On Eating and Related Difficulties

This post is not designed to trigger. First I must say that on no account do I wish to see numbers or figures, measurements, times or mention of any triggering foods. This post is not to encourage, nor is it share tips. I am not ‘Pro’- anything other than Pro-Recovery.

Please feel free to post you opinions, but I ask that you show the self control not to mention anything that other people will find triggering. Thank you.

I know from other posts and many poems on this site that a lot of people suffer from disordered eating or categorised eating disorders. I thought perhaps it would be an idea, as with the cutting thread, that we could have one place to share your recovery, or experience of a friend/relation who is struggling, or your own difficulties and hopefully to find support from people who understand.

This thread isn’t designed to attract criticism from those with no experience (direct or indirect) but perhaps to grant a little understanding to the uninformed, or to discover opinions and points of view that we would not have considered.

So, my questions to you are how do you approach recovery either as a sufferer or as a friend? Are you ready to recover, and is that the same as willing? The floor is open to you to share what you wish…

I think you have to admit that you have an eatting problem. and then choose if you are ready to deal with it and willing and ready to recover. it all depends on how bad you want to get better. you have to be willing to put a lot of effort into it not to mention what comes with recover stress, TONS of emotion. you have to prepare yourself. if you are not wanting and willing to get better then you never will. good topic

I was hardcore bulimic and anorexic for like 4 years. i wouldnt eat and i would throw up anyway...but when i was 14 i dated a boy who kinda got me to stop. but of course its an addiction so it was hard.

so anyways, 2 years go by and here i am today, 104 pounds and helthy (thats my rite weight). how did i do it?

i guess i just realized i had a problem. i woke up one morning realzed i was killing my intestine and throat and started to stop. i sat in front of my mirror and just looked at myself for a few hours....

i guess what helped me is that i eat when i'm hungry. if my body needs food i eat it and then i exercise every otehr day so i keep in shape.

i guess you never really get over your issue but it helps to admit that you have a problem, you have to be willing to change, you have to be willing to get better. without that you have no chance of recovering.

you have to learn whats important in life.

Shes a killer congrats for getting better!

Thanks, its really hard to get better but you have to want to get better.

I was proper bulimic for around the last 2 and a half years.
Im saying "proper bulimic" becuase i fitted perfectly into the catagorie for bulimia.
Now... its changing i guess. For the last few months i havnt been etaing as much as i should be and i still purge. I havnt binged in ages.
Binging use to be a major problem for me. Now its something that doesnt affect me.
Purging is something that ill admit i have a big problem with. I also think the fact i dont eat ntil 4 o clock, and i dont it as much as i should... thats a problem i have now.
Im tryign to get better... I am trying. I managed to not purge and eat proerly for 4 days. I guess... i just cant do it any longer then that..
I feel as though im addicted to purging. Its an addiction for me. Inside i know it'll kill me unless i acctually stop. But addictions are hard to break. Not impossible i know.. but unlike alocohol or whatever, one you stop drinking you neverhave to even drink one bit again. Food... you just have to live with it...
Purging is also my method of coping when stressed or soemthing. I SI, as wel as this. But im in control of SI. I havnt done this for quite a while im happy to say. But ourging... honestly i really respect those who have recovered. It just seems so hard... I wish i could just stop... but with school exams pressure and everything. I dont know.
Sorry for the long reply. I htink this is a great idea for a thread.
xx

To Sarah - thank you for replying and for your insight.

To Shes a Killer - well done on your recovery and thank you for sharing your experience, I hope that it can provide some hope and inspiration to others.

To Perfectly Imperfect - Thank you also for sharing your experience, and I want to say that I admire you in not having to binge in the last few months. However I understand that this is only part of the problem and the compulsion will still be strong to purge. Please know that it's not inevitably the conclusion and that I believe you can overcome this. You're right, addictions are hard to break, but not impossible. It may take some time, and sure there may be lapses but that doesn't mean you're back to square one. Learn from these mistakes and try to move on. There are a lot of alternatives that you can use when dealing with stress, that is a major issue that needs to be overcome. It seems that you recognise that you are just using these behaviours and that is a valuable forst step to recovering, but you need somewhere to go from here. Maybe you could try alternatives like going out until the urge has past, something creative to release the energy builing up. I clean things, like my room. The bathroom and kitchen aren't such good places to be, but if you can look past the implications of being there and concentrating on a task you set for yourself, eg. cleaning up in a set amount of time, it can really take your mind off it and release some of the anxiety.
No need to appologise for the long reply, I did as well. Hope some of that helped a little.

Stay Strong everyone.

I find it soo hard
when my friends are talking to me and telling me they thing they are fat
i find it soo triggering

i have so many friends that are ana or mia
even my sister is
so i find it hard to get away from it all and act normal
i always have some friend in the background talking about there ED
and when i lose connttrol and eat(which is all the time) i feel so bad

xxx sorry just need to get it out

Thank you VioletRaven.

I know it is possible to stop purging... I know people have done it. I love reading story's about people who have overcame eating disorders. its quite inspiring to read.
But i can honestly noe see myself in tehre positions. I cant see myself coming out of the other end... I mean i question if it even is possible. Becuase it just seems so hard. Ive tried to stop. The most ive gone is four days without purging. I did this last year. After that ive treied it a couple of more times. Ive stopped purging for 2 days. Maybe 3 days. But i always do it again. And stress - my science modules are soon. Im so scared. All my teahcers have decided to give coursework in year 10 so you can concentrate on GCSE revision. So basically everythings just stressing me out so bad. And seriously, i ahve tried every distraction possible. But.. i dont know... Its hard like i said.. But yeah i guess il continue to try and stop. Ive not fully given up - I want to recover. I want to be able to go to bed at night without thinking of how many calares i ate. I want to eat a bar of chocolate without thinking, how fat im gonna get. I quite honestly want to recover... But how do i do it?

To ~me~ I understand how it can be to have people surrounding you who are unaware of how triggering they can be. In most cases they are not doing it deliberatley and sometimes it can be helpful to remind yourself of that. They aren't out to get you, the comment you picked up wasn't neccissarily in relation to you. A lot of times people say offhand what can be very triggering. If these people are aware of eating disorders however (though it might make it harder for them to make normal conversation and not concentrate on eating etc) could it be possible to ask them not to mention trigger words/phrases or topics. I have tried this, and to an extent it works, but it up to you to decide how much you tell them and so how much they can understand and act accordingly.

And Perfectly Imperfect, you are very welcome. I read your post and to me, though it is not a story of full recovery it is just as inspiring because the attempt is there, and that is worth commending.

Stress, that's something that is always going to be present, but it's the way you react to it that makes it seem unbearable. The coursework has to be done, (I could apply that to me too) but what you have to try and remember is that purging doesn't. it seems more importnat at times, but we have our priorities mixed up. Just gotta figure out how to get them straight again.

I am very inspired by your desire to recover, because a lot of people get stuck, and don't want to. This is a real positive so hang onto that feeling and use it to your advantage.

How to recover? That's a deep question, one I am trying to find out the answer to. I always thought I could do it on my own, and I've found out that that's not the way to do it. You need support, and to recover fully you have to learn trust, in others and most importantly yourself. This is a lesson I am learning.

Wishing you luck, try to stay strong.

My ex best friend recently was diagnosed with anorexia nd obsessive compulsive exercising...she was in hospital for 8 weeks nd when she got out she just got worse...she was so thin that i was scared she would break...although we no longer spoke that often i was still so upset as she was the strongest person i knew and the only one that wasnt concerend about her weight...shes very slowly recovering but she is still at an unhealthy weight...

over the past few months i think ive being developing a mild case of bulimia...i tell myself nd others that i dnt make myself sick...cause i dnt physically but i think mentally im making myself sick...but the strange thing is im not all that concerend with my weight.. but after big meals, or lots of junk food i always end up being sick

but i think in these situations every1 just needs a friend, and some1 2 support them and complement them and be there for them no matter wat

luv fallen xoxo

All these stories are so sad and its horrid to know that people are going through such awful things alll the time... and ~me~, I am SO sorry......

I've never been what people have described as 'hardcore' or 'proper' mia or ana, because I've always had the sense(?) to know when it's time to just stop and come back to reality (even if i do just end up going back to it). But I have been there ..

I think I have got better recently, but how am I supposed to know when I am ok and when it is just going to come back and hit me so hard when im not expecting it!! I have lost all sense of what is normal now, I'm just having such trouble understanding if I am eating too much or the right amount or not enough or what?????? Is there anybody who has been through eating problems and recovered? how do you know when you are ok again???

- Polly xxxx

I guess the reason i want to recover is becuase i am sick to death about counting every single calarie that goes through my mouth. I am just sick of it all.. Wakingg up at 3 o clock becuase i still cant get back to sleep.. and iwhen i cant sleep i think baout calaries and how much i burnt off. Its just crazy. I honestly hate it. Ive never been pro ana, (though i have came across the websites... i found it triggering... really triggering...), and well ill be honest with you im againts these sites. Anyways ive never acctually looked for tips or anything, i didnt even know about the pro ana thing until recently. Well the thing is, im just tired of every single part of my life being... consumed by this eating disorder. I really loath it.
Sure i have had loads of times when i cant go on, and well ive thought about ending it all, or just letting my eating disorder take over aand eventully kill me. Its hell... and i hate it. I want to be able to not freak out baout food. How to recover... it seems impossible... yet i know it is possible. I guess inside i know i need proper help... not try and do it on my own. But im not the kinda person who admits they need help. I odnt know.. its just so confusing.
If you odnt mind can i ask you which eating disorder do you have?

Polly: dont worry at all, its just having all you skinny frineds around me lol you just all to pretty and thin and beautiful especially people like
you
bry
pheobe
maudie
hayley
^^^^for polly

i am not ready for recovery, at the moment im only ready to lose weight
i cant see the weight going i can only see the fat that is still there

mabey i will bw one day

I guess it might be difficult to tell from my poetry, and I am not one for naming these things. However as I am the original poster of the topic, and cause everyone else has shared their personal stories I may as well add a little of my own.

I have been anorexic, but perhaps not fully to the extent of anorexia nervosa, to me that means hospitalisation. If I'd kept going maybe, but as happened before I spiralled out of one and into the other. Though I have spent much longer in bulimic phases I still retain some of my old mindset. In trying to recover from one I fall into the other, to eat is to defy one side of me, but give into the other which takes control and leads into chaos. Then getting out of that I deny myself everything, restricting until starving becomes part of my life again.

Right now I am just balancing on recovery. I have had so much support from my best friends and I think this time having people close to me know about my efforts has made a huge difference. But life is changing again and with all stress comes coping, and my mechanisms are twisted.

That's a little more than I meant to write, but I have essays due, and the more time I spend in front of a computer instead of obsessing the better. It is somewhat strange to share this, which I have always hidden but in some ways liberating. Thank you very much for asking, and I hope that everyone is doing alright.

I believe anyone can get out of the situations they have got themselves into, Stay Strong, I have faith in you.

ArtemisiaCorbeau

Im glad your recovering...
Loads of people go from one to the other. Some may of had all of the eating disorder in the past.
Its brillaint you have so much support form friends, an eating disorder is alread ya lonely and miserable experiande. Just npowing you have firneds who care can help. (I know form experince).
Thank you for sharing your story though. I really hope you do fully recover! :)
xx

Tia I'm inspired that you can retain your self assurance. It's encouraging to know that it is possible to be around that kind of influence and still remain strong to achieve your goals.

And thank you very much Perfectly Imperfect, support from friends is great, but even hearing from someone you've never met can be very inspiring. I thank you and I extend the same encouragement to any who read.