Broken Once, Broken Twice...

I tried to end my pain, but it only hurt me more, and now I bare my arms and show the scars I made. I've been broken in spirit, in heart, and in mind, and even here I am attacked by people who don't even know me at all. I am losing myself in an abyss of emotions that I can no longer feel. I am turning cold and dark. I fear I may someday go to far and end up dying, but I do not want to seek help, for fear of being failed once more. I need my friends to be strong, but they are divided still and fight each other. The one who saved me once now only hurts me and broke my heart. Now I am nearly beyond help. I desperately need to talk to somebody, but nobody hears me when I speak.

Tried to think about happy thoughts...or.....things like, it could be worse. At least you have a home, food, clothes, access to a computer (cuz ur on here). Think of all the things you have that some people dont have. Like hobos...and people who are dying of AIDS in africa. And dont worry, ur not selfish to want to die when they are people who dont want to die yet in africa, but they are anyway, cuz almost everyone in life says things like this once in a while. If you really dont improve on how you view life, maybe you should consider talking to someone, at least youll feel a whole lot better. And I doubt that anyone wants you to die. And people that dont listen to you...maybe they arent really your friends...maybe you should make some of them listen to you. Force them. You NEED to be listened to. I hear okay? Im listening. And Im sure there are other people out there who care about you also.

I've wanted to die ever since I entered high school, two years ago, last year I was actually considering suicide every day. Happy thoughts kinda don't exist around me in my normal state.

And as to the nobody wants me to die, if that's true then why have people told me to drop dead and go kill myself that barely know me?

I know exactly how you feel molly, i do and i've been there. and i can't say think happy thoughts because its not always that easy but you need to find a reason worth living. i found mine in spiting people. when i was young people put me down and i decided to do better to spite them and show them i could. maybe you should do the same, make those people who are mean to you wish they knew you...but everyone has a reason to be here on this earth. you need to find yours.

My reason for still being alive, currently for some unknown reason of her own isn't speaking to me right now.

I'm freaked out that it's possible that the one I care about most may not even be alive and that thought is haunting me because it happened to me once before, I had a friend and she moved, then we only communicated online, then I didn't see her sign on for a week, then I found out the following week from her sister that she had been killed in a car accident. it's tearing me into little pieces that are just getting smaller.

Failure is alife lesson, we all fail sometimes, that is just the way things go. You cannot avoid getting yourself help because you are afraid to fail. How will you ever succeed at anything if you don't try anything? Friends and family are a great support but there is only so much they can do for us. The hard work of recovery muct be done by us.

As for people who ahrdly know you telling you, you should kill yourself. People are mean, not all people, but enough. My high school experience was horrid and I was happy to see it end, you have to learn that just because someone says it, it doesn't make it true and it doesn't make it right.

"why have people told me to drop dead and go kill myself that barely know me?"

Are those types of people really worth losing brain cells thinking about? Obviously they're the lowest of low lifes to wish death on someone. Aren't you the person that was asking for help about a friend that hasn't contacted? Well that's how the situation would be if you decided to do something like kill yourself. And didn't you mention you have friends and what about your family? Imagine how they will feel if you commited suicide. And you are only unhappy and depressed because you choose to be. Try smiling for once then get back to us.