Delicious Surprise

------------------CLOSED-----------------------RESULTS AT BOTTOM

Someone Else's Life ; By: Teria - I loved the originality in this poem, it was awesome as was your word choice. I found it kind of confusing at a few parts the first time I read it but then I read it over a few more times and it made more sense, good job. :]
SPELLING - 3/3
GRAMMAR - 5/5
FLOW - 5/5
CONTENT - 4/5
FOLLOWED RULES - 2/2
TOTAL - 19/20

Love Is Not Enough ; By: Josie - You started off really strong in this poem but then near the end it just kind of switched views suddenly and the ending wasn't as strong as the beginning. If you would have added in just a few more stanzas so that it made a bit more sense to the reader that would have been better but nonetheless, I really did like this poem. :]
SPELLING - 3/3
GRAMMAR - 4/5
FLOW - 4.5/5
CONTENT - 4/5
FOLLOWED RULES - 2/2
TOTAL - 17.5/20

You Were Just Here ; By:Britt - I LOVED the imagery and word choice in this one. As soon as I read the first line I was like "Oh MAN this is gonna be good!" And I wasn't let down with that. :]
SPELLING - 2.5/3
GRAMMAR - 5/5
FLOW - 5/5
CONTENT - 5/5
FOLLOWED RULES - 2/2
TOTAL - 19.5/20

My Give A Damn Busted ; By: Sheena - I loved this, I've been waiting to read this for so long and now I finally got to! XD . There was one thing though, in the second line of the poem did you mean to put "You're NO commercial wh0re" instead of "you're NOT commercial wh0re"? Lol, I just think it would sound a bit better that way. Other than that, this was near flawless. :]
SPELLING - 3/3
GRAMMAR - 5/5
FLOW - 4/5
CONTENT - 4.5/5
FOLLOWED RULES - 2/2
TOTAL - 18.5/20

Where Were You ; By: Espoir*failed - I loved the descriptions in this but at some parts it kind of skipped around which makes it a little harder for the reader to comprehend. Other than that, this was really good. :]
SPELLING - 3/3
GRAMMAR - 4/5
FLOW - 3.5/5
CONTENT - 4/5
FOLLOWED RULES - 2/2
TOTAL - 16.5/20

I'm Not Going Down ; By: April - You need to take the time to edit your grammar and spelling. I'm needs to have the apostrophe in it and 'beneth' is spelled 'beneath' . This was a short poem but it still held a lot of depth, I think your writing has lots of potential, you just need to work on flow, spelling and grammar. :]
SPELLING - 2/3
GRAMMAR - 4/5
FLOW - 3/5
CONTENT - 3.5/5
FOLLOWED RULES - 2/2
TOTAL - 14.5/20

Whose Crying Now ; By: Brittney Schmelter - I loved this, a lot of girls can relate to this so I think you did a good job with that as well as the descriptions throughout the poem to allow the reader a more inside view of what you are trying to say. Good job. :]
SPELLING - 2.5/3
GRAMMAR - 4/5
FLOW - 5/5
CONTENT - 4.5/5
FOLLOWED RULES - 1/2
TOTAL - 17/20

"One person per title, one title per person."
[Scoffs.] Loser. XD

Anyways.
Hmm.. So many I want.

I'm bitter, let's go "My Give A Damn Is Busted."
Thanks!

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex

I want to do "whose crying now." Thanks!

Love is not enough, please!

Josie

"Someone Else's Life"
Please!

Someone Else's Life.

Portrayed with innocence, young ones lost,
speculating a slow-motioned surrounding.
They're humbly slipping. Oh, vertigo!
How proud is nature to let them fall?
Oh, oh, way too proud! The words come out,
"Someone else's life, surely not mine -
shall fall, shall bury, decay to death."

How proud is nature? Oh, oh, way too proud!

Where were you, please!

thanking you :P xx

Love Is Not Enough

You say that you love me
But I can't believe a word you say
When you find reason
To beat and rape me everyday

You say that you love me
But I know it's a damn lie
Because I see you smile
Each time I cry

You say that you love me
But, Baby, that's not enough
I have now grown stronger -
I am now tough

So you can take your 'love'
And throw it to the breeze
The love I once thought I felt
Will soon cease

Josie

Copyright©JosieWentzel25May2007

It took so long to find this; I almost gave up.
Sorry it took so long. Enjoy!
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My Give A Damn Busted

Go ahead baby, sell your soul to the girl next door,
You said it yourself, hunny, you're not commercial wh0re.
You can walk around with your cocky head stuck up high,
But your good looks and shoes alone just won't get you by.

There's something about you that strikes my eyes and pulls me in,
But I'm scared to open up and let the words whisper that you sin.
There's just something about the way you smile that breaks my heart,
You think you've got enough to make it happen but you aren't that smart.

But, go ahead baby, sell your soul to the girl next door,
You said it yourself, hunny, you're not commercial wh0re.

You aggravate me to the point of extinction and the frustration grows,
You've got such a pretty face and it's something you know.
Don't use your ideas and back them into me,
Take the deep breaths your counselor taught you and count to three.

But, go ahead baby, sell your soul to the girl next door,
You said it yourself, hunny, you're not commercial wh0re.

There's so much more to these feelings, oh how you frustrate me so,
But something about your nature that makes me want to get to know.

Just go ahead baby, sell your soul to the girl next door,
You said it yourself, hunny, you're not commercial wh0re.

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex

You left me at the station
You left me with a cool sensation
in my mouth.
No, it wasn't quite desire,
And it sure wasn't fulfillment,
It was the water to our fire.
The slow pace of the ticking clock and its tired face,
Try to breathe life into this dying race.
There's community and then there's
the sense of identical unity.
There's helping someone and then there's
breathing for them.
But none of this means you're not leaving.

If intelligence was your game, I was never going to be your claim to fame.
But i had the type of heart you could wear round your neck,
You could put it on the table next to your bed.
Or you could actually look into my eyes and see,
there was never any compromise.
There was you then there was me.
And that's all it will ever be.

I waited in that line,
For far too much time.
I lost my watch that day, or was it week?
Well I don't think I'll ever find it again, no matter how hard I seek.
I only came on the promise you had it and you were going to give it back.
But I only saw train on track after track.
Where were you?
There was people, but none of them were you,
But that's not true, in my world, there's only you.

EDIT

Hi, i will do
Im not going down.

Im not going down

-I won't leave you
I won't slip away
I won't let go,
Im not going down.

I feel the earth fall away beneth my feet,
I seem to fall forever with nothing to break my fall.

But then I feel your hand grip my wrist and I look into your eyes and then I know Im not going down.

Whose Crying Now

Brittney Schmelter

I gave you my heart,
You tore it to shreds.
I cried for hours...
Now I'm at wits end.

I took you back in "Love,"
But you wanted more.
All you wanted was sex,
But I wasn't a wh0re.

You called me names.
You made me want to die.
Inside I was hurt.
All I did was cry.

But you know what?
I'm sick of the tears
Even though I love you,
It's time to face my fears.

The fear of being alone.
The fear of being sad.
The fear of no love...
Well that's not so bad.

It's better than being
With a loser like you.
So that day, I stood up,
"Jon, we are through."

*

Sick of your slimy smiles,
Sick of our sweet lie.
Jon, darling, what is this?
Your heart wants to die?

Darling, sweets, baby, lover.
My life has removed thou.
Take a guess "my love"
Whose Crying Now.

Hey.. kinda hateish.. but Yeah i just got over a 5 month relationship. :) Enjoy

*Since you had a max of 32 lines i had to take out two stanzas where that * is ... thats where these go:

Now you've realized
That you screwed yourself.
You lost me the day,
I stood up for myself.

I'm no longer dancing,
Outside in the rain.
To you sickly sweet tune.
I'm basking, in your pain.

But that's okay :P

This is now closed.
Judging will take place shortly.
:]

First: Sheena - My Give a Damn Busted
Second: Britt - You Were Just Here
Third: Espoir*failed - Where Were You
HM: Brittney - Whose Crying Now

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First - 8 r/r/c
Second - 6 r/r/c
Third - 4 r/r/c
HM - 2 r/r/c
All others - 1 r/r/c

Leave the titles that you would like done.

Hi, thanks for placing me !!!

could you please do;

1. stop me i'm travelling through time and i have a curfew of 9
2. a toast to her
3. just one more line
4. but you still don't see me (it has slight reference to suicide so if you dont want to comment i'll understand)

thanks
xxx

Lush, I'm not sure what you've done recently and haven't. I've a few new up, but you'll have to search; I'm not sure what you haven't done.

But.
Thank you SO much for first place. I was actually venting, but I really liked how it came out, so thank you for the amazing title.

Congrats to everyone else as well!

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex

Please do anyone that catches your eye.

Thanks

Josie