Songs from the 70's (titles)

********Closed*****Results at Bottom****************

I have enjoyed entering all these other contests, so I decided to finally hold my own. I chose song titles from the early 70's. I have the song listed and then the singer if you need inspiration you search the lyrics. Thank you for considering this contest. Enjoy and have fun. ** If you have any questions please PM me.

War Pigs ~~ Black Sabbath
Doctor my eyes ~~ Jackson Browne
Tin Man ~~America

Awards:
1st 7 comments
2nd 5 comments
3rd 3 comments

Every entrant receives a comment on their submitted poem plus one more of my choosing.

Rules:
One person per title
One title per person
Any style welcomed
Prefer rhyme but does not have to
Reserve and complete by June 12th
Winners posted June 15th
Minimum of 8 lines please
No maximum but keep a reasonable length
Correct spelling and grammar usage
No cutting/suicide poetry

Reserved*
Tears of a clown- Smokey Robinson -Teria (Done)
Seasons in The Sun ~~Terry Jacks- Tricky Daze(Done)
Spill The Wine ~~ War-Just Jordan (Done)
Smoke on the Water ~~ Deep Purple -Espoir*failed
Time in a Bottle ~~ Jim Croce - Lush.Fcuk-*(Done)
Bad Side of the moon ~~ April Wine-EOS
Turn the Page ~~ Bob Seger-Synh
Moondance ~~ Van Morrison-Alyson(Done)
Morning has broken ~~~ Cat Stevens -nikki (Done)
Have you ever seen the rain ~~ CCR- SingingInTheRain
The Wizard ~~ Uriah Heep-startleme (done)
Walk Away ~~ James Gang-Carrie(done)

Tears of a Clown ~~ Smokey Robinson, Please.

I love the titles! Btw. :]

Seasons In The Sun...whoa

This is my dad's favorite song..he would be amazed if i wrote it
Yay..reserve it for me
Thanks alot
xx

Spill the Wine for me, please!

Smoke on the water please, xx

Time In A Bottle, please. =]

OH!
Bad Side of the Moon, please.
XD

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex

Tears Of A Clown.

Tormented through high school for his funny ways.
Demented through life by his child-like mind.
Surely this boy will soon become a man..
For, he's aged beyond his immature days.
But, the steps it takes are hard to find.

Now knowing his problem, he quietly lies awake.
Never knowing what to do nor what to say.
A mind so selfish, he lives for himself.
His love, his life, and his job's at stake.
He knows he can never walk away.

But, the boy doesn't know what to do.
He's lost in a world, as fake as me and you.
For, the tears of a clown never show.
Which is why we shall never know.

Spill the Wine

Remnants of
Drunken misery
Trail beneath your
Breath.

Mortal wounds,
Cacophony
Tantalize you to
Death.

Shed a tear,

For long lost love.

Spill the wine
From up above your
Miniscule halo
Drags on the ground
Riding on the brink
Have another drink
and

Shed a tear,

Break the wings,

Spill the wine.

Wrote it off the top of my head. Sorry if it sucks. Lol.

Turn The Page please :) thanks

Moondance

Please and thank you ^.^

Morning has broken please, if i may reserve

I hope this one is ok, hope you like it, tks bye :)

Morning has broken
by Nikki

Morning has broken,
as I open my eyes,
as I look around,
I see my surprise,
morning has broken,
and I see my angels face,
he looks so beautiful,
it makes my heart race,
morning has broken,
I see his gorgeous brown eyes,
when I see him in the morning,
I see my sun arise,
morning has broken,
I get up for the day,
I give my man a hug,
and know like this we will stay,
morning has broken,
I say "I love you",
he gives me a kiss,
and says "I love you to",
Morning has broken,
And I realize that I am here,
Losing my morning like this forever,
Is something I will always fear.

Bump.

Moondance

by Alyson

It's the time of the year,
When elves and faeries,
Come out to dance and sing.

Under the light of the moon,
Holding hands,
Spinning in their own little rings.

Midsummer Eve, Midsummer Morn,
Dancing out in the fields,
Bonfires light the grass.

Selkies join,
Shedding their skins,
Adding their own moon dance.

Rings and rings,
On sand and grass,
In front of the mortal eyes.

They do not see,
For they don't believe,
The magical creature lies.

Pls reserve me, "Have You Ever Seen The Rain"..

thanks :)

I'd like to take The Wizard, please :]

The Wizard

Clement man sits as punctual as can be,
Knowing there are watchers all around.
He is known as the great o-loving wizard
With the thoughts of his so profound.

The almighty god he is to the many.
Yet, nonbelievers are there as well.
But he does not care for them at all.
Wizard has his own thoughts to dwell.

For he is the clement, o-loving being,
Celebrant, the man needs to be.
His urges have been getting stronger
Knowing that sex is the only key.

Fantasies of women all around
Doing many different, ugly deeds.
Secretive is the only answer for him
For the man needs to spread his seeds.

Yet, he will continue on as being the adoring
Following other wizards before him had done
He will continue on in becoming celebrant,
Knowing his urges will never get undone.

Walk Away

This truth I see inside your eyes,
Tells of when the love did die,
That silent night inside your head,
You closed your eyes and wished it dead.

Speak not of what you don't know,
What I'll feel or how I'll grow,
Because you decided long ago,
To walk on by and let me go.

Hearts will mend and tears will dry,
There'll come a day when I won't cry,
And then you'll see what's come of me,
You'll wish you never set me free.

Don't think that I won't live on,
Turn around and I'll be gone,
Remember what you said to me,
All you'll have's a memory.

Speak not of what you don't know,
Where I'll be or how I'll grow,
You decided long ago,
You don't need me anymore....

Time In a Bottle

Old man Joe, from down the road
Made homemade wine in glass bottles,
And one night Ryan brought one to me,
Said: "This is the best you'll ever taste."
I took a swig as he looked me in the eyes,
Taking a deep breath he grabbed my hand,
"I love you babe," is what he said.
The stars were glowing bright that night,
Under the dark Alberta sky,
And his heart was beating against mine,
When I turned to him and smiled,
And I admitted: "I fell head over heels
The first time your eyes met mine,"
And a tear fell down and hit his arm,
As he laughed and took my face in his palms,
Our lips lightly colliding with the moon
Dancing across our cheeks.
And walking down this winding road,
I come to a sign as I stop and read:
"For the best wine in a thousand miles,
Turn left, for Montana, turn right."
And I flash a smile up to the glowing sun,
As I take the road I've been down before,
Coming up to Joe's old farm I look around,
Feeling his hands holding onto my face still,
And Joe walks up and asks me the kind,
Thinking back to that day I smile and say:
"Strawberry please, and make it have dust."
So he reached to the back of the cupboard,
Pulled out a bottle from '97 and said:
"The last time I sold one of these was ten years ago."
With tears in my eyes I handed him the money,
And continued on my way.
As I kicked up dirt beneath my shoes,
I took a swig, and looked up to the sky,
Smiling up at him as I walked on my way,
Down this old winding dirt road,
Traveling alone with my heart in pieces,
Shattered into strawberry wine,
Lost within the time in a bottle.

-Jenna Elphick
June 7, 2007

I have not forgotten, i will get this in later tonight i promise, thanks xxx

Seasons In The Sun
By:Laura

Feeling the raindrops touch down on my skin,
While walking at one of London's empty streets.
Cold blurs my mind to let my story begin;
So I want you to sit back now and listen to me.

We all get eager to waste our lives sometimes,
Without being aware of our valuable sunny days.
To live without worry and to hide from hard times,
But you can never know when it will start to rain.

I had the money so fooled myself as powered,
It made me think I could live however I want.
But money is a thing that can be easily devoured,
And it has nothing to do with your health.

Finally understood it when I found myself watching,
The rain outside on one of the hospital's window.
Summer days I lived were so amazing,
Yet I won't be able to see any other.

I then learned I fainted because I had that brain tumor,
I was left with so few days although I can't admit.
There were no one left now even to tell me a bloomer,
Or any sad face that will cry behind me when I'm gone.

So I made myself tread the streets to say goodbye,
And to live that lovely breeze for the last time.
Because I will no longer have any of my
Seasons in the sun...

That's fine Espoir. I have been very busy at work today and have not had time to get on here today as I liked. I will close the contest in the morning at 8 am my time Eastern Standard time. So anyone else that needs to get them has a chance to as well.
Thanks and have a great evening.

Dixie

This poem is not the best i've ever written, however it means so much to me and i was having trouble deciding weather to post it or not.

Smoke on the water

It feels like I've been sitting here all of my life,
Waiting for that smoke to rise,
Through the pretty little bluebells and fireflies,
I wait to see your eyes.

You left with a mystery,
Like the cool setting sun.
Can't you come back?
And see what it's done.

But the choice wasn't yours,
And you didn't want to go,
But as you did you whispered,
"I love you, please always know

That if I can return,
I'll come back to that lake,
So bury me there,
And just sit and wait."

I scatter the petals,
The petals of soul,
Around the lake that you loved,
And I try to extol.

You should know,
I'll be there.

I watch and I wait,
For you to appear to your daughter.
I watch and I wait,
For the smoke on the water.

Have You Ever Seen the Rain
by Kristi H.

Have you ever felt the drops, like tears,
Fall into your hand,
Kiss the misty, broken pieces,
As they sweep onto your lips?

Did you find a way to see the sky
From a bird's eye view,
As ebbs of blue and silver streak,
The midnight blanket's canvas?

If ever, did you bathe within,
The outdoors' softest showers,
Bangs in eyes as it pours down,
And for once do not feel cold?

Have you ever listened to the pits and patters,
Running elves upon grass hills,
Ending at the pavement's bend,
A steady beat, despite the wind?

Did you ever miss its gentle touch,
Like a newborn to one's mother,
Caressing with no other care,
Quieting all worry?

Do you hear the birds sing peacefully,
Despite their different voices,
Flowers, trees, how could they grow,
Because of just one storm?

Did you ever take a second glance,
At the things that do surround you,
To truly wonder, to be sure,
Have you ever seen the rain?

I think I got it done just in time. =] Here it is and enjoy.
``````````````````````````````````````````
Bad Side of the Moon

Do not tell the sun my intentions,
I would rather dance with the moon.
I would rather sing with him at night,
Don't tell the sun my convictions.

Mister moon can light a darkened path--
The kind of path that leads to wrong decisions
And he will still sing that softening tune
While holding your hand.

The bad side of the moon, squirms with discomfort;
It is nothing compared to the darkness itself.
The lighting is much too harsh and the promises broke;
The bad side of the moon is simply the sun and it's bad ideas.

We'll sit atop this convicted building of lost discoveries,
As we watch the sun turning into the moon;
We'll set ablaze a fire of dreams, for we won't sleep;
We only want to be with the moon until dawn arises.

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex

You did get it in just in time. I am trying to finish these up today and will have it posted first thing in the morning. Trying to do this and pretend I am working is kind of difficult. LOL Thank you all for your patience and I will have results posted just as soon as I finish.

Kay

***************Results************
Please understand these are merely my thoughts on critique on what you can do to improve it a little. I am learning as well. Thank you all for participating and all comments will be done no later than June 21st. Thank you all.

Tears of a Clown......Teria
SPELLING 25/25

GRAMMAR 22/25
Personally, I believe you could have used a few adjectives in this poem to describe some of the setting. The opening lines didn't draw me in, I kind of found them jagged in need of a little better structure to make the flow more appealing. Repetitive use of words can diminish the meaning.

CONTENT 21/25
The content was kind of confusing and I had to re-read it to understand the message. Once I finally re-read I understood what you were saying.

CREATIVITY 24/25
The story went along with the title and you had a great message of peer pressure and the effects it can have on a person. The type of person you describe in the story are usually the ones you have to look out for. They are made fun of and will seek revenge later in life to justify the hell they have gone through.

Score92

SUGGESTION:
Read the poem aloud and see if it flows evenly or if you stumble when reading it trying to make it flow. Take time and edit poem.

Spill the wine.Just Jordan

Spelling 25/25

Grammar 23/25
The commas were not necessary, the structure you set up with the spaces between the lines gave the break needed for a pause without the comma use.

Content 22/25.
I loved this poem. It reminds me of many poems I have written about my ex fiance Awesome job

Creativity 24/25
Wonderful Job writing on the topic and keeping the write interesting.

Score94

Suggestion
This stanza was confusing to me to begin with.
^Spill the wine
From up above your
Miniscule halo
Drags on the ground
Riding on the brink
Have another drink
and

But actually while I posting my comment on what I thought it needed to make it clearer it became clear to me. Hmmmm does that make sense? Anyways, awesome job.

Morning has Broken ..Nikki

Spelling25/25 Great Job

Grammar 20/25
There are a lot of (I's) in this and it distracted me from the message in the poem. You also did not capitalize some of them when you capitalized others. In my belief you can take out some of these un-necessary filler (I's), and it would not hurt the poem at all.

Content 21/25
Great Love story and that beautiful feeling of never wanting that moment to slip away.

Creativity 24/25
The poem took me to that special moment. Being in love. Which is what I expected from the title, so great job keeping it with the title.

Score 90

Suggestion
Edit. Read the poem and say it aloud to see if the flow is on key. If you stumble you may need to do some editing. The flow of writing is key to whether people will read it. Not just in rhyme but in the flow of sentence structure. If it takes too long to get a point across to some one they may become disenchanted with what you are saying and lose sight of the message behind the mind.

Moondance Alyson

Spelling 25/25

Grammar 23/25
There were a couple of commas used that were not necessary to the poem. After each stanza you put a period, I kind of found that a little distracting. Whenever I wrote I had always used commas because I found it distinguished each line and I guess in essence it was what I was taught. However the use of these had no bearing or affect on the write itself.

Content 24/25
Lots of descriptions. The imagery was awesome. Great Job

Creativity 24/25
I loved the mythical theme of this. I would like to have seen a more profound ending to this. The very last lines kind of trailed away from the magic the poem provided, But yet, I understood the ending as well. Great Job

Score 96
Suggestion

The WizardStartle me

Spelling 25/25

Grammar 22/25
Repetitive words were distracting, such as Clement, o-loving, celebrant. I think in this line it would have been more effective to change it around a little. Following other wizards before him had done

Content 23/25
Kind of explicit undertone, yet I see where you were going with this. It was a great write and not many will be able to understand it, I am glad you shared this unique write.

Creativity 23/25
Good job with creativity. There is certainly nothing anyone can do about our urges, as the last line states. I did feel like you could have done more with this and been more open about the needs, and desires the wizard was feeling.

Score 93
Suggestion:
Try to find unique ways of getting a message across. I would suggest a thesaurus for a variety of words.

Walk Away.Carrie

Spelling 25/25

Grammar 24/25
I know it is preference to the way people write, but I found the commas and periods distracting. Maybe I am just weird like that.

Content 25/25

I certainly am not a professional critique artist lol. Anyhow maybe I am nitpicking because you are one of my favorite poets on this site. I loved this write and connected with it as I do with most of your writing. I was not surprised when I found out you had written this.

Creativity 24/25

I love the kind of in your face attitude you have in your writing. We will be better off without the people that deliver so much hurt and will end up learning more from those experiences than if we never experienced it.

Score 99

Time in a bottle Lush

Spelling 25/25

Grammar 24/25
I think there was only one thing I thought could have been changed to fit the poem a little better and that was the word admitted. I think just admit would fit better, but who am I? Great Job

Content 24/25
I loved this reminiscent story of long lost young love. I could have very easily changed that year to 87, back when I was 17 and the memories of my first love. Blah blah blah..I could talk about that all day and it won't take me back. I also loved how this was almost a rewrite about several songs. Strawberry wine & Dust on the bottle. Wow great job on this.

Creativity 24/25

Score97

Seasons in the Sun..Laura

Spelling 25/25

Grammar 22/25
I felt there was a lot of un-necessary fillers in this. The poem was beautiful but it could have gotten the message across less the fillers. The second line was a bit confusing as well.
^^Feeling the raindrops touch down on my skin,
While walking at one of London's empty streets.
Cold blurs my mind to let my story begin;
So I want you to sit back now and listen to me.
In my opinion:
It would have read better to have said..Walking one of London's empty streets

Content 22/25
Just get rid of the fillers, and a beautiful write will transform into an amazing write.

Creativity 24/25
You are a very talented writer and thought you have done a marvelous job with the story and message behind the poem. I hope your dad enjoyed your rendition of his favorite song.

Score 94

Suggestion
See above under content.

Smoke on the Water Espoir*failed

Spelling 25/25

Grammar 21/25
As I have said the commas are not necessary to carry the write. The two line stanza just kind of hung out there,and seemed so lonely. Not enough structure I suppose.

And just sit and wait."
And I try to extol.

I would eliminate some of the ands and Is and I dont think it would hurt the message.

Content 24/25

First of all this poem made me cry. I just sat here stunned and thought oh geez this just gave chill-bumps like crazy. I enjoyed this poem so much and thought the flow was great. It reminded me of my daddy who passed away about 12½ years ago, we used to go fishing a lot and so the relation of the smoke on the water really hit home. Awesome Job!!

Creativity

Score 95

Suggestion Just the same as I said in grammar, those are merely a suggestion and just ways that I think it would improve a little on the poem written.

Have you ever seen the rain Kristi H.

Spelling 25/25

Grammar.23/25
I suppose its me again with the whole comma thing. I find them a little distracting though. I guess its just me I think everyone done it as well. But just as a side note
When I paste this onto word it shows some of them as un-necessary. This is the reason I even made note of it.

Content 24/25
Wonderful imagery, I was very impressed with the outcome of this. Actually I was quite amazed at this. Beautiful job.

Creativity 24/25
I love how you took the title and turned it into such an amazing piece of work. The descriptions were very vivid and painted a beautiful yet haunting picture.

Score 96

SuggestionThe first line of the last stanza was a lot longer than the others and it kind of stuck out. I think somehow eliminating some of the filler words would give it a more aesthetically pleasing tone.

Bad Side of the moon EOS

Spelling 25/25
Grammar..22/25
A few un-necessary commas and semicolons. The repetitive use of I in the first stanza was kind of distracting. Another way to say that would have been great. A few too many thes as well.
The And in this stanza could be eliminated without damage to the verse.
The word path was used twice in this stanza it could also be eliminated and would not change the meaning.

Content..24/25
Great Imagery. I would love to have seen you leave the mystery of what the bad side of the moon was without revealing it to anyone. Does that make sense? I am referring to the third stanza; last line.

Creativity 25/25
This is what I was looking for when I set out to put creativity in the scoring system. I wanted something that popped out at me and made me say wow, I would have never thought of that with that title. But you took a turn with it ..literally the moon and made me think. Thanks.

Score..96

Suggestion
Just watch repetitive use of words. Awesome Job.

Results*****

1st. Carrie (Comments Done)
2nd Lush
3rd Kristi, EOS (Done), Alyson (yes, I am feeling generous, I will give all comments tomorrow. You three tied according to score, I couldnt decide so decided on all three.

Oh wow, thank you. =]
I did realize I was repeating myself a lot, but that poem actually broke my writers block. So. Ha.=/.

Anyways, thanks again and congradulations to everyone else.

-1. Let's Play Truth or Dare
-2. Being A Poet
-3. A Schizophrenic Can Fall Too

I think you'll enjoy those a little more. =]
Take care.

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex

I don't know songs from the 70's i wasn't even born lol

:] thank you. please comment on any of my poems u prefer.

Hahaha, wow. I don`t think I ever even noticed this. =\