Feeling So Alone and Messed up..

Hi.. feeling so low right now :-( , my grandma died on monday n i think im havin truble coping with it, its like my brain won't accept it and i cant believe shes gone - we were really close, like good friends. I jus keep picturin the last tme i saw her over and over. iv neva lost ne1 close to me so i dunno relli how to deal wv it.

i thort i was gettin better at last but these last 2 weeks iv bin going down hill, lower than eva b4, and then with my grandma n everythin - i dont sleep or eat - i cant keep anything down nemore. I also havin to deal wiv bein sexually assaulted 3 yrs ago, its jus messing my head up an the guy still tries to call me, n last nite i think stress n everythin jus got too much cos i collapsed n was unconscious n had to be taken in an ambulance to A+E.

The docs keep messing up my drugs n they had given me too much of one thing wich made me shake continuously for 3 days n last nite after id had all the checks the only thing the doctor said to me was 'your not a baby anymore, u shud look afta urself better and get sum sleep' - this is afta explainin tht i hav a sleepin problem even wiv pills!!!
He jus made me feel like a complete fool - people seem to think that if sum1 is depressed that they wanna stay that way and dont wanna get better!! He jus made me feel so shit wen im trying my hardest to sleep n eat etc.

Neway im gonna shut up now cos iv jus waffled on and on about myself n i sound like a complete prick - i think i jus needed to get it all out or sumfin

toni xxx

hey, i'm sorry about your grandma. i know the feeling; and i also know that time will heal the wound, but that deosn't mean you'll forget her, b/c she'll always be there in your heart.

you sound like you have a lot of things stressing you out. i know how it feels to not have an appetite, so i got fussed at for not eating. and i have really bad insomnia, too. (which is obvious from the time of this this post.) just continue to talk it out. doctors and parents can be our worst enemies sometimes, but they don't determine who we are, and therefore, they shouldn't determine our self-image. things won't always be bleak. time and love heals all wounds. so keep reaching out for love and comfort, and remember that you are special and worthwhile, otherwise no one would even bother with you at all. and there are always ears and shoulders available here, so just pour your heart out whenever you need to. ;-)

jay

Wow! That is so upsetting! That is a hell of a lot for people to deal with and i feel really sorri for you. I don't know exactly how you feel, ive had people die but i wasn't very close to them, but one thing that helps me through is that, one day i might just see them again( sorri if this sounds religious coz im not tryin to be, and if i am, im sorri :()

I hope you get better, and being sexually abused has got to be harsh and really tormenting

Im thinking of you

-Heaps of luv!

KT

Hi, thanku so much for postin bak, it relli dus mean a lot to kno ppl r out there. Yea I do relli hope tht i get to see my grandma again, even tho im not relli religious or anythin, i neva got to say goodbye so it kinda feels unfinished.

I jus dont relli know how much more i can deal with, her funeral is a few days b4 my bday n my parents r completely stressed - dont blame them reli. Iv felt so suicidal this week, n havin to try n stay in control wich is hard, i guess iv gotta jus try n stay strong, i wanna b there for mum.

thnku agen for bein so kind to me

xxx Toni