Some Hearts

---------------CLOSED---------------CLOSED---------------

I think all of you know how I judge my contests, but for those of you who may not - I copy and paste them into a word document without names so I am not biased, I bold the ones I really like, italicize the ones I kind of like and leave plain the ones that don't really strike me. I take .5 off for every mistake I notice from the category it belongs to, I then go back and reread them and do my evaluation and then place them after. Then I find the names of the people who write them and add the names.

The Night Before "Life Goes On" ; By: Joe --> First of all, I need to say that I really loved the way your emotions were expressed through this poem, I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this piece. Another thing that really hooked me in was the last stanza..the part where you added that the guy just wanted to get into your pants seemed almost like a humorous effect to an otherwise very serious poem. Lol, I don't know maybe it's just me, but that's what I got out of it. One thing though, when you started the quotes from the Mother, you had the first part in quotations, you should have added a comma after it and then the next line should be in quotes as well because, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it the Mother still speaking? Anyways, great job Hun! =]

SPELLING - 3/3
GRAMMAR - 4/5
CONTENT - 5/5
FLOW - 4/5
OVER 8/UNDER 20 LINES - 2/2
TOTAL - 18/20

Inside Your Heaven ; By: Carrie --> I loved the content of this poem, it really hooked me into it. The word choice you used, however, was a bit iffy. "Bended" should be "bent" and I don't think "euphorically" is a word? Other than that, this poem was really good...not what I expected to come out of a title like this, I did expect along these line but the way you explained everything just brought it together better than I imagined it would be. The ending stanza was awesome, it was a great way of wrapping up the poem, it really stuck out to me. Great job! =]

SPELLING - 2/3
GRAMMAR - 4.5/5
CONTENT - 4.5/5
FLOW - 5/5
OVER 8/UNDER 20 LINES - 2/2
TOTAL - 18/20

Jesus Take the Wheel {Lyrics} ; By: Sheena --> Not at all what I had expected from this title, I expected something a little more like the actual song but I am glad that you were able to give a twist to the title I never would have expected, which you seem to be able to do a lot, haha. Anyways, I really loved this poem, the flow was a little off at some parts but nothing too serious; as always - great job Dear! =]

SPELLING - 2.5/3
GRAMMAR - 5/5
CONTENT - 5/5
FLOW - 4/5
OVER 8/UNDER 20 LINES - 1/2
TOTAL - /20

Starts With Goodbye [Nove Otto] ; By: Britt --> The first two line, aside from the one spelling mistake, really hooked me in. They alone held so much power. And then the last four stanzas really brought me in as well and you wrapped it up perfectly. I expected to have a longer poem that drug on but when I read this, it held as much power as a longer poem could have been able to do and I think you do quite well with that, haha. Great job Darling! =]

SPELLING - 2.5/3
GRAMMAR - 4/5
CONTENT - 5/5
FLOW - 5/5
OVER 8/UNDER 20 LINES - 2/2
TOTAL - 18.5/20

Before He Cheats ; By: DrowningDreams --> The first thing I noticed as I read through this was that you had very little grammar. There should always be an apostrophe in the contraction "I'm" and the "I" in it should be capitalized as well; or, make it "I am" . There were no proper contractions in your poem and that really brought my focus off the actual poem and more onto your mistakes as it will with most picky readers such as me. From now on, try to use the proper grammar rules and your poems will be stronger. Other than that, the content was pretty good and pretty easy to relate to which is what I look for. Good job. =]

SPELLING - 0/3
GRAMMAR - 3.5/5
CONTENT - 5/5
FLOW - 4.5/5
OVER 8/UNDER 20 LINES - 2/2
TOTAL - 15/20

Some Hearts ; By: Charisma --> Your wording and the way you were able to write this poem really captivated me, I loved the third stanza especially. You have a way of using big words that usually do not fit but you make them fit and you hide them in with the rest of your poem and I really love how you can do that. Great job! =]

SPELLING - 3/3
GRAMMAR - 4.5/5
CONTENT - 5/5
FLOW - 5/5
OVER 8/UNDER 20 LINES - 1/2
TOTAL - 18.5/20

We're young and beautiful ; By: Espoir*failed --> First off - wow! I really loved this, it hooked me in at the beginning and kept me in until the end. Of all the contests of mine I can remember you entering of, this has got to be the best poem you have entered. Your word choice was remarkable and you were able to stick to the original story without switching sides and changing view points. But, one thing..I don't think lethality is a word? However, I didn't notice it until I reread through it and seen it, you stuck it in the right place and it just seemed to fit. Great job! =]

SPELLING - 2.5/3
GRAMMAR - 5/5
CONTENT - 5/5
FLOW - 4/5
OVER 8/UNDER 20 LINES - 1/2
TOTAL - 17.5/20

Don't Forget To Remember Me ; By: Ciao --> This is one that I'm sure will touch many military girlfriends hearts. It holds very strong emotions and it is told with such maturity that it is easier to relate to. I usually don't like the repetition of words, but in this case it was a good thing to have because it made the whole image stick out in my head more. This brought a tear to my eye, very good job Darling! =]

SPELLING - 3/3
GRAMMAR - 5/5
CONTENT - 5/5
FLOW - 4.5/5
OVER 8/UNDER 20 LINES - 2/2
TOTAL - 19.5/20

I Just Can't Live A Lie ; By --> Sheena --> There were a few spelling mistakes that stuck out to me but other than that the content in this poem was incredible. You explained the story well and used word choice that really sticks out and pulls the reader into what you are saying. The ending stanza also wrapped it up perfectly, good job Dear! =]

SPELLING - 1.5/3
GRAMMAR - 5/5
CONTENT - 5/5
FLOW - 3.5/5
OVER 8/UNDER 20 LINES - 2/2
TOTAL - 17/20

Prizes are down at the bottom, check that and leave the titles.

"Inside Your Heaven" please

Whenever you remember please?
nessa

Some Hearts plz...

cuz that's my friend's ringtone for me! lol

Charisma*

Don't forget to remember me, please

I'll TRY "Jesus, Take the Wheel". We'll just see how that goes, though. =./

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex

I'd like, "The Night Before (Life Goes On)"

Thanks, Joe

Lol, which part of it Joe? That one splits into two.

Or, heck, I could change that rule, haha.

:)

The Night Before "Life Goes On"
By: Italian Stallion

The very night before,
He showed me the door.
I was in endless tears,
Sitting upon the stairs.

My free and flowing heart
Knew from the very start,
That this was a mistake
In which it could not partake.

He left me all alone,
Outside in the cold and prone.
He threw my love for him away,
So I hope he rots and decays.

"Life goes on" my mother has told me,
Don't listen to his hopeless plea
For he doesn't want to commit,
Nor does he truly mean it.

He just wants to get in your pants,
And play with your blossoming plant.
He's a player, and you deserve better.
So give him back his blue sweater.

*Written for a contest*

© Copyright 2007 By: Italian Stallion

Thanks Jenna...and if it's a problem I can write another new one in place of it...not that I would want to, but I will if needed.

Lol, no it's fine, I'll take it as is, I already changed that rule.

=]

Inside Your Heaven

I have found your secret hideaway,
And I hope to never leave,
This place I've searched for all my life,
Has taught me to believe.

Here your warmth, it fills the air,
And wraps around me tight,
Giving me all I never knew,
Making the world just right.

The sweetest lips I've ever known,
Swept me here tonight,
Subtle words on bended knee,
Were met with great delight.

Euphorically drifting to the stars,
The world is left behind,
Nothing can touch us here and now,
To all else we are blind.

Inside your heaven, on the edge,
I have found a state of grace,
No one could pluck me from this cloud,
Locked in your embrace.

Lmao. I thought I posted this yesterday. >.< Sorry.
`````````````````````
Jesus Take the Wheel {Lyrics}

{Verse 1}

A melody's crying, the music's dying,
Can you hear their sad, sad song?
They've lost all prayers, yet off they stare,
Into the heavens where hope belongs.

Remember the stars and consider how far
They are from their closest friend.
Breathe in deep and let the clouds weep,
The distance is too much to comprehend.

{Hook}

And there's something about those crying melodies,
That makes me want to sing this song . . .

{Chorus}

There's hope left in this place -- I can tell when I look at your face.
I feel much safer now that you're here.
And although we cry, it gives me hope that we can try.
And move on from old memories that bring tears.

In us all, there's a song if only you'll sing along --
Now I feel like we're free.
Flying high like an angel, I can be strong,
And I will believe.

{Verse Two}
Dim the lights; with you I'll be all right;
For you'll come to save me.
The longer this song, the more I become strong,
For it helps to set me free.

If we can touch, is it too much?
It's so complex how we can feel.
Hold on tight, make him your crutch;
Just let Jesus take the wheel.

{Hook}

And there's something about those crying melodies,
That makes me want to sing this song . . .

{Chorus}

There's hope left in this place -- I can tell when I look at your face.
I feel much safer now that you're here.
And although we cry, it gives me hope that we can try.
And move on from old memories that bring tears.

In us all, there's a song if only you'll sing along --
Now I feel like we're free.
Flying high like an angel, I can be strong,
And I will believe.

{Verse 3}

Why fight against God, when we can't count the odds;
There's so many questions to this place.
All we have left is a prayer, so let's combine our hearts and share;
There is no timing to this race.

If we can touch, is it too much?
It's so complex how we can feel.
Hold on tight, make him your crutch;
Just let Jesus take the wheel.

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex

Could i have, we're young and beautiful please,
does this still have to be less than 20line?

espoir xx

Before He Cheats
pleaseee for moi!!
Thankyou =]] xxx

Before He cheats,
And says goodbye,
He kisses my head,
I try not to cry!
After he goes,
The tears go down in flows,
I think im not good enough
But i no, im tough!
So i pack my things,
One final time,
And head to the door,
As my tears start to pour
Hes the boy that i always will love,
He was meant to be mine.
But now,
Im gone!
Hell never beable to say goodbye
Before he cheats.

Some Hearts

Some hearts feel meant to be broken
Like they never were really whole.
As if each piece laying scattered about
Is somehow right for their soul.

When love takes away what it's given
Providing no more comfort in reach
It's then the host of unbearable pain
No longer feels need to beseech

For they are used to the mistreatment
The hopes lost within fallen dreams,
So when the star drops and shatters
They've a needle, to sew up the seams.

Just awaiting some newfound love
To come steal their stitched heart away
Expecting it to end in betrayal
But acting like love shall never stray.

Shedding tears is nothing quite new
The flushed cheeks know them too well.
Heaven hasn't cried as much as them
Shakespeare, not as many stories to tell.

If sorrow could take human form
This poor soul it would imitate.
Some hearts feel meant to be broken
In fact, the breaking's what they await.

By: Charisma*

Never Mind can't do it, im having severe writers block right now Im sorry =/

We're young and beautiful

In the lounge the carpet's threadbare,
But she'll never change it
Because there's a mark that he left there...

He stumbled his dry gin walk,
He mumbled his nicotine talk.
And she's long since forgotten the cause,
Of the argument that made him pause.
And spill his dirty liquor on that 1970's carpet.

The photo sits crumpled and faded,
The grey and white dirty shaded,
She smiles as she remembers that wedding dress,
And the vows she managed with such finesse.
How they were young,
And oh, so beautiful...

But with the harsh shrill of the phone comes reality,
All the moments now memories and their lethality,
Once they were young and beautiful,
But that passing event is done and dusted,
Like the souvenirs she polishes on display,
She remembers the very day,
She'll never grow adjusted.

Once they were young and beautiful,
but it's hard to remember now...
once they were young and beautiful
but they've both changed somehow.

--------------------------

i know this is more than 20 lines, but tell me if it needs changing xxx

Don't Forget To Remember Me

Don't Forget To Remember Me,
When your time has come;
When you leave me, broken,
Never to see what I would become.

Don't Forget To Remember Me,
As you're shipped off over seas,
With me standing on the shore,
My hair blowing in the breeze.

Don't Forget To Remember Me,
When you're fighting that deadly war.
Remember there's someone here,
Someone you adore.

Don't Forget To Remember Me,
No matter what comes your way.
I won't forget to remember you,
Each and every day.

It won't be as hard for you;
As for me, it will be.
All I ask is for one more favor:
Don't Forget To Remember Me

If I'm allowed to do two, I'd like "I Just Can't Live A Lie," Please.
Thanks, Jenna. =]

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex

If this isn't ok, I'll just edit it out, but otherwise, here it is: [not my best, but I kind of liked it...]
````````````````````````````````````````
I Just Can't Live A Lie

Although lies are fun to handle, there's too much to this crushing candle;
The embers sink deep into my skin.
Your face surronds me like the sky surrounds the stars on a faceless night;
The cold air's slipping around me like Nitrogen.

And you're not Superman, you're actually human; there's no need to stick around,
I have found my place in his arms, not yours.
The face on the clock is getting brighter; it's screaming at me as the hands are wound;
Let's throw the clock out in the hall and close all the doors.

The time is moving too fast; emotions are spilling like a candy covered dish;
Give me one that says, "You'll Always Be Mine".
Slow dancing is for two; I need you by my side again, but I'm too scared to trust the night.
You walked taughtly across a burdened line.

But maybe if you swallow down some poison, you would do us all well --
You would be quickly forgotten.
And then I could hope and pray again to the night and the eclipsed moon;
Just stuff your mouth with cotton.

There's so much to celebrate, but with your lies we'll never be able to hold on;
Just say this isn't another lie.
I miss the touch of an adoring love, but yearn only for it if you can be decent again;
Just say this isn't another lie.

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex

This is now closed for judging. Results will be in as soon as I get around to it.

First - 10 r/r/c
Second - 7 r/r/c
Third - 5 r/r/c
Fourth - 3/r/r/c
3 HM's - Each with 2 r/r/c
Everyone who entered - 1 r/r/c

This was an extremely tough contest to judge, probably the toughest yet because they were all such great poems, however, here are the results...

First - Espoir*failed -- We're Young & Beautiful
Second - Charisma -- Some Hearts
Third - Sheena -- I Just Can't Live a Lie
Fourth - Ciao -- Don't Forget To Remember Me
HM - Joe -- The Night Before "Life Goes On"
HM - Carrie - Inside Your Heaven
HM -- Britt - Starts With Goodbye

Please post the titles below, and I will mark them as done as I get them done. I will be contacting you all by mail as well right now, so if you get one from me after you see this post, just disregard it.

`*Espoir*failed

1.Cheers, (i'm on my own, but Carol's here) [DONE]
2.Close your eyes and pretend it's morning [DONE]
3.You're the one and by the way i love you... [DONE]
4.sorry for honesty [DONE]
5.Vivid animation, a whirl of colour and a lost chance of hatred [DONE]
6.Painting over tablet packets [DONE]
7.Lose yourself [DONE]
8.cure for the itch [DONE]
9.spring time blues [DONE]
10.hidden depths [DONE]

`*Charisma

o1.
o2.
o3.
o4.
o5.
o6.
o7.

`*Sheena

o1. The Whispers In The Wind [DONE]
o2. I Just Can't Live A Lie [DONE]
o3. You Might Be Able To Stay [DONE]
o4. Just Like A Firefly [DONE]
o5. The Song I Swore To Never Sing [DONE]

`*Ciao

o1. Songs To Live & Die By [DONE]
o2. Everybody's Favorite [DONE]
o3. With You [DONE]

`*Joe

o1. My Tears Shall Awaken You [DONE]
o2. Forgotten Dreams (Huitain) [DONE]

`*Carrie

o1. Deep Inside [DONE]
o2. Razorblade Kiss [DONE]

`*Britt

o1.
o2.

`*DrowningDreams

o1.

Could you please do...

My Tears Shall Awaken You
Forgotten Dreams (Huitain)

Congratulations to all the winners, there where all really good poems.

Peace, Joe

My most recent seven plz!!!!

This was awesome! So THANK YOU BUNCHES! And I loved your comment up top! Meant a lot!
Charisma*

It is supposed to be on bended knee not bent and euphorically is a word, other than that thanks so much.

Way to go winners.

Deep Inside
&
Razorblade Kiss

(I forgot the other was from one of your contests sorry)

Quick question, Espoir*failed got a total of 17.5/20 And Ciao got a total of 19.5/20

Yet Espoir*failed gets the most r/r/c's? Shouldn't it be the other way around? I'm not sure how excactly you do your judging, but I'd think the person with the highest total would be the winner with the most r/r/c's, etc.

Peace, Joe

Joe,

I know how I judge is confusing but I don't go by the marking guide when I judge the overall poem..the marking guide is more of a guide to hopefully help the person in future writing or in fixing that poem. When I pick the winners it is the poems that stick out to me the most and Espoir*failed had the poem that stuck out to me the most.

Charisma,

Can you please leave the titles so that I can add it to the list.

Carrie,

Okay, didn't think either of those were really words and didn't think bended sounded too proper. And I can not read When You Kiss Me because that is a title for another contest of mine you entered I do believe, so please leave another title.

Oh alright, thanks for clarifying that.

I'm pretty low on comments right now, so I'd gave you one you'd enjoy and in hopes of votes and comments.

Thank you for the thrid placing; I'm glad I can always put a twist on a title; I love to do that and do something the reader least expects. "Jesus Take The Wheel" is actually one of my most favorite poems that [I] charish. So, thank you for giving me the opportunity to write it, and thank you for liking it as much as I did. =]

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex

01. The Whispers in the Wind
02. I Just Can't Live A Lie
03. You Might Be Able To Stay
04. Just Like a Firefly {Double La'Tuin} --- I really think you'll like this one.
05. The Song I Swore to Never Sing

Wow, i've never won befor i will post my poems soon, thanks so much xx

1.Cheers, (i'm on my own, but Carol's here)
2.close your eyes and pretend it's morning
3.you're the one and by the way i love you...
4.sorry for honesty
5.Vivid animation, a whirl of colour and a lost chance of hatred
6.Painting over tablet packets
7.Lose yourself
8.cure for the itch
9.spring time blues
10.hidden depths

thanks so much, xx

1. Songs To Live And Die By
2. Everybody's Favorite
3. With You

Thanks for the placing hun! I really appreciate it considering it was like a 5 minute poem that I just had the inspiration for!

<3

Hi, i really don't want to be rude... but was wondering if you had forgotten about this contest.
i'm so sorry if this sounds rude ( i really am ) but i just didn't want it to get deleted or something.
thanks a lot xxx

No I've just been busy I have all the poem titles written out and actually had tomorrow's date on it so that means I was planning on doing it tomorrow when I have free time lol.