Any takers? Ex-friend...

I'm having relationship problems with this boy, A. He -was- nice, sweet, funny, caring, and my friend. Now he -is- cold, distant, quiet, and pretends to ignore me. He didn't mind that I liked him. What he did mind is when I actually showed I liked him.

He's all upset over some girl he likes, and won't talk to anybody at school because he's... cold now. He thinks he's ugly and fat, despite the fact that he -was- one of the sweetest people ever. Today I asked him why he didn't go to our club meetings anymore, and it was the first time he didn't look me in the eye. He spoke, but his bangs covered his face, and my friend Kassy thought he ignored me.

I knew him better than this. He's never hit me or called me a name -- ever. He was so sweet, and now he's a jerk. He ignores my emails and pretends he doesn't see me when we make eye contact. The worst part is that we share the same science class, and we actually make the craziest paths so we don't pass each other. I don't know what to do... :\ it takes all of my guts to walk up to him when he's with his friends.

oh, and guess what i sent him as a txt?:

"U hav no idea how gr8 u r. U made d cloudiest days special. Jst 1 smyl from u made my day. U cud make nething funny. I miss that about u. -kh

~I miss how he used to be himself. Now he's acting like something between goth and emo. And when he stares at me and doesn't talk, i drown in his eyes and wonder what he's thinking. We were so close. Ne takers of what I should do?

He literally sat alone by himself and took a vow of silence for two whole weeks. He pretends he doesn't see me when I'm in clear view. All I ever see is what he used to be.

I'm really mixed up... plz help

Man that really sucks but all u can really do is be there for him and u could probably talk to like a counseler and ask them about it to but mostly just be there for him even if he does ignore u hope it helps some

No, we aren't dating.

We used to be friends, but now we never talk. I told him I was worried about him a week ago, but he didn't answer me. He hasn't answered any of my messages since the beginning of May.

For the first time in 4 months, he wrote in his online journal. It said, "This month, I haven't been talking to people. I just sit by myself and open up a book. I guess I just want to grow up... have someone to hold, to care for, someone who needs me.

I'd jump in front of a car for her, sneak out for her, but noo... just because of a few extra pounds! She'd rather go out with a hot guy that treats her like **** than be with me. Life is a beauty pageant, and I'm the odd one out when it comes to judging."

...

U need to show him how much he means to you and how much life has to offer to him ive been in this before

And we've been friends online and offline. It was weird.

When he's with other people. I guess that's a reason. Another is that a lot of people found out who I had feelings for, which now adds up to four classes and an after school club.

....

Is there a way for me to somehow reverse this?

...

Show him how much he means to me? ... I feel clueless. I can write him all the poems possible... I can draw him sketches 'till my fingers give out... I have no idea how to show him, though...

I know how to try to convince him life is better than he thinks it is, though. I guess sitting down with him and talking wouldn't be a bad idea... -if- so many people didn't know I like him...

He deleted another two of my messages again. The second one I sent today said something along the lines of:

"You. Dope.

Don't u remember nething?

I hope that u feel better about urself, and I hope that by now u are seeing the brighter side. u r way better than this, n u should kno it. I'll admit it; I don't completely understand u. U r 1 of the most puzzling people I've ever met. u can act like a total ***** and i still care enough to say hi. u can hurt me like hell, but the worst that'll happen is i'll be sad.
But don't u remember nething?!?!

Remember that one poem that was in that note we were passing each other?

Remember that 'continue the story/sentence' we made up the day ur gf broke up w/ u, and although it was probably one of the stupidest things ever, we were at least a little bit happier by the end of class? Oh, and after school on the same day, all I could do was get u to sit next to me and ask u to sing, embarassing you in the process?

Remember how I annoyed the heck out of u and quit asking u to sing after the 10th time, and on the day I finally quit asking you, you sang?

Do u remember ne of this?? Because I remember a lot of things that have to do with u, and it hurts to know you're still there, but you act so different from how u used to. You used to be the reason I looked forward to Science. Now I don't have much of a reason."

Maybe you should ask someone with experience, and get help from romance experts.

...

Okay, that was a lame advice to me.

You should explain how you feel when he behaves like this. Tell him what changed when he acted like this.

If this doesn't work, hmm.. maybe I could think of better solutions..?

Love,
Ayumi

I say stop texting him. Talk to him in person, and find out what he needs you to do. Obviously he is going through some sort of personal crisis- the last thing he needs is his friend getting frustrated with him. I'd say the chances are he needs help; so find out what you can do to help.

...

okay... i guess it's worth a shot. i'll try to talk to him in person.

except that one of my friend's already spammed him for acting in a discombubulant way, and someone else sent him hate mail. i spammed him with pictures of pidgeons.

*~may the lord have mercy XO

what if he doesn't want to talk? he's getting into the habit of staring and walking away.

Or perhaps he just wants to be left alone.

Offer him an ear, and if he declines...tell him you'll be there if he wants to talk.

Then leave him be.

Annoying him with text messages will not get him to talk to you. Especially if it's obvious that he does not like it.

( )_( )
(='.'=)
(")-(") Arrivederci!

Maybe you should let him cool down for a moment. A guy doesn't want to talk to almost everyone when they have a problem. When you think the time is right, talk to him about it. Try telling him what everyone feels when he acts like that. Or, tell him that if he doesn't want to talk about it, it's okay, just let him know that you'll always be there for him.

Hope my advice helps. :)

Ayumi

This will be a bit "long winded." For that, I apologize.
Also, my advice may seem a bit incoherent. I hope it will prove at least somewhat useful, though.

The behavior you describe sounds fairly similar to how I acted when I was in crisis back in High School. As a result of one crush I had, I experienced panic attacks. Eventually, I got so bad that one could be triggered by the thought of anything to do with school at all.

From your description, it seems to me that there are three critical "players" in this scenario. The first two are you and your friend. The third is his "love-interest." Now, this other girl could prove to be your greatest resource and ally, depending on her situation and your precise aims.

First, ask yourself a few questions: What is my objective? (is it to become romantically involved with this young man, too help him maintain his sanity, to restore your friendship, or to protect yourself from harm?) What do I know about this other girl? (Does she have a partner? Is she interested in him? Can you speak frankly with her regarding this boy?) When and Where can I speak with either of these two individuals?

First, speak with him directly. If at all possible, do so in private rather than in public. Above all, DO NOT go out of your way to avoid him. Doing this will a.) Reduce your opportunities to interact with him, and b.) will reinforce any guilt he might have as a result of the difficulties the two of you have already endured AND any perception on his part that you no longer like him. Remember: he is likely in emotional turmoil himself. Given that, can you blame him for avoiding someone he believes he's made angry? I know that when I'm in pain, I tend to avoid sources of further pain.

So, what do you say to him? Tell him how you feel about him. Tell him that you're worried for his wellbeing. Tell him that you're not going to abandon him or flee from him when he's in pain.

Perhaps most important, though: SHOW him your feelings. Inside his mind is likely a cacophony of self-doubt and fear right now. Words alone likely will have a hard time reaching him. Use contact. Physical contact. A gentle hand on the shoulder or arm, a squeeze of his hand, a warm embrace; these things can evoke powerful emotions, powerful and positive. Use them to cut through his mental noise and help him see its impermanence.

These are my suggestions. May they serve you well and may you gain wisdom, even if you fail.

Wow. That is one HECK OF A LONG (but useful) advice. O.O

Well best advice I can give is maybe he is not interested in you. I mean you say he is cold towards you. Quiet. Avoidant. You showing him you like him constantly and texting his phone may seem a bit to much. Instead of saying how you feel take his feelings into consideration. Maybe he simply doesnt want to be bothered. If he wants to talk let him come to you...

Maybe he just needs his space.
Write him a lettter and put it in his locker or somewhere else where he will get it.
It is easy to delete an email or turn off your phone when you get a text message, but once you open a letter, you are drawn into it and can't seem to stop reading.
I'm not going to be one of those people who tells you exactly what to write,
but i think that you just need to convey the message to him that he is a special person to you and that even though things haven't been great between the two of you lately, you are stil there for him. you are his friend and you are willing to support him through thick and thin. If you are unsure about wether or not he wants to end your friendship...just ask. let him know you want things to go back to how they used to be and that he is really starting to hurt you.

and don't blame yourself for him changing since you liked him...
you've been doing the right thing all along.

Pondering Thoughts of Nothing is right. When you see a letter, you can't help but read it.