... I need to be heard...

As I put in the title, I really need to be heard by someone.. and wether anyone is gonna read this or not, i'm gonna post it.

All my life i'v been the ugly duckling, constantly being judged by everyone. and at school, i'm at a low social status. no one can understand what i'm feeling. my dad, he just keeps pushing me harder and harder to be something i'm not. he wants me to be perfect like him, and my mom hled the fact that i was depressed against me. for 3 years now i'v written poetry and hidden it away never to be read by anyone else. and just this week i decided to show my dad, so that maby he'd understand how I felt about all this. but all he did was give me a stupid look and ask me "why so depressing" "Theres nothinf wrong with you, its all in your head" "what, do you want me to send you to an insane asylum?" and comments like that. he just doesn't understand... no one does... my boyfriend hits me, thats why i left him. but he liked my poetry, he just didn't consider what it might have meant, and payed no attention to anything it said.
... and my sister, shes this pretty, popular person who everybody loves. and she found out that i cut myself. she didn't care though, she just told me how dumb it was...
I'v always had this heavy feeling in my heart that made me feel like giving up. and just colapsing to the floor, like i had nothing to live for, and i don't understand why god keeps taking my friends away... they always move... look, i could go on, but i fear that no one out there will even read this, so i'll just stop there...
... thanks to those of you who attempt to help me

Wow, thats horrible but you should stay strong and move on. Don't give up on life, god will send you up when your ready. But about the ugly duckling thing, every one is beautiful in thier own way! You may not see it or feel it but its there.
I think you should really say whats on your mind in a bad situation like your dad saying all that shyt. Let him know you just wanna be you and how you really are.
I have never cut, i've thought about it twice but i think it is horrible :( You shouldn't harm your body in any way. I hope im not being rude but i hope this helps at least a little. You should trying other ways to take out your frustration, anger and sadness, like hitting a pillow :) thats what i do! Don't give up on ya self though, keep ya head up and stay strong, don't let no one bring you down.

I'v left myself with a triangular shaped scar, to remind me never to cut again. so thats all over i hope
but my dad... i want to tell him how i feel, but hes not an understanding person, and he's really bulky and strong, i'm scared to death of him...

- and kate! thanks so much for your advice, i think i may go for a walk later on, and don't worry you did help a bit. i'v already triggered my problem, but i can't solve it, thats making it worse. and my problem? its just lonlieness now, just need a certain someone with the same issues as me who will listen and try to help me i guess that be the reason i made this topic in the first place. thank you both for your time, and help.

Your dad doesn't seen to understand you so you might try talking to someone else. I read one of your poems too, it was great. I know how you feel, so if you wanna chat.
lostlenore@hotmail.com
-Incognito

Blackbird, It's quite obvious your father will never understand, But it's probably because he doesn't want to, If you were grown up and had a little girl would you like to hear she was depressed and didn't want to live and she cut? Probably not, he just doesn't want to face the reality. I'm glad you left your boyfriend, really, I truly am proud of you for that. You're a strong girl, you see? If your dad pressures you, tell him not to, say you just need more time, that you dont need the pressure now. As for your sister, this might sound bad, since she's family, But most popular people are mean and don't care for others who aren't popular, now, this might not be the same since she's your sister, but maybe it's the same with your dad, maybe she just doesn't want to except it. I'm glad you hope to be stopping cutting, I'm suppose to be stopping cutting, but I'm failing miserably, It's winter so I can't go for walks x.x ...But anyways, back to you. Your mom doesn't sound the nicest either hun, If you REALLY want someone to understand you down there, find a guidance counselor, a really nice teacher, someone who will understand, 'd suggest guidance councellor, because they are trained for that. Hope you get better soon, And no matter how lonely you feel hun, There are people who care, I do. Send me a private message anytime hun, And I'll respond A.S.A.P...take good care of yourself xxxxxxxxxxx

-Mortalidaga
xxTakeCarexx

thanks, both of you. latley my moms been trying to understand. and my sister keeps pointing out that i should be more of the gothic type X.X oi... But thanks again for listening. if i need any more pick-me-ups i'll drop one of you a line.