelings for you, but just hang around until I feel like actually starting something". Until I'm sure niether of us will have any regrets and can devote each other to the relationship completely, I don't want to say anything because I know I could break his heart.

Sibyellen: I do see what you mean though, him helping me grow. He already has in a lot of ways, maybe you're right.

Like I said before, you have a big heart and it's in the right place. I'm glad you are so honest with us, but more importantly yourself. Because we could tell you all these things, but it won't mean crap if you don't see it.

Also, if you put it that way, maybe it is better if you don't tell him you like him, but most deftintely don't stop being his friend. You may be a little shallow, but you know, everyone goes through that stage, so you're not a terrible person for it, you just need to find a way to move past it.

I personally think that you already love him, to some degree anyway. If not in that way, at least as a friend. You are putting his feelings before yours, and that is the right way to go. It shows that you truly care.

Also, by being honest with us and yourself, you have already seen your mistakes, now all you have to do is fix them. Easier said than done, I know, but it's one less step, look, you're already moving forward!! lol ^_^

"But of course I will reject him, again, because we come from two very different groups in the little world of High School "

WHY?! High school is sooooo stupid. What people think just doesn't matter. And if some of your friends decide he's not cool enough to be liked by you, then they're not cool enough to be liked by you. Simple.

Stop caring what people think or Karma really is going to give you a slap in the face.

haha I know. Like I said, we need to grow up a little. Maybe college will provide some maturity, you never know.

perfect- yeah, I do love him as a friend. More than anyone else I know