I think im mad...can you tell me the truth? (long post but need

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years we live to gether do everything together we argue abit but its mostly my fault i think....well im not sure see a few months ago we split up because he was using he drug ICE he ussed to leave me at home alot get really moody and he pushed me and through things at me a few time i ended up leaving and stayed with my mother for a while he stopped all drugs everything he never goes anywere without me and is always by my side we got engaged oin jan this year but we seem to have huge fights over things i dont like i dont no weather im crazy but i hate them mags with them stupid models in it he got rid of them and only gets car ones now but they still have the girls in them i stress he looks at them and i dont feel good enough i feel really crap about myself i asked him if he looks a them but he says no and that im the only one he looks at, not only that but we works almost a hour away from our home with his mates at TOLL sum truck place im freakin out even now cause he is at work i worrie that cause he is with them he will forget about me and start doing drugs again i still have this huge hole in my heart for what he did in the past with drugs and im so sceard he will lie to me about drugs agin. i feel like im going mad im always think of the worst when he is at work i sit there thinking weather he is with another girl or if he is doing drugs or looking at them mags and stuff i feel sick and have anxity constantly because i think that much i stress myself out he says im his princess and he never looks at girls im the only thing he wants and needs but i still have bad thoughts in the back of my mind i dont get along with any girls at all that come near us because im so sceared that they will run off with him or the other way round i want to trust him but its so hard because of our past......am i mad or do i just love him to much???

soryy m post is real long but i need advice and i needed to get it all out!!!!!!!!!!

To be completely honest this relationshop doesn't sound like it's going to end very well, no offence. I mean you have to sit down and really ask yourself do you trust this man 100% after all the things he's done?? The answer should come pretty quick if you've been together this long. The reason your so worried about him looking at other women and doing other things isn't because your unhappy with yourself, it's because you don't trust him 100% and you feel he's going to go back on his word and hurt you again. My only advice (if you do not trust him) is to get out now before things get even worse. Don't try and force something that isn't meant to be, it just causes pain and agony in the long run.

Yes, it's hard letting go of what you're used to, and that seems to be the problem here. You deserve someone better than a guy who looks at magazines with...I assume half-naked women, does drugs, and what not. If you don't trust him, there's a reason. Once a liar, always a liar. Has he lied to you often in the past? If so, you can be sure he still does. Without trust, any relationship's downfall is inevitable. Trust cannot be forced, if you can't trust him, then find someone you can trust. There is nothing wrong with you, not like he hasn't given you a reason to question his actions and choices. Good luck.