Thoughts...

When does it get easier??

I was at work today and I heard my new song that I want played at my funeral and I just started crying...I physically and emotionally had had enough. I am putting on a brave face but how long can it last...how long do I have to??

I have been sitting back and just watching life of late and I was thinking does anyone really understand...do people really understand other peoples pain?? Can they be helped? Scars always heal but does the pain really go away...from what I understand yes my scars have healed but have also been reopened and no matter how many times I have slit my wrists, they always heal, but the pain is still here!!

Does your intuition tell you that anyone who cuts themselves are attention seeking?? I suppose you have heard the new saying of people calling other people "Emo". Well I heard someone say that about me the other day, and I went back to my car and cried!! Yes I wear black - for the reason of trying not to be noticed, yes I have slit my wrist in the effort of trying to releave some pain and frustration and to end my life, yes I tend to cry a lot but no-one has ever really seen me cry! Does this mean I am destined to be labelled this all the time?? Do I deserve to be labelled this?

Then there is the other side of things, children dying of starvation, who would look at my life and do anything to trade places...whos there to help them? What I cry over all night would be like as the phase goes "spilt milk", then there is those people down south who have no home as the rain has flooded them, they lost everything...do they deserve to cry more than me? am I just being pathetic and selfish?

I went and seen P!nk live in concert the other night, and it was the best night of my life! I was on such a high that night (without drugs) that I thought to myself that if I were to die I would die a happy person!! Then I looked at her life and what she has had to deal with and what she has become now!! Although I will never become anything compared to her, I can look at her and say she has been through shit in her life and she has made it through maybe I can as well, maybe just maybe I will make it through!!

When?

It won't get easier on it's own, you have to make it easier for yourself. Someone told me that you can't keep waiting for your life to start, and until you have lived you can't give up the chance.

What I've found is that even when everything is S*** you have to find something to keep you going. Even if you don't really believe it, convince yourself that you do, and you gotta keep doing that until you find out what really matters deep down.

I'm pretty sure you don't want a crappy life, so you just have to not allow yourself to see it that way. You can talk it out, medicate it away but in the end it's you who has to figure out what you want from life and take it.

I don't know what I can offer beyond that, I'm probably not the right person to answer because I am too similar, labled and hurting, but I know how it feels and if I can't offer good advice, I can at least offer empathy.

I'm not the right person to be answring this, i'm a known happy person by those who don't me but by those who do they know the truth, i've tried to commit suicide in the last 4 years and i cut myself...alot....but i agree. you have to want a happy life, you have to want to be ok, you have to want to live. nothing is easy, we all go through crap, and no ones pain is worse then anyones elses i beleive. we all have different situations, and we all have a point where we vreak down. you have to find something worth living for. for me, i live for my little brother, i wont leave him here on this earth without guidance, but thats me...you have to find yuor own reason. not everythings as bad as it seems, you just have to look at things in a postive light. i have PTSD and i'm clinincally depressed so i will live with painful memories for the rest of my life but i find a reason to smile, it doesnt always have to be bigs things, but like you said when you saw pink you were happy...its little things like that that you need to live for.

You can never know if Pink is now happy..and 90% she isn't..fame or money don't bring any cure for any pain really..actually they make it worse
And I know her life,so yea,she was like in hell..but everyone lives that..I totally lived everything and worse that she talks about in her 'Family Portrait'
So pain is what makes us grow..and cutting your wrists won't get you anywhere..

Just try to be strong and look what you have in your life like you pointed that south africa..

you're -we're- so lucky comparing to them..some of them can't even find somewhere to sleep..and some of them can't even eat anything..what is internet?do they know?some of them don't even know what it is

So just find yourself something that will keep you busy..trust me it will help you

Thanks guys, I am trying and its nice to sometimes get someone elses point of view, it helps me to see what I cannot!!

Thanks