Is it right to feel this way?

I've been wondering this for some time and I know its from a long time ago but I just really don't know what to do with myself right now.

I've been sexually assulted before, when I was maybe 12 or 13. *I think 13* And I'm going on 15 in three months. I told my grandma when I was assulted that night because I was scared, and he was arrested. But now I felt like he never meant it, he was just really high on drugs and I know you guys are going to say well he still had no reason to do that but, I knew he was truly sorry when he said that. I know this has been a long time ago but I still feel like he's still somewhat my brother, and my protecter. But because of me he's not there anymore and I feel like I lost a part of me.

Is it right to understand him and really listen to him when he told me that he was truly sorry? I mean you all are going to be like 'are you plain freakin nuts?' But when he said he was sorry, it was like God was trying to tell me that he truly didn't mean to do it and he was just messed up in the mind that night.

Is it right to feel this way?

*P.S- Not every person that's sexually assulted would actually listen to their assaulter. Is that somewhat true?

I cant spell very right so sorry if you really couldn't understand.

Everyone says that it was the right thing to do. But yet don't you think that not everyone whos assaulted will listen to the person who has done it to them? Was I brave to do that?

I was sexually assaulted but I started talking to the person who had damaged a part of my life once every few months. I've been giving him chanes and so far we've been talking a lot and he insists after what happened that he was a changed person trying to make things right. He's been trying to help me through what had happened years ago. He's my ex. We're talking right now. He says it's not what I say about what happened that hurts him. He says the fact that what I say is the truth is what hurts. I thought if he got in trouble I'd be able to feel better. But maybe him having to talkk to the girl he caused so much pain to is equal to what might have happened to.

i think what youre feeling now is that guilt, kind of like if you didnt tell anyone it would be alright. but you made the right choice when you told your grandma, and if he's in jail now...just think, if he was high or drunk or w/e again, he could have done that to someone else. so in a way, you saved other girls' lives from being sexually assaulted by him.

that's what I keep telling myself when I start to feel broken down b/c of him.

Oh sweetie.
I know what your talking about and i know what your going through.
I won't go into a long ramble but i'll just say, you did what was right at the time and in the long run it will be for the best.
If you truly forgive him, let him know and write to him if you can't face seeing him just yet.
It will help ease up on the feelings you're feeling now.
If you wanna talk, my email is on my profile.
But stay strong, you're a helluva lot braver then people may give you credit for.
Good luck
*Gem*

Gem,

I'm ready to face him but I dunno where he is and the judge says he can't be within yards of me or anyone under 18.