I need help...

I have absolutley nowhere to turn, no one i can talk to, my parents would be heart broken, so would my friends, theres no one else i trust.
I know i need help, im way to scared to ask for councelling, everyone would ask me what was wrong.

My life is going downhill fast.

I've never really thought there was any meaning to life anyway but i've never been really unhappy. Ive always been a rebel, just to add some meaning to why im here, it may not seem a big deal but knowing that life is pointless gets you down sometimes.

So i drink to block it out, a couple of beers in the week, and a bottle of vodka on the weekends with my mates. I dont give a shit about it hurting me physically or mentaly.

In the past 6 monts my heart has been broken 3 times, all by guys at least 4 years older than me, more than i can take, now it really dosnt take much to make me depressed.

All this time ive had drugs, and theyre the only thing thats kept me going, i dont care that they hurt me at all, i dont care about me, i hate me, but now i have to stop because ive been caught and it hurts everyone to know how fuked up i am.

So many times ive thought it would be so much easier for my friends and family if i just died, so ive tried a few times, suffocating myself, overdose, but i could never carry it through, that makes me feel so pathetic.

This may not all be too bad, the drugs and the drink e.t.c but the only thing is everyone thinks its worse coz im 13.

I am NOT looking for sympathy at all, i cant stand pity, i just want some help, i have no where else to turn.

Thank you

xxx

thank you so much, that really did help me, its kinda good to know there are people who are going through this shit and can come out the other side

im so sorry to hear about everything that is going wrong in your life....but i think you shouldnt be afraid to get counsiling...it could help you..try talking to your parents, a friend or just someone that you know will listen...i know from experience that if you try to hold in all your pain that it hurts even more..sometimes you cant be afraid to let things out.....i've been heartbroken so many times that i thought about suicide myself..but then one day it just hit me that there are people that actually care about me and i wouldnt want 2 hurt them by hurting myself...and i never talked about my problems..i just kept them 2 myself..but i just had all i could take and had 2 talk about it..so i talked 2 one of my friends. she really understood me and she helped me get through hard times...and most of my poems are about sadness and depression..when i write it helps clear my mind and stops me from making a mistake like cutting my wrist or taking pills.... i think you should try writing every time your upset...and i will always be here if you need to talk and i know that im a stranger to you but there's always room 4 a new friend right? so i hope you take my advice.

*Michelle*