i wish i had of told you......

My grandma died last June. there's so much i wish i'd done. i wished i'd called her more often, i wish i'd been a better granddaughter. i wish i couldve told her that i loved her, one last time, but by the time we got down to texas she wasnt coherent anymore. i wish i wouldve told her that i had found the love of my life (who ive now lost, which has sent me into a deep pit of depression). i cant believe she's gone. it still doesnt seem real. after almost a year, i still havent even come close to accepting it.

i feel like if i just call her up, shell be there, shell answer the phone, she wont be dead. that's how i wish it could be, but i know its not. i loved her so much and i guess that subconciously im just not WILLING to accept that shes gone.

i loved my grandma so much....
she shaped who i am today....

~X~Cassie~X~

i wish i had told him,
nick,
my friend, there is so much i wish i had told you, i wish i had told you that those days we skipped school to go hang out ment the world to me, i wish i would have told you that all the times we sat in the hall together you working on french, me on spanish, were the funnest times, i wish i had told you that the night you drank yourself to death i had a bad feeling before you left, i wish most of all that i would have cared enough then to have told you that i love you and always will, no we never dated ,never did anything like that but you mean the world to me and i wish that i would have takin the time to tell you about my bad feeling, to have takin the time to stop you,

nessa

thanks for this

things are hard after the loss of a loved one and it doenst get easier very fast it take a long long time, but if you ever wanna talk drop me a line at raiders4me75@yahoo.com i am always here to listen!

nessa

I am fortunate enough to have been given warning lately. a couple of days ago my grandma was diagnosed with leukemia and she is trying to stay positive but the gud thing is, is that before she passes away we can say our good bye's and our i love you's and make sure she gets to see what she wants to see before going. i have had people die around me suddenly though and that is so upsetting but mostly the shock u recieve when it happens. like it can't be true and ur always expecting them to just walk through the door any minute. i feel deeply to all of you that have lost someone. all the best in your recovery process and remember they will always be with you as long as you let them.

that is a horrible thing to hear, i am so sorry for your loss, your right too, your life isn't simple, its incredibally complicated actually but you will find a way, many people go through rough times like this and they all have different ways of dealing, I'm sorry about your son, my advice would be to have him, don't put him in a home, you will regret it so much and with all the deaths surrounding you maybe you need something good, such as your beautiful son, when you look at him you can see life and it shows you that your not alone, be with him for his first steps, first words and first funny face (if he hasn't already done that) have a babysitter on call so you can still go out. live your life and live it while your alive!! and yeah i wish i had of said alot to my bf when he passed away too, Luke Mareks, he was my everything! we had been dating for 1 year and 11 months when he passed away. he crashed his motorbike, or more like a truck failed to give way to him and the truck hit him. and now everytime i think of the love of my life, i see a tangled mess with a broken bike. my last image of Luke was death. a messy death, one that i wouldnt even dream of having my enemies go through. and oddly enough i feel as if it was my fault too, he wanted to call in sick for work to spend a day with me through the week, but i told him to just go because i was doing nightshift so would have just been sleeping anyway, so he leftand up the road i heard the crash so i ran outside to see what had happened and i saw Lukes motorbike busted up on the road and as i approached it further, i saw Luke, well parts of him anyway. when the police got there they tried walking me home, but i wouldn't leave, how could you in such a situation, i was screaming, i was telling him everything i should have said to him that morning, i don't know why, possibly i thought he might still have been alive, i told him not to let go and how much i love him and that he could call in sick for the rest of the year if he came home. i told him that he was going to be a daddy, i was pregnant and hadn't told him yet, we were going to a hotel that weekend because we had started dating 2 yrs ago, i was going to tell him there, he would have been so excited. i guess some things shouldn't wait until the 'time is right' i told him that we were going to be a family, that i hope our child has his eyes, the entire street new every word i was saying, i couldn't keep stay quiet, i was crying and screaming. its a horrible thing to happen, its been a few yrs since that happened though and because of that i got really depressed, stopped eating, didnt go to work, didn't move from my bed, i had mine and his song on repeat and never turned it off (The Used - I Caught Fire) i couldn't sleep and mum was constantly trying to get me to a dr to make sure i was ok and my bubba. but one morning i woke up bleeding. the baby died. i wasn't feeding myself let alone the bubba, got no excersize, nothing. so now im the reason my bf and baby died. i could have had a family right now, we would have been engaged and our child, we would have called him brad because Luke was a massive fan of Brad Pitt. there is so much more i would have loved to say and/or do for/to him but you just don't think it will happen.

scrubs lol that is a great programme we used to watch that together too. i definately felt like that, thats whyu i stayed in bed, i was too scared to move, i broke my tv the first week, an advert for motorbikes came on and i just threw a speaker from my stereo at it and it smashed everywhere, and i just left it, mum cleaned it for me when i was in hospital for the miscarriage and my health, my mum and dad are what kept me strong, people kept coming over and mum and dad just turned them away because i couldn't handle seeing anyone for a while, i had flowers all through my room from friends and i ripped them all up. it was a reminder of my loss and i didnt want that. so yeah i definately felt like smashing everything, i was raped b4 i met Luke, and he pulled me out of the depression i got from that, so when he passed away and i blamed myself, i started self-harming again, i was incredibally destructive, no food or sleep and depression, not a good combination. ur not alone honey!!! i hope you get through this ok!

well i just wanted to say that there are many things i wish i would have told him but the one think that still haunts me is never telling him how i truly felt, i wish i would have told him i loved him
nessa

*somehow, I really wish I had just got one last conversation in with him...the last words I said to him were, "Yeah, I'll be at your party," and the last words he said to me were, "Great, uhh...see you there. Love you," and he hung up. How can I live with myself when I never even got to tell him that we love him?
~I wish I had told him that were still people in this world who loved him...and that suicide was not the answer...

**and this one. He left us all. It wasn't his fault, as I have to tell myself every day. He got into a car crash, and died of blood loss. God, my only problem with this death is this: we got into a fight. the last thing we actually had a decent conversation about was my boyfriend and whether or not I should go out with him. The last thing we really passionately talked about was whether our friendship was going to last...
~Yes, our friendship will last. Through life and death, it will last. I'm sorry I was so mad at you, and I'm sorry that I never came to the hospital. I'm sorry that your brother had to give me a note from you because you were too dead to give it to me yourself. *deep breath* I'm sorry that I said no to you...but please, know, wherever you are...I still love you. I still cry for you at night, I still sit under the bridge while the train is rolling through. I still think of you...and I'm sorry.

*~*in tears now...take care, all*~*

Awe! i feel so sarry for you. i haven't had a person die that i loved...but i had him kinda fall out of my life...but i finaly got to talk to him yesterday after 6 months....i wanted to tell him ow i used to feel about him....but i know that he won't feel the same, plus i have a bf now so i don't want to mess things up between me and my bf...

My friend died in mid-january this year, and i think about him all the time. He told me he loved me and he wanted us to be together, but even though i did like him, i said no, as i was going away for a while and i thought it would be too hard for us. when i came back he asked me again, and gave me a few weeks to think about it, and when i'd decided to say yes, the next day he was killed in a car accident. we don't live in the same town, so his best friend called me and told me what had happened. i feel like he was the one who understood me best, and none of my friends understand how i feel, they don't even know that i was going to say yes, and that i loved him. i just wish i hadn't left it too late. when he died it felt like a part of me died too. xXx

I wish I had told him....

that he was one of my best friends i ever had, and i wish i could have been there to stop him from committing suicide, he committed 2 days after i was grounded so there was no way he could have told me he was going to... and i just never got the chance to tell him how i felt. He had lost everything and i was his only thing left and i guess i just wasn't enough, it just hurts me inside to know i wasn't enough to help him, and i just wanted to tell him i loved him..

R.I.P Alucard