Falling/Not falling for your best friend

My best friend has feelings for me, and I think I'm beginning to return them. It's hard though because it seems that one day I have these feelings and the next I don't. I just want things to stay the way they are, but he wants to move forward, he wants to get into a serious committed relationship, and it's so hard because he can see that that's just not what I want. I hate hurting him, and I hate hurting myself, but I can't change anything because I think our friendship is more valuable than anything, and I don't want to risk it.

Anyone ever have a similar situation? What happened?

I didn't personally have one but I saw it happen. It wasn't pretty when they actually got together because they knew all of each others secrets. you may get feelings for him somedays because you're feeding off of his feelings. They probably aren't genuine if you don't feel them every day. my best friend has liked me for 7 years. I've thought I like him a couple of times but luckly he was in relationships at the time and we never hooked up. He's now married and him and his wife live with me. lol i would say just give it more time and see what happens.

Hah, that actually reminds me of my friend. He had become obsessed with me, and I was concerened I actually don't know what came over him. Anyway, I told him it wouldn't happen, that I only appreciated him as a close friend- but nothing more. He wasn't really 'hurt', but he was 'bummed'. He didn't talk to me for 3 days. Eventually, he called me up and said: "Ok. I can't go on another day without talking to you. Can we just pretend that never happened, please?" So I never spoke about it to him again. We actually went back to the way we used to be, emailing most of the time and now we rarely meet up for shopping trips (for his girlfriend. Hah!)

It is nearly impossible to have a best friend of the opposite sex (if you are straight, heh), and not fall for them. There are exceptions, such as if your best friend looks like a toad. Was that mean?

Wait a second...What was your question? I forget.

Yes. You should always date your best friend. It is good to have friends, but the one you love should be your best friend. Friendship comes before love. Anyway, you don't have to be with him if you are afraid of what could become of your friendship. Don't feel pressured into it, but know that, whoever you fall in love with, hope that they are your best friend. Otherwise, you are doomed, I say, doomed.

DONT risk it.... its so not worth it
i risked mne with my best friend...we were happy and all, but things went wrong as they almost alwys do in relationships...and we broke up a month back... and now all i want is my best friend back..... tell him its for the good, and not to be bummed, coz trust me u have no clue how small the feeling of this BUMMED will be if at all u guys end it badly if it doesnt work out....treasure what u have...friendship had more meaning than love...iv learnt that from my life....friendship is for life...boyfriends and girlfriends come and go...

im going to talk to my best friend today...hes leaving for 3 months and i really have to tell him that the relationship we had wasnt worth screwing up out friendhip. we've been fighting ever since we broke up...we decided we'd be freinds but its not that easy, is it? i have to admit i wasnt being too fair, i expected too much...so, ive left messages, his phones out of reach, hes out of town..and hes leaving tomorrow..so im just waiting and hoping ill get a call in return and we can sort things out...all i want is my best friend back....

im with my best friend and i LOVE him soooooo much he has always been there for me and he has helped me through so much and hopefully when he is 18 he'll come live with me in sydney

i love you joshy

Don't do it. Listen to me. I know from experience.

I dated my best friend. He liked me first and I think I only dated him because I hated hurting him. I regret it now.

Until you know that you really truly love him, don't do anything.

^ agreed. :]

ummm... i don't know if you should go out with him... i went out with my best friend and when he broke up with me, we still wanted to be best friends... now i have a different boyfriend, but me and my bestfriend/ex don't know if we still like eachother or not... he said he never got over me and...
ok, just don't do it

But shouldn't who you date be your best friend/your really good friend?? Friendship is the foundation for any good relationship. It is ultimately up to you whether or not you go out with him, however, if you can't say that you really like him all the time, I wouldn't recommend it...

.:Danielle:.

ok, she's got a point... my scripture teachers always says "you have to marry your best friend" so... i guess i just has to be the -right- best friend

That happened to me. He took me to the Valentines dance and out to dinner afterwards. Everything was diffrent after that...but for the good. We flirted alot and now we are going out and it is great!

here's the thing: it either works wonderfully or its a horrible tragic melodrama. you have to make a choice and its a risk. my experience, it didn't work out so much, but finally, after four years we're cool. that can be a very long time though.

I realize that he's your best friend and you don't want to risk loosing that. But at the same time you have to think about how good it could be with him. If you're truly not interested then I wouldn't do anything, but if the only reason you don't want to be more than friends is because you're afraid of loosing him I wouldn't rule out a relationship altogether.

I have a few friend who are dating their best friend and you can tell there is no one in the world they would rather be with. I'm going to assume that if you're best friends that you love spending time with him, he makes you laugh, comforts you when you're down... and isn't that exactly what everyone is looking for in a significant other?

Anyway it's up to you, and both ways can be great. Don't just go out with him because of what someone else has said or because you're afraid of hurting him, think about what it could be like and if you want to do it.

i met brandon in the 3rd grade and we were best friends. we were best friends all the way until the beginning of 10th grade. i liked him ever since i met him. i know i met him really young and you cant like someone that young but i really did. he knew i liked him for a while so we finally decided to move on our best freindness to a relatinship and it did not work out at all. we are no longer friends because of this. i was hurt dreafully. i loved him with all my heart. whne we were best friend, i felt we were truelly ment to be. but now were nothing. i dont think you should date him but it is your choice and honestly if you want to go for it then you should just wait a little while longer, just in case.

I'm currently dating one of my bestfriends. Sometimes its good to be with someone you know and trust.
The best thing to do is just talk to him, if you both get your feelings in the open, then you can decide on the best course of action, be it datnig, or staying friends, the worst thing to do though is just to leave it and see how it goes, thatll just make it worse, and escalate things, making it hard to make a rational choice. SO in a nutshell, talk to them and take it from there

Hes right sometimes dating your best friend can be a very good thing cant It? Because you know you can trust them, you know you can believe them, count on them, and perfectly, you know everything about them so there are no secretes to be hid. People say "The secretes are what make the relationship fun" but in the long wrong most of the time the secretes are bad.

My best friend in the whole world fell for me and in the end I ended up falling for her...and it's working out perfectly fine.

^ I thought you were against commitment? Did I miss something?

"It's hard though because it seems that one day I have these feelings and the next I don't."

I'm going through you're exact situation. I'm not sure what to do either. I don't think there is a right choice or a wrong choice. Would it sound too cliche to say "go with what your gut says" or something of that nature?

If you were refering that to me...yes i'm not for commitment...but im talking aboyut marriage commitment not anything less then that