Why do i feel so distant?

All my life I have felt so distant from my Mum and it is really starting to hurt me. I have never had a Mother and Daughter relationship with her.

I feel like a blame her for everything that has happened to me and so then I feel all this anger towards her but I cant show it so use and act to cover it up and just hope it goes away.

All the things she does recently like spending more nights over her new boyfriends house than at home and spending money which she gets for me on herself are really annoying me.

I have only told all this to one person which is my very close friend and she says to talk to her. I can't though. If i am in the same room as her i feel really uncomfortable which makes it impossible to talk to her.

Seeing my friends and all the other people in the world playing happy familys and girls able to talk to there mums makes me want to cry really hard but i hold it in and cry on the inside instead. It really hurts me.

This is my last resort because i have tried writing letters to her but i just rip them up because i dont have the guts to give them to her.

What can i do and why do i feel so distant from her? Please help me beacuse i am scared that the one time i may need my mum, she may not be there and i am scared that one day i may get so angry with her that i may just want her to die.

Please give some advice on what to do? I have no one else to turn to.

I don't speak to mother.
She tries to contact me every now and again but only when it suits her.
So i know how you feel. But there;s more to life than one relationship, which took me a while to find out.
However, i also know that somethings can't be said in a public forum at times.
My email is on my page if you want to talk
*Gem*

I know i should give her the letters but i am scared to. And i really want at least some sort of relationship with my mum because i know i will need her later on in life but i am just so angry and annoyed with her that i just cnt talk to her.

To *gem*

Thanks. I know there is more than one relationship in my life...I have wonderfyll friends and a caring boyfriend...But what can you do if your relationship with your mother starts interfeiring with other relationships?

I am a mother of three... My eldest is 14 and if she felt this way towards me I would like to think she could either talk to me about it, or write me a letter explaining so that I could try and make things better before it gets to a stage where it is almost impossible to rebuild the relationship... If you get to the stage where you are so angry you may both say things that are too harsh that You both regret and then You may find it really difficult to forgive...

Donna,
Yeaah i guess...But my mum doesnt know i feel this way at all, I have never told her a thing.

Sherry,

Im afraid that she will not talk to me again if i told her. There are things that she will not like to hear and if i tell her how i really feel she may just leave me...I dont want that to happen and i dont want to lose any more of my family.

Maybe just have a short convo with her to begin with... mentioning one or two of the small things that are bugging you... start to build up communication levels between the two of you and then hopefully talking about the bigger important things in the future will be easier for you both to deal with...

Donna,

Thankyou. All i can do is try and hope for the best.

Sherry,

Yeah, I guess so. I have to take some risks in life...But its going to take a while to build up the confidence and courage to tell her how i really feel.

Everything takes time and it may not be easy, but I wish you all the best for the future and hope you are able to build up the relationship with your mother so that you can both be open and honest with each other... In the end being honest is the only way to go, that doesn't mean you have to go about it in a harsh way though (not saying you will) but the only way things are going to get better is by communicating...

Good luck hun

Thanks Donna for your support. Really apreciated ;)

You're very welcome :o)

I would explain how you feel to her. It may be that she felt that way towards her mother.

The relationship between mother and I is something that I will cherish for the rest of my days. There is never a day when I don't think about her or talk to her, or blame her for any of my problems. Now, everyone acts differently towards their mother, some don't bother acknowledging them, some despise/curse them and some, funnily enough, even abuse them. But, having read that you feel as though you mount your problems on to her, and blame her for things that aren't going great in your life, it seems as though you may know what she’s feeling.

If I were you, I'd sit her down and speak to her. You can never feel 'distant' from your own mother (you came from her, remember?)
The reason you cry to yourself and feel this aggression growing is because you haven't tried to open up. Be fair now, your mother is a grown woman. She too, has her own interests- but she would NEVER put you second (and that's exactly what you're doing by avoiding speaking to her). Did it ever occur to you that because you’ve blamed her for so much in the past, she’s moving out of your way a little so you can adjust? But she probably has no idea that her daughter hates this and only craves to be with her mother more than ever…

You (all of you) may disagree, but your mother is your best friend. We were all born with a bond that was destined to hold for eternity. Nothing can destroy that bond. So, what have you got to lose? Nothing.

Good luck :)

P.S: Never fear your mother. Never wish for her demise or anything bad come of her. Be at her side at all times; we, people who you simply acknowledge over the internet are no one to 'turn to'. Your mother is there for a reason. :)