So close to ending it......

I feel so horrible anymore..... my dad beats me and every night he does I go to my room and hold a knife to my throat but something pulls me back....even if i feel like a guest in my own house and I feel alone like no one is there for me to talk to. I feel like a ghost and no one sees me not even my mom or my brother, like im shouting to a brick wall....I keep saying to myself that I should just end it and I come closer to it each time, I fear I can't hold on to life any longer and I don't think I want to....there is nothing in my future and only pain in my past that haunts me even now. I haven't told anyone but I'm sure they wouldn't believe me or even listen.....but i should be used to that. I'm sick of all this pain I go through in my dreams and when I am awake
I can't escape it no matter what I do unless I end my life, no one will notice or care if I'm gone just like they don't care now.

Call the cops on that Son of a...

i'm so sorry you're in this situation, but you really shouldn't give up. there's always hope. i know SOMEONE loves you, someone cares. i don't even know you, but i care about what happens to you. i know what it's like to feel helpless, and i've attempted suicide before, but i know now that it was a mistake. i know life isn't easy, and most times i don't understand how there can be so much evil and pain, but i also know that there's too much good and love too just quit. you should speak out, tell someone you trust about what you're going through. you don't deserve to lose your life because of your dad's mistakes. he's wrong, not you. he deserves punishment. i know that right now it seems like life is punishment for you, but trouble doesn't last always. please seek help and don't give up. you're life is too precious to be lost as a result of someone's fault. you're special, you're a treasure, and if your dad doesn't realize that, he's the one who deserves punishment. so tell someone, anyone who can help. don't be afraid to speak out. if you're contemplating suicide now, you might as well speak out because what have you go to lose? i hope you'll seek help and don't give up. life is a gift, don't throw it away. things will get better; just please don't give up.

if you ever wanna talk, you can e-mail me at mlkdipdcookie@aol.com. i'm always listening. good luck, take care, kid. hang in there.

Jay

Some people may not agree with me here, but run away. Run away and never come back. It will save you.