moving out

Hey um... my brother has kinda been like abusive through out my life. He's only actually hit me once.. tho he's tried other times through out his fits of anger. He pretty much just verbally abuses all of us. um... i no i sed that light heartedly kinda i just idk. I feel like i i say it any other way it'll just sound all dramatic when i don't no if it's even that big a deal which is why I'm kidna posting it. He;s been better reasontly. But i justcan't get rid of some of the memory's in my head. So reasontly when he's been yelling and stuff I've yelled back, and it's just made it worse, but I'm sick of being quiet i jsut want to stand up for myself. the past 2 years were the years that it got bad. And well i was always the one that would go up and help him after he flip out and called my mom a bitch or a whore and yelled at my dad and shit. Idk. I always believe that he would change. I tried to believe there was reason he did those things. I had too, because i had to believe he loved us. Reasontly i reliese that he really just doesn't. I dont know. Anyway, one day he was yelling at me and at the end of it was in my room with my mom. And he had left the house and my mom told me i could move out. I don't have anywhere to go hoenstly. My best friend lives across the world in Budepest, and she's the only one i would ever want to live with, so i don't no where to go, but i really don't no if i want to be here anymore. I want to leave, I'm jstu scared to admit that to my mom, i jsut keep saying "no it's ok mom I'm used to it." or "it'll end soon" tho we both no it won't. anyhow... i was just wondering if you guys had any idea like wut to do. cuz I'm just getting all creeped, i used to be a really depressed person and thoughs feelings are starting to ocme back. I used to cut and stuff and I'm starting to get thoughs urges... i no i won't but idk. I hate the feelings.. and one time iwas thinking "just this one time." until i remembered talking to a group of girls at my school about my experiences (you no like inspirational crap and all) and i sed that the first time i cut that's wut i thought... and that took me well... not good places. If i hadn't had that memory would i have cut? idk.. i'm just afraid.. and i believe that i won't, but i don't want to want to cut. That's an old peice of me, an enemy of mine, and even i don't cut, i don't want to feel like i once did.

maybe some of that sounded unrelated to you.. i guess i jsut started ranting. Thanx guys.. for whoever reads this..

~Peace ~ love~

I'm guessing your brother is going through hormones, yet at the same time he's too big for his boots. You need to tell your parents how you feel because he's practically pushing them around like he's head of the house when he shouldn't be. I dunno, maybe if you sent him away for a while with relatives or something he might realise he needs to calm down or be sent to some sort of camp? And are your parents doing anything about this at all?
x

well if your having a little bit of an issue finding a place and your afraid to go home I would stay at school for or another place as much as I could. Like maybe join a sport or club at school. Im just using that as an example but just so you stay away from him. I know when my older brother got really upset he would put his hands on me so i just tryed to get away...like go on a walk or something.

Some people are just really voilent people that need major help and cant do it on their own, maybe you and your parents should look for a place for him to stay.

I know you had an urge to cut but its just a tempory problem for something that ya'll get help with. I dont want to say much more and be a hypocrite though.
If you need to talk more you can alway talk to me though
bubblegirl290@hotmail.com

hey guys. Um.. thanx. please don't blame my parents tho. They try as hard as they can and they really are the best parents ever. I can't explain how hard it is to control him. he's 19 years old we've tried so much so help him with his problems. And such..that i won't get into. Um.. adn once none of that worked we did try to get him to leave. We've threatened many times to kick him out. WE've called the cops on him for demestic abuse, But now wen we bring up to him moving out next eyar for college and stuff he jsut yells at us and tells us he's doing it. Idk. I can't explain. My parents are trying as hard as they can. But honestly if they tried to stand up to him, he would hurt them. He is bipolar, that is what he was diagnost with 2 years ago. tho, he refuses to acknowledge it. He was put into a hospital repetivive times... and the first time it was because he was suicidle.. after that it was depression and aggressive behavior. Since then, i think he hasn't been able to forgive my parents for "putting him there' tho the first time he wanted to go. Um... my parents didn't no wut to do. All the time he was either horrible depressed, or horribly angry. Idk I'll shut up now. But please don't blame my parents it's not there fault.
Anyhow, i can't move out. I can't ditch my family liek that. In a year he'll be gone so w.e. I'll jsut suck it up for a while longer.

Thanx guys, so much. Sorry if i felt like i wrote this for nothing, because i kinda came up with my own answer in the end, but thanx for the support and all.

~peace~