Stupidity Awards

Okay, okay! here it is for real............

Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when

the 2006 Darwin Awards

are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

And this year's glorious

Winner is:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at

his intended victim during

a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber

James Elliot did

something that can only inspire wonder. He peered

down the barrel and tried

the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the Honorable Mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger

in a meat-cutting

machine and submitted a claim to his insurance

company. The company

expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have

a look for himself. He

tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The

chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a

space for his car during a

blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to

find a woman had taken the

space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a

Zimbabwean bus driver

found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to

be transporting from

Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit

his incompetence, the

driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered

everyone waiting there a free

ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental

hospital, telling the

staff that the patients were very excitable and

prone to bizarre fantasies.

The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An Texas teenager was in the hospital recovering

from serious head

woundsreceived from an oncoming train. When asked

how he received the

injuries, the lad told police that he was simply

trying to see how close he

could get his head to a moving train before he was

hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20

bill on the counter,

and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash

drawer, the man pulled

a gun and asked for all the cash in the register,

which the clerk promptly

provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and

fled, leaving the $20

bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got

from the drawer: $15.

If someone points a gun at you and gives you money,

is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty

badly. He decided that he'd

just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store

window, grab some booze, and

run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over

his head at the window.

The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be

thief on the head,

knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window

was made of Plexiglas. The

whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience

store, a man grabbed

her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately,

and the woman was able

to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.

Within minutes, the

police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the

car and drove back to

the store. The thief was then taken out of the car

and told to stand there

for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,

officer, that's her. That's

the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor Michigan News crime column reported

that a man walked into

a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m.,

flashed a gun, and demanded

cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he

couldn't open the cash

register without a food order. When the man ordered

onion rings, the clerk

said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,

frustrated, walked away.

******THE 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a

motor home parked on a

Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained

for. Police arrived at

the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to

a motor home near

spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man

admitted to trying to

steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the

motor home's sewage tank

by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to

press charges, saying that

it was the best laugh he'd had in a very long time.