He Has A Son

Hi all i am so lost. i am currently dating this guy, but one small problem. he has a kid from a previous relationship. its not the fact i dont want the kid, i love that little boy to bits. its more the fact the other day he called ME mum. his mother is a friend of the family, and i am so scared tyo what they would say if he does it around them. i am also worried the fct there is a SEVEN year age gap. i am 17 he is 24. is there anyone who can offer tips in this. i mean the kids dad is so sweet. for my BDAY he brought me everybook in my fav series, Keys To The Kingdom by Garth Nix. i really really like this guy, but i am scared his son may be a little issue

He is a child, if it makes you uncomfortable to have him refering to you as mom,a sk his father to correct him and come up with a nickname for yourself that the two of you can share.

The kid is definitely something (someone is more correct) to consider seriously. It would be unhealthy for women to fade in and out of the dad's life as he grows up. If you are serious about this guy, everything should be fine. Yes, you will be a mother figure to this little boy, you have to be ok with that. If you see yourself leaving the dad in a couple months, you should back off now and just be a good friend. Can you imagine how this little boy may feel if you leave his dad in a little while and maybe even on a bad note? He's thinking, "I have a new mom. This is great! She loves me, and I love her." If you leave after letting the attachment grow tighter and tighter, that will confuse and hurt the poor kid. So that's my two cents.

Talk to the boy's father.

The problem with that is the kid is 20 months old, its hard to correct him. i love being apart of this kids life, i just cant take him away from his mother, although his mother dont want him, i cant leave his dad, i am really serious about this guy. hmmm maybe talking to him wont be such a bad idea.......

For those who say i am not mature enough, please get over yourself. you dont know me or wtf i have been through. so just 4 those who say i m not mature please just keep it too yourselfs :(

I think you should talk to him and ask him to talk to the kid..i know you said hes only 20 months old but lots of kids are really smart by that age.. he knows the difference between you and his mom.and i like the nickname idea..

I think you are mature enough.
Judging by what you're sayin and how you want to fix it shows maturity straight away.
I wish you the best of luck in your relationship

As for your problem, i agree with whoever said talk to the father.
Maybe he could tell his son that you're *insert title here* instead of mum. Let him know you're like a step mum kind of figure.
It's best to explain it now rather than later.
You seem to be in love...
Good =)
*Gem*

Angelina Taylor - u really obviosly aint been in this situation or ad someone around you who have so really y comment.. because she is being mature by knowing how she feels..

k k hun right my mate was dating this lad who was 6 years older than her and he had a little boy... and she felt exactly the same as you as the little boy started to call her mummy.. she felt so awkward and she and the lad talked about it and they came up with a nick name... "yar yar" because her name was sarah and the little boy some how liked that name...

sweety wheather you had plenty of other relationships before this oen who had kids in it you still wood feel the same... thing is its scary as it something new and if you like this lad this much then clearly stck with it and talk to him...

if he aint got problem with the age gap why worry because it is normally the lads who do... so hun go talk to him and if you tell him then he will correct the little boy.. if you dont spk to hiim then how will he know...

good luck it will all be k hun

I agree, I think it should be communicated 'somehow' to this little boy that you aren't "mummy", he only young so its no ones fault if he refers you to as this. If his mum isnt really interested, then I dont really see a problem, but it would be a good item for your partner and everyone else to call you by your name infront of him, to try to teach him to call you by your name, or as others have suggested - a nickname.

xx

Karla,

I'm reposting again from what you first said.

I don't think your not mature. I think your very mature for taking a stand point and loving someone with a kid and love being with the kid. Some people say I'm not mature and I'm 14 but I know that I am mature I just show it in different ways that not everyone sees it.

And even though the boy is 20 months old, almost 2 years old in about 4 months. Sorry if I cacluated it wrong. You should still talk to your boyfriend about the child's little situation with calling you "mommy". You guys should pick a nickname that he really likes and let him call you that.

Hope this also helps.

-Summer

The kid means the world to me, and has already made it clear he likes me. as for the dad, he also made it clear that thwe kid comes first, which is the way i like it. i have spoken to the dad, and the dad seemed quite understanding so now every chance he gets he says karla and tries to mention mum less often. now the kid calls me "kawa" its really cute. thanks for the help

xx

It all boils down to your comfort level i've got a son too but the people i talk to are like..well i couldn't date you becaus you have a son..i look at em like..that's weak but from being a dad already i can tell you now i would choose my son over a girlfriend anyday they say i should give him up for adoption..and then i freak at them...so ask yourself this...how much do you like those 2?

I know a girl that when she was 15, she was dating a 23 year old who had a kid. To make a long story short, the relationship ended badly. It ruined her, completely. Nothing good came out of it. Be careful, utterly careful. Not only is it your heart you're messing with, but your youth and your reputation. You're young, enjoy it while you can. Don't get caught up in motherhood and adulthood before you really have to. Unless you REALLY feel that this relationship has the potential to last a long long time, you might want to reconsider it.

Sorry no comment.

SplitSided too true you should go mental at ppl who say they cant date u because of ur kid or u should give little one up thts totally crap.. god i bet ur doing great job.. some ppl just cant face up to responsibility.... grrrr but ull find someone who wont b like tht..

sweetheart tht reall great little one has got name for ya i told u he would.... and the dad will defo put little one before any gf and its great tht ur so clear headed in sense of tht the little ones come first etc and thing is they both are important to u aye becaus your still there with them..
take care love and best wishes

xhx

Hey, Don't worry about it. Hes a kid he will grow up to love or hate you but no matter what hes not your child so don't worry about it. Hes a child he doesn't know whats what yet... Im 12 and still don't know whats what.

SplitSided no way on earth will i make him give up his son, i am helping him in his custody battle.
I really care fo the kid and its really hard because... well i am not the kids mother.

who ever said i am not the kids mother and to forget about it, well sorry to say, but i think thats wrong, although i may not be biologicallyu, i am still an important part in this kids life.

Sweety you aint really realised but youve answered all them things you wanted us to answer..
and you got guts to help and support him tho it so sweety your fine and well done.. : )

take cre of yourself and them hun