contest about the best joke

okay you have to put the best joke you know down, and the winer gets a prize!!

1st- 10 votes and 7 comments

2nd- 8 votes and 5 comments

3rd- 5 votes and 3 comments
go fast cuz you only have one week
winers tell me what poems you want me to vote for and comment!! ready
GO!!!!!!

What do You call a three legged donkey?

A wonkey :p

Yeah I know it's lame and don't worry I'm not expecting to win :p

lololololol ^^^^^ i loved that one!!!!

come one ppl keep um coming

"Three buddies are stranded on an island.. and are found by headhunters...the head hunters threaten that they must each go into the island jungles and find 10 pieces of fruit and bring them back...

When the first one comes back he carries 10 apples with him.. and then he is told he must insert them in his bum without making a sound or he will be killed and eaten.

He was successful with the first one, but he let out a slight groan with the second.. so they killed him..

The second guy returns with 10 berries... was instructed the same and was successful until the 9th one, then he burst out in laughter and was killed...

When the first two met on the other side the the first one says..."What is wrong with you?.. You had it made, you only had one more to go and you could have lived"

The second one replied..."I couldn't help it, I was being very careful not so make a sound.. but then I saw Jerry coming back with 10 pineapples"

*Gem*

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.

"What seems to be the problem?" The wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.

He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!" The husband scratched his head and replied... "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

A little girl and her mother were out and about.

Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"

The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."

The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.

The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.

The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."

The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"

The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?"

The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."

The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence.

At once, they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave."

The old man frowned, "I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim
naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding up the bucket, he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: Old men can still think fast!

^^^ LOL it took me a seconed to think about that lol. here's one:

A dumb blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were stranded in the middle of the wilderness. the brunette goes out to find some food and comes back with a rabbit. the other 2 ask how she did it. "I see tracks, i follow tracks, i find rabbit." the next day the redhead goes out and comes back with a deer, and the other 2 ask the same question. "I see tracks, i follow tracks, i find deer". then the blonde goes out. the next day she comes back and she is all beat up and her clothes are ripped to shreads. the brunette and the redhead exclaim "What happened?" the blonde replies, "I see tracks, i follow tracks, i find train."

that is a funny one!

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in.
"Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?," he says.
"That's cool" says Bobby.
Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.
Carrie's father responds "why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it."
Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby-so he asks Carrie's Dad to repeat it.
"Yeah," says Carries father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"
Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and his plans for the evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:
" DANGIT DADDY....! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!"

Rotflol!!!!

So this guy, he has a 20 inch dick and he goes to the doctor to ask what to do about it. the doctor tells him to see the old witch in the woods. he asks the witch the same question. she tells him to go to the old frog in the pond and ask him to marrry you. every time he says no, it'll go down 5 inches. so he goes and asks the frog "frog, will you marry me?" after the frog says no, it shrinks to 15 in. "frog, will you marry me?" the frog looks a little annoyed and says "No." 10 inches. the guy thinks to himself that 1 more time would be enough. so he says "frog, will you marry me?" the frog replies angrily, "how many times do i have to tell you? no, No, NO!".

(if you dont get it, do the math!)

lolz.., that was a really funny one!! they all are good job guys, keep um coming!!

A readhead is standing on railroad tracks, moving back and forth going, "42...42...42...42..." when a blonde comes up and asks what she is doing. The readhead replies its a secret ritual to make people smarter. When the blonde hears this she asks, "May I try it!?" and the readhead steps off the tracks. The blonde steps on and moves back and forth going, "42...42...42...42..." when suddenly she is hit full force by a train and killed. When the train passes, the readhead stands motionless, staring at the spot where the blonde was. then she steps back on to the tracks and starts moving back and forth saying, "43...43...43...43..."

thats the best one i could think of!!!

One day a lady prayed to the lord: "lord i have sinned, i have comitted the sin of vanity... every day, twice a day i look in the mirror and see how beautiful i am"
she hears a voice down from heaven: "fear not my child, for you have not sinned, just made a grave mistake..."

.. well i like it...
xxx

One day a brunette, dumb blonde, and a redhead decided to hold a contest to see who could do the breast stroke across the lake and back the fastest. 2 days later the brunette comes back and decides to wait for the others. 3 days after that the redhead came back, and they wait for the blonde. after 2 weeks of waiting, the blonde comes back. a reporter is there, and he goes over to the blonde. "so tell me, what took you so long?" he asked the blonde. Panting, the blonde replied,"they cheated...........they used there arms!"

The neighborhood postman was retiring after 25 years. On his last day of delivering mail, all of the people on his route left him something in the mail box in honor of his retirement. Some left money, some left small gifts, and some met him at the door and invited him in for a meal. This went on all through the neighborhood. As he proceeded through his route, the gifts got better and better. One house even gave him a gold watch!

He was so satisfied, but the last house paled in comparison. As he was putting the mail in the mailbox, the door opened, and the woman of the house stood there in beautiful lingerie. She invited him inside. He knew that this woman's husband was a truck driver and was away, so he went inside. She proceeded to give him the day and night of his life.

The next morning he woke up to find she was bringing him breakfast in bed. He found a dollar bill under his plate as he ate and asked her about it. She explained, "When I called my husband to ask him what we should give you for your retirement, he said, 'Screw him; give him a dollar.' Breakfast was my idea."

you guys r doing great!!!!you still have 2 more days, ill post the winners on sunday, so hurry, before its to late!!!

just 1 more day, lets go people!!

so this guy is hanging out with his buddies, when he hears a rumor. the rumor is that if u go to a cave and and say "woohoo!" and u hear a woohoo back, then u go into a cave and see a bunch of strippers. so he goes to a small cave, goes woohoo! and hears woohoo back, runs in, and sees a bunch of strippers. the next day he goes to a larger cave and goes woohoo! and he hears woohoo back, goes in and finds even more strippers. the next day he goes to this huge cave and thinks there must be a lot of strippers in here. so he goes to the edge of the cave and goes woohoo! and minute later he hears "WOOHOO". and goes in. the next day, the headlines of the local newspaper are "Idiot gets run over by train".

haha that was funny Poetry Heart... lol =P
♥Ciao

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he will stop snoring. "Yeah right!" she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed!

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies.

He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him. So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.

The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we were .... or what we did ... but, ... We took first and second place."

hahaha, these r really good guys!!! you can post as many as you want, just so you know, contest ends tomorrow, so hurry!!

okay, so i was out yester day, and couldnt get to a computer, but here are the winers

1. robie
2. laura
3. poetryheart

this was a really hard one to do, they were all good, and i loved that one about the muffins!!!
congrats to the winners, tell me what you want me to comment and vote on!!!

wow,i can't believe my eyes,thanks so much honey

you had some really good ones, your welcome!!!!remember tell me what you want me to comment and vote, winners!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-my valentine,my love(vote&comment)
-erase my life as you erase my pain(vote&comment)
-aphrodite's spell(vote&comment)
-save me(vote&comment)
-somewhere(vote&comment)
-no other way-vote
-i wanna-vote
-don't wanna say goodbye-vote

Thanks alot honey
Congrats to other winners
See ya all
Laura

your welcome,ill do those right now!!!

wow thank you! um, just any of my poems really. i dont care which ones, probably my most recent ones would be best, thanks so much, you should do this again!

i think i will do this agian, but with a diffrent topic, yeah, i will right now, but you gotta do it!!!

okay, you go dig a BIG hole in the ice. then you put peas all around the outside of it. and when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!! :D

^^question....

how do you catch a polar bear???

oops. :)

i know the contest is over, but i love that joke. :)