Was it wrong of me to say no?

  • OMGdanielle
    17 years ago

    Ok so yesterday me and my boyfriend went and got stoned [yeah ok bad i know thats not what this topic is about!!!!] and now i told my boyfriend that i wanted to wait a while before we had sex EVEN though im not a virgin and neither is he, but yesterday we were at my house and we were making out and things went a little too far and next thing i knew we were both naked and he was grabbing a condom, and at that point i just kinda freaked out and told him i wasnt ready, and even though he said 'ok' and when i asked him if he was mad he said no, i kind of feel bad almost like a tease but i didnt mean for it to be that way i just wanted our first time to be special and NOT while we were high. so im wondering, was it messed up of me to go that far and then say no????? because i feel kind of guilty but also kind of proud that i didn't just do it because i was too scared to say no. please help!

  • Karl Wild GG23
    17 years ago

    No you absolutely did the right thing, if he really cares for you he'll wait as long as you need, but next time don't let it go that far before you stop it. Girls need to realize that sex isn't just something you do for fun because everybody is doing it or because your drunk/high. You did the right thing and you should be proud of yourself and that's the main thing, goodluck with the relationship.

    GG23

  • handsome
    17 years ago

    Hmmm, hey its all good u stayed in control under the circumstances...it would have done much more damage to the relationship than u can imagine. if its your first time with him make sure it got significance written all over it else its the unmaking of a rather yet to start love affair...next time make sure u are fully into it and not under any ....influence...stay in touch ...micahlord

  • Kristina
    17 years ago

    You did the right thing.

  • MischieviousMya
    17 years ago

    Course you did the right thing hun! you have every right to say no. thats a good guy if he completely understood too. one of my relationships ended because i told him i wasnt ready either =/, but thats not the point. point is...Im happy for you =]].

  • Brittany C
    17 years ago

    I really believe that you did the right thing. When anyone has sex for the first time with someone it should be when they have a clear mind.

  • Painted By Colors llInLovell
    17 years ago

    That was a great thing to do.
    Dont feel bad, if he loved you, he wouldn't be mad.
    And if he isnt, then kudos to your relationship!!

  • silent eyes
    17 years ago

    Dont feel bad... if he would have gotten mad than hes not worth it!
    and since he didnt he obviously cares about you!

  • xfAdInGxaWaYx
    17 years ago

    A good boyfriend would understand. You did the right thing.

  • Fsams
    17 years ago

    You are right dear its your decision which is most prominant. Be like that :)

  • Stephanie Naylor
    17 years ago

    You did the right thing, and if he doesnt care for u then he wont respect it, but if he does respect you, then great

  • xPerfect Chaosx
    17 years ago

    I won't berate you for getting high, no matter how stupid I think it is. Anyway, no. Like someone said above me. It's your body and your choice. Don't regret the decisions you make, because at one point, it was exactly what you wanted.

    .:Danielle:.

  • Bre
    17 years ago

    You did the right thing you are not a tease you just were caught up in the moment atleast you said no and didn't just do it

  • The DaveJon
    17 years ago

    You did the right thing...but he did the BETTER thing. Yeah, he was hurt by what happened, but at least he listened...he could have ignored you and raped you, but he didn't cause he is a man of honor, though hurt

  • Normal is the Watchword
    17 years ago

    You did the right thing and never let anyone ellse convince you otherwise

  • weirdo
    17 years ago

    You did the right thing.... i f he loves you he will respect the fact that your not ready yet :)

  • xo kisses xo
    17 years ago

    Deff the right thing.

  • Annissha
    17 years ago

    I think u did the right thing but i dont think u should have let it get that far in the first place cuz if he waznt a respectful man he would have juzt took what he wanted and u would have felt really hurt and betrayed but if he luvz u he will understand and wait for the right time

    much luv
    peachez

  • OMGdanielle
    17 years ago

    Thanks for all the feedback...
    things have been equally amazing as before IF not more so, and everythings been running smoothly... he's a really great guy and all the time i realize how lucky i am to have him because of everything he does including respecting me enough to not rape me, which i know some people would have.
    looking back on it, i know i personally made the best decision and me and him have been talking about sex lately but regardless of when it happens, it'll be when im ready, and not under ANY influence at least for our first time... my real first time wasnt very special to my dismay and so this is kind of my surrogate first time hhaha..
    my main reason for NOT doing it is not because i dont want it [lol because i do, which makes it harder], its because im scared to give that much of myself away again and then be hurt [the one who was my first dumped me while i was in a psychiatric hospital for a week or two, for another girl.]
    but thank you everyone for the support.
    i really appreciate it.
    =]
    danielle

  • silvershoes
    17 years ago

    I love how one guy on this post says you did the wrong thing and he would never speak to you again...and one guy says you did the right thing, but you should be happy you weren't raped. That is absolutely sick. Some boys place value on sex above all other things in a relationship, and those type of boys don't deserve to be in a relationship at all. Respect, friendship, and passion...those are what should make the guy you are with understand that you want your first time with him to be special, you weren't ready, and you did not intend to be a tease because you care about him. Don't feel bad, he should be proud that he is dating a girl who takes care of herself, practices self-control, and cares enough to want something better with him. You made the right choice in that situation, and don't listen to any close-minded idiot who says otherwise.

  • silvershoes
    17 years ago

    Seriously, any guy who even considers raping a girl belongs behind bars being raped in the ass by huge, angry men. Ok, now I'm in a bad mood.

  • xPerfect Chaosx
    17 years ago

    ^^ Hahahahahahaha. True. You get what you deal out

    .:Danielle:.

  • OMGdanielle
    17 years ago

    Ahahaha, well.
    aside from caring about me,
    i think that part of the reason for him NOT decinding to keep going was the fact that he knows about me being sexually abused before.
    it turns out, he doesnt even remeber it so that makes me extra happy that i didnt, because then he wouldnt even realize we had a first time.
    and he's respected my decision, as i said.
    and i may have said this, idk, but my main reason for waiting was so that i would only have sex with people who loved me, and after this and other events, i realize now that he turly does and that i am a very fortunate girl to have him, and whatever happens.... happens.
    many guys do place sex on the top of their list...
    but thats the guys who cant get any ;]

  • RavishingEruption
    17 years ago

    Uh one thing will save you from this situation. Wait till marriage to have sex. That simple. Really. Just control your hormones. It isn't hard. Promise.

  • OMGdanielle
    17 years ago

    I dont believe in marriage. so that wouldnt work out.

  • Avrii Monrielle
    17 years ago

    No -- it's alright to do what you want... a relationship has two sides.

  • Dan Bloom
    17 years ago

    Did you explain to him why you didnt want to go too far? explain that you want it to be special because you really love him... that would turn out nicely and not only break the ice on his side but you wouldnt have to be so stressed under the circumstance either

  • silvershoes
    17 years ago

    It is NEVER wrong to say no.

  • Krazikoko
    17 years ago

    Ditto.

  • Dan Bloom
    17 years ago

    Just because he accepts you and doesnt argue doesnt mean you should take advantage of your power over him and have him whipped or anything!!!!... not that i am... ok ok so i am but thats not the point! haha no i agree with all the above its not wrong to say no ever

  • OMGdanielle
    17 years ago

    Lol i wound NEVER try to take advantage of him...inany way shape or form and i dont think i could ever get him whipped lol but thats fine cuz i dont WANT him whipped thats boring lol, a person shouldnt have that much control over another you know?

    but;; the other day i started crying because i realized, i have the relationship ive always wanted, the one i always dreamed of, the one i went through all the heartbreak for, and i have no intentions of letting it go, because for the first time in my life have someone who completely accepts me in every way shape and form and whom i do the same for, someone who has comforted me when i cried and whom i have done the same for, and above all someone who loves me back with every ounce of the love i give to him.

  • Dan Bloom
    17 years ago

    Thats exactly what everyone needs lol congrats. I respect that you feel that way about him. Dont ever feel ashamed of saying no... but theres one thing lol i know its hard for me anyways to control myself when you get too carried away. The girls normally dont have a problem with it because they take forever to get turned on and can be turned off in a second. Guys are the oposite. They get turned on easily and cant be turned off too quick haha... if you know what i mean by that though. Anyways yea seriously i dont know many people like you that would be able to say no in a situation like that. Youre very commendable for that

  • Stephanie Naylor
    17 years ago

    I agree wit danny

  • kida
    17 years ago

    U did da rite thing if u give in coz ur scared 2 say no then it wont be as good as it shoud b just coz ur not a virgin dosent mean u hav 2 sleep wit any1. me n my x broke up coz i said no n dat just prooves its not a real relationship. tlk 2 him n tell him y n da fact dat he understands especially in those circumstances means he is a good guy.
    from kida
    ps. always remember u always hav da rite 2 say no no matter how far it has already gone and if a guy ever disrespects dat it5 is his fault not urs.

  • OMGdanielle
    17 years ago

    Thank you all so much.
    ive gotten to see the fact that people still respect others, when all hope was almost lost.

    im such a dork that last night, i wrote a blog on myspace about him...
    this is it.

    Love.
    Current mood: thankful
    Category: Romance and Relationships

    So.
    for the first time,
    in years,
    im really, really happy.
    not just medokre happy,
    but happy in a way i forgot i could be.
    Happy in a way where I can be the retard I am
    and not worry about being judged or looked at funny.
    In a way where I can understand inside jokes and
    where i can feel on top of the world just by being with a certain person.
    Its how;;
    with every other relationship, i got bored after a couple weeks.
    and with this one, i couldn't be bored if i tried.
    and how even if i feel like im about to cry;;
    ill feel better just by looking at him next to me.
    It's how he's the first person who i honestly and truly believe when he says he loves me, and the first person who i trust not to hurt me.
    I guess in a way, I've decided to give more of my heart to him than i planned, I wanted to stay back and stay sheilded,
    but he's made that impossible,
    and all i want to do is live; and not be afraid.
    and i know i can if i have him by my side.
    I came into this relationship, in the very beginning, expecting a short lived fun couple of weeks.
    But what I got was someone who coincided with me perfectly, someone who makes me better and makes me want to be better, and someone who is looking for the same things i am.
    Steven Cassenti,
    I love you.

    he is yet to read it, and im a little scared.
    im afraid to sharing my emotions, and he knows it.
    how do you think he may react?
    i know you cant know for sure,
    but im just getting my nerves out.

  • silvershoes
    17 years ago

    If that made my eyes water, I have no idea how he will react. I will be surprised if he doesn't shed a few tears of happiness. Don't worry about his reaction, it will only be good.

  • OMGdanielle
    17 years ago

    It was.
    =]
    im currently working on a poem. updates with it soon.

  • Becca
    17 years ago

    I agree. Never feel bad for standing up for what you believe in, and never EVER feel bad for not doing something you didn't want to do. Maybe you could talk to him about it again.

  • OMGdanielle
    17 years ago

    Well i actually did a little bit today and i told him for the first time, that i felt bad for saying no, and he told me what you have all been telling me, not to feel bad and that its no big deal, and that he'll wait for me.