Hiding who i am

I hide who i am inside from everyone, even my friends. they won't understand this. they are too...normal. i love them and everything, but they won't understand this. i am a very depressed person and i've thought about suicide and stuff. i think i've already let them in on too many of my secrets. that's not the problem though. the problem is with my boyfriend. he is the only one that's goten as far behind my walls as he has. but i don't know if i want him to see this part of me. i dont think anyone who isnt going through the same emotions and depression can possibly understand this. but i feel guilty about not telling him. i've told him that there is another side of me that i don't know if i want him to see. he told me that he understands that i cannot fully trust him. but i do. i would trust him with my life, but i don't think that he'd understand. i feel so guilty. please help me.

But what if i let my walls down and no one likes what they didn't know was there? what if he thinks i'm insane?

Sometimes it's better to let them think you are insane than to know that you are dead and they will never see you again. Please think about that and the ones that really care about you.

I understand, sort of, where you're coming from. Before my boyfriend and I started dating, we were good friends. I told him EVERYTHING, kept hardly anything a secret. Now that I'm with him, however, I don't tell him much. I don't want to burden him with my 'dark' side, or the unhappy parts of me. I want him to see me at my best, all the time. I've realized though that it's not realistic. There comes a point where you just have to give in. How do you know that what you have with him is real if you don't let him really know you? Let go of your secrets, let him in. If he's right for you, he'll stay with you. It's that simple. Just don't over-do it. Don't scare him away, just make sure he's aware.

As for your friends, some things are better left unsaid. I have found in my own personal experience that nothing is gained by telling friends the extent of your depression ... they won't understand. It's not their fault, they just can't -- especially if they're girls. They have enough of their own drama to deal with ...

If he is standing by you now, than I have no doubt that if you let him in he will be there for you, and if not, he wasn't worth your time, he has to know who you really are before it can be real, so let it be real

annd with your friends, i vote telling them, you might find that they go through some similar things, thats what i did and not one of my friends left me standing alone. and that is why i'm not depressed anymore, help and support, just knowing that you are cared about can do a world of wonders

Guilt is the most useless emotion that we possess although i ahev my doubts that some people feel this....
Anyway I think you should tell him because everyone needs a lifeline. If they act negatively towards this then they simply do not reach the standards of friendship.

You have to let your walls down seriously it will make everything worse in the long run. If your boyfriend understands if you don't trust him completely then he certain will be there when you need someone. Everybody has their secret side you just have to chose the words how to reveal and real friends will stay with you because that's whats friendship is about!
I didn't open up right time and i'm happy now. After 4 years I have days where i got my head screaming kill yourself your worth nothing like whole day screaming and i just cry whole day.. I call that insane.
I hope everything works out for you great and be strong!
Let others make you happy!

We all have a dark side, you aren't special in this. Unless I'm being close-minded, I think the whole "I'm misunderstood" business, is over-rated. Talk to people, open up...be YOU. Someone will always love you for you. Surprise.

I've i always been me, i just don't show everything i am

Ok, just one question you've just let down your walls to us and was it really that hard? Try your friends, I'd think you'd be surprised how much they care and understand.

I let down my walls to you because you don't know who i am. that's why i don't have my name in my profile, so i can let it all out witout hurting or losing someone i care about.
and i will not ever tell my stepdad anything. other than to leave me alone.

If you want a really strong relationship with your boyfriend, isn't it important to be open with each other, and don't you think it is even more important for him to see who you really are? People don't have to be in the same situation as you to feel compassion and to want to help. if your boyfriend has been by your side so far what makes you think he would leave you because of this? If anything it will bring you closer. I know where u are coming from my friends have "perfect Lives" they are really happy people and they have never been depressed and i had trouble talking to them about it. I was going through depression when i met my boyfriend, and i was also self harming. I was scared to tell him especially becuse i didnt think he would understand but he suprised me and stuck by my side through it all and we tell each other everything. This "side" that you don't want your boyfriend is a part of you, and he has to see it sooner or later. If for some reason he doesn't respond well to your other side it probably best because you need someone who is going to be there for you. Best wishes, hope it works out.

I understand where you are coming from. but sometimes you have to take that chance of letting your walls down and letting people see who you really are because i think it would hurt too much to keep it bottled up inside like that for such a long time. and i know if i was one of your best friends, i would be there for you no matter what. yeahh i dunno thats just what i think.

Well i told him about my other side...and i'm still waiting for his response...