It all hurts so much. never felt like this before.

I have never felt like this before.

Never have I felt so lonely. Everyone who cared about me has left me. It's not just her. Two of my other only friends. They are gone. One of them doesnt talk to me anymoe because she doesnt need me anymore. She wasnt like that before. She was ALWAYS there. The other one doesnt talk to me anymore because I told her I had a very rough day and I am really low, I think 'll talk to you later. I dont know what happened, but she has not answered her phone ever since then.

I have never been in so much pain before. Recently I cut myself to cope with it. I dont have anymore people to depend upon. I have nowhere to go to. It's official. If I need a shoulder, I wont get one anymore. If I need a moment of laughter, I must read up jokes online. No person will help me. Every body's gone.

I can't go on like this anymore. I have to study atleast 12 hours a day. My emotional state restricts me from doing even 1 hour. There is no self respect left with me anymore. I keep calling the people who have left me...asking them to be there. I don't know if anyone knows what that pain feels like. The pain of humiliation. When they say they're busy (because you're crying to them) and slam the phone on your fucking face.

I don't know why people are so insincere. They meant so much to me. She was my everything. I asked her today if she doesnt want tobe friends with me o r what. Her reply? I want to be friends buut only if you dont cry to me like this any more. I don't like crying. It's not a pastime hobby of mine. There must be soimething happeneing to me, you fucking know?

It cant hurt me any more. I have felt no joy since a week. Maybe you guys cant understand what I'm saying. But...I can't explain it to you. I'm sick with this feeling. My head is constantly aching terribly. I need someone to love me. No people across the ocean. Someone to hold me and tell me its going tobe okay. I contemplated suicide today. I wont do it. But I came to the thought of it, in serious terms. I really feel like wanting to do it. But I know its wrong. I opened my window and stood on the ledge. I'm on the sixth floor. I've never ben like this before. I have no where to go. Reading encouraging words doesnt seem to help me. I need someone to be there. I need someone true. There is too much pain in my life right now. Just three months back God would have wanted to live a lif elike mine. I have been deserted, for no fault of mine. I only cared about all those people. It;s mainly cause of that one HER. Nobody can cause me pain like she can. And nobody had made me live like she had. I'm clinically ill with something. I cant talk to my parents about it. I cant talk to any psychologists - because I can't go to them without my parents knowing. Besides I have afeeling it would nly hurt my already zero self respect more. Talking to a stranger. Feeling so pathetic about myself. My school psychologist sort of knows me. Can't talk to her because....she's a famous bitcher. has her counselling sessions and goes to the staff room and blurts it all out. I'm out of options. I really have the urge to end my life. I won't do it. But I have the urge.

Sometimes it's just too much to cope with and the thought of the physical pain distracting you from the emotional seems so much better than hurting inside, and that's not the way it should be. If you feel like your friends are ignoring you, e-mail them telling them how you feel and what you're thinking about doing without them. Not EVERYBODY who cares about you has left you, because you still have your parents/family, and I suggest you join social groups to try and find new friends if your old ones aren't appreciative enough of you anymore. Remember, it's not something wrong with YOU, it's with them, if they no longer want to be friends. It's not as though you're doing something wrong or being punished, they're just being ignorant. If you really feel it's necessary and things push over the edge, you should probably go to your parents for help and a psychiatrist. They'd have better advice than any of us on here.

You've reached your breaking point . I reached it last year when everything just came blasting at me, but I held my head high and just cried the tears I needed . There are times when even though its hard, you need to hold onto your independance . You can't always lean on someone, because at one point, everyone won't be able to be there for you . When my best friend, who I turned to for everything, for the past five years turned his back on me for his girlfriend -- I lost it . I hadn't cried in a year, and he made me cry three days straight . He nearly ruined me, but only because I let him . You can't let this ruin you, sweetheart . Your parents are there for a reason . They love you, and care for you no matter what you do . Talk to them . They want to help . Pain is inevitable, but suffering is an option . You're suffering . Seeing a psychiatrist can help . You're talking to strangers right now, dear . Why not talk to one that will be there, and listen to you, and know more to help you than us ?

..__MiNDYY

Right, here's my advice:

Let's say you've walked a long distance, and you've got a blister like halfway through the distance you have to walk. You decide to go on, but the pain grows with every step you take.

Some days later the blister is still there, and it hurts really bad, so bad that you're deciding whether to chop your foot off, or to seek medical help.

Would it really be worth it to chop your foot off? The pain might be gone, but after a while you might regret the choice, because the problem might have been only been temporary, but you've decided to end it dramaticly, and you've lost your foot forever. But if you would have chosen to seek help, you would still have your foot, and the blister is gone, or it might still take some time for it to disappear, the best outcome isn't?

See where I'm going? I strongly advice to talk about it with your parents, start slowly by explaining that you aren't happy at all, but don't tell them that you have the urge to end your life. Say that you feel really depressed, and that there's no-one to talk to. Tell them that the school psychologist is a no-go, and that you seek more professional help.

The fact that you're talking to us, people who you've never seen in your life, means that you really want help. Don't keep your true feelings inside of you, use them to end your problem.

Regarding your "friends", it's time to move on. Trying to keep them will make you feel even worse. Try to hang out with some different people which have the same interests like you. Maybe they'll become your new friend.

(btw, I'm not a psychologist or anything like that, just for your information. Please, seek help and try to follow their advice closely as possible for you. Everybody's different...)

I know what you mean about that one person who just has the power to cause you the most pain..I had one guy..he had the ability to make me cut,and feel like commiting suicide. It hurts bad. And when you feel like theres noone to talk to its completely worse. As far as friends,if they were friends they'd be there. Just try to find someone that you can talk to.
Its not over. Everything in life happens for a reason and if you can make it through the bad the good will come to.
or if you feel like theres noone around that you know you could always call one of those anonymous teen chat lines...
I hope you feel better..whenever that comes..:

Okay. Everyones been telling me to go see a psychologist. I spoke to a friend of mine who met the one in school. She isn't that bad when it comes to counselling. She keeps stuff to herself. So maybe I was wrong. Now, I have an option to go see her. It's easy to see her in school.

But....if I dont see one...maybe I will be able to get over her, and then look back proudly and say I did it on my own. That would really fuel my self confidence for the long run. But if I were indeed to see one, I might regard myself as weak for needing therapy...and feel pathetic about it. I don't know....and I dont know to what extent I'd be able to open up to her...It wouldnt be a very big problem though.

So the question still remains if I should still get a psychologist. Please tell me your thoughts. They really help. And oh, I think I'm low again today. Its nto even two days. Sigh.

And...I have actually recognised something in my behaviour. I have bouts of sudden happiness, and sudden sadness. It's not a disorder, just withdrawal symptoms of getting over. The sudden sadness is becoming rarer, albeit very very slowly. But the bouts keep occuring. Now they come about every two days. I just burst out with all that emotion I've been keeping in me, and there I am, flaming in tears. The last one (that inspired this thread) was the worst there has ever been till now. This is really beginning to bother me. And when these bouts dont occur....its not as though I'm happy perpetually, apart from just that time. The dull pain in my chest never leaves. It haunts me even in my sleep, and suffocates me in every aspect of my life.

You should take note of the story about the blister...its a great way of explaining stuff flat on the table.

Ive been seeing my shrink for about half a year now, and i found it really hard to talk to her at first...but after a while it got easier and easier...we made goals and planned what we would talk about in each session and the next, that really helped me as it gave me time to come to terms with what i would be talking about next. mine gives me little experiments to do, and reading material...ive suffered from depression ever since i was 11, im 22 now.i have trust issues...people i meet have to earn there trust,when i feel they have i let them in on a little part of my life...im so paranoid someone will use something i say against me, my bf has made me see that trusting people can be a good thing too, he told me some things he hasnt told his close friends and i respect him enough to not repeat it, i trust him completely and i know he would never use what i have told him against me in any way.

your not pathetic or weak if you need to seek help. i always looked at crying and talking through my own problems as a weakness, but she has made me realise what happened to me was not my fault, and that i was just a little girl so couldnt stop what was going on around me. now when i feel i need to cry i cry, sometimes i cry and i cant stop it which can be abit of a pain, especially if i have stuff to do.

true friends wont leave you in your time of need, so i sugest you go out-have a heck of a time, meet loads of new people... and hold that head up high, just get on with life.

i sugest you go to your doctor, if you dont want to talk to a shrink as they CANT talk about you...
...i went to my doctor for about 4 years before i had enough courage to ask for more help. i got it straight away and everyone was great about the whole thing.

i recently put a post up about having no one to talk to and how i felt alone, but reading your post has made me realise, im not alone...
...and if im not alone-you wont be either, its hard to get through but there are people out there who will take the time to listen to you.

let us know how you get on.
love and hugs and peace to all.

october xx

Anybody in need of help is not weak for asking for somebody to talk to. Facing the fact that some people know how to solve a problem others don't, is only because you're in a very vulnerable state with yourself. You lose control in spouts of sadness and grief, and that's why people have jobs to talk to people. To help them cope instead of self harm.
Honestly, go to the psychiatrist, it'll probably do you a lot more good than trying to hold onto the happiness when the sadness is uncontrollable. It's not weak nor pathetic to go and ask for help, as anybody who thought they were so strong, can easily reduce themselves in times of need for asking somebody else for help. It's natural, don't be afraid of it.