I dont want to

It's become apparent that its not death I want... its life...because If I truly wanted death I would be dead not typing this thread... but I have seen happiness and I know what it is to be happy... sometimes I wish I would have never known this because what you have never known or had you cannot miss... only yearn... but i crave this like an addict a pipe... because thats the combination of missing and wanting... craving... you don't crave money if you do not know what it is or how feels to have it.. even if its a little... I'm going off track... I'm just hurting... I'm seriously hurting...and I dont know what to do or think or who to trust without them prescribing a shitload of antidepressants... or reffering me to someone who will... oh god

No im ok i was just venting.. and i cant express my self tothe ppl in my life so i felt id tell the world... and maybe itll be easier to tell them