Just a little rant...

Hi!
I'm new to this forum but I've been having a bit of difficulty with my love life so I thought I'd come here and rant about it!!

My fiance of three years and I have been living together since october and have recently been talking about getting married. His parents live 100 miles away from us, so he visits them once a month or so and recently he's gone up to visit them.

But I've found while he's been up there it's like he's changed into a completely different person. I'm not sure if someone has talked him out of all the plans we'd made, or if home sickness has got to him, but he's now decided to move back up there and call the wedding off.

I've offered to get a tranfer at work and move up but his exact words were "we can't - you can't." So in effect this will mean we're breaking up!

When I call him he's cold with me, and won't tell me he loves me, which obviously means he doesn't want to love me.

Also, since we've been together there's not been a day that I can remember where we haven't had communication with each other in some form, anyway for three days I was calling and leaving messages with family members and he didn't call back. For all I knew he was in a ditch somewhere!
When I finally got in touch, his excuse was he'd left his mobile/cell at a friends. I know this wasn't the reason for dodging my calls because he has a perfectly good land line telephone which he could have called me on.
Either way, my mind is in a daze about what's going on.

He's coming back on saturday, so I'll have a long talk with him then, but I'm stuck on what to say, how to ask him...
Any ideas?

I mean I don't want to break up but I'm not wasting both our lifes and money trying to work in a relationship that's going backwards. I love him - but maybe we'll be happier apart if we cannot work a compromise.
I've been with him since I was 15- he's the only thing I've ever known relationship wise, and I was ready to live the rest of my life with him (and I thought he felt the same) so to suddenly find out this, has winded me!

A wise friend at work asked me if I beleived in God, I said yes, I guess I do. So he's encouraged me to pray, and he took me to church for a quiet half hour to just be with my thoughts and I've found it's helped me to be stronger with the thought of not being with my partner anymore. So I think I'll keep doing this and see how I go on..

But anyway I'm really confused and upset about the whole situation.

If anyones got any suggestions, or words of support I would appreciate it.
Thanks for listening (reading.)

You need to be careful with how you approach him because it sounds like you don't want to lose him. Just be prepared, you may not be able to change his mind. It could be that he's getting cold feet, that happens to men sometimes. Meeting someone when you're that young and committing the rest of your life to them -- scary, very scary. Maybe you guys need some time apart to see if being together for the rest of your life is what you two really want. If God wants you to be together, you'll end up that way. (Taking the religious point of view.) I bet he loves you and it's commitment that's caught him off guard. Parents also don't want their children to be with one person. A lot of the time they want their child to go out in the world and experience different things, including people. I bet his parents had something to do with it.

This is from a complete outsider's point of view, so everything I'm saying could be a complete waste of time.

Just be careful with your heart -- and sometimes, letting go is better in the long run. Be prepared. But definitely talk to him. Ask questions first, don't throw around accusations or assumptions.

Thanks everyone for the helpful and thoughtful responses.

I'll tell you what happens when I talk to him on Saturday.

It's sick that he'd put you through not answering his calls, I know how it feels to think somebody's dead and the fact that he just stumbles into a phonecall and doesn't worry about the stress he's put you through, well he's not worth it. Love can't come up with enough to build a relationship, and if love is all that is left, I don't think it will work out. You deserve better, and I know it hurts when you've been with someone for so long, and he was your first love (?), but you can find someone better.
x

You never know what's going on when he is 100 miles away, heck even if they are only a mile away you can't say for sure lol Someting is going on though, could be family, could be friends, could be someone else, but whatever it is only he can tell you. As for what to say to him, you said it in your post perfectly.

"I don't want to break up but I'm not wasting both our lifes and money trying to work in a relationship that's going backwards. I love him - but maybe we'll be happier apart if we cannot work a compromise."

I know it is one of the scariest conversations to have with someone you have so much with, but in the end it is better to know where exactly you stand. Good luck.