How often? (for non-virgins) ;)

I'm a little curious... lately I've been struggling... I firmly believe that a relationship should have balance between the sexual and non sexual aspects... sexual of course being having sex and stuff related, and non-sexual referring to things like snuggling, talking, going out and doing things...

So the question that's kinda been bugging me is where that line is drawn... so how often (for you non-virgins).. do you think it's OK to have sex and get seriously physical without destroying the relationship?... At the moment with my girlfriend it's been about once a week.. but what about you guys?... once a week fine?.. once a month?.. twice a week?.. where's the line drawn...

Of course if my girlfriend and I feel our relationship is a bit heated we'll slow down, but at the moment we're comfortable with once a week... So let's hear it for those of you who aren't shy to share a bit ;)

Don't put a number to it. Do it when you feel it. Part of the fun is finding a proper time. It's best when you're in a relationship where you don't see each other that often and there's a mutual need. With my ex...I didn't get to spend alone-time with her very often so when ever we're alone...haha...It wasn't always sex of course...but yea...

I think non-sexual aspect should be developed more than the sexual aspect of any committed relationship. A serious relationship will have plenty of time to have sex, so why jump to have sex at every chance? I absolutely love cuddling together, showering, massaging, cooking...etc, a lot of non-sexual loving. I seriously believe that too much sex leads to sex being the core of the relationship, sex being a frequent necessity, and it can cause a couple to stay together through love's death due to fear of not being able to have sex on a regular basis anymore. I have a few friends who recently broke up with their boyfriends, or were broken up with, after losing their virginities to these guys and having sex often. Now all I hear is, "I miss sex," "Oh my god, it's been so long since I've had sex." And guess what? A lot of my girlfriends are out having sex at parties or with guys who can offer no level of commitment or respect, because they have grown this sickening dependency on sex. I overcame that anxious feeling when I was 14 years old, way too young, but at least now my most recent boyfriend (my 3rd boyfriend who I have been with for over 2 years) and I have learned to place much less value on sex than I have in past relationships. Our want to be together is not derived from sex and we are able to take breaks without freaking out. I also know that if we are to break up eventually, we will be able to be friends without that awkward sexual tension--I'm sure some of you know what I'm talking about. We're seriously best friends and since we don't rush to have sex at every possibly opportunity, I think our relationship is healthier, our love is deeper, and even our sex is better. I hope some of that made sense ;)

Now...what was your question?

Makes sense perfectly =)... me and my girlfriend are still in beginning stages of our relationship.. and sex isn't everything for us in the least bit but I'm just curious is all because I love her with all my heart and just wanted a little veiw of how other people think on the matter.

My boyfriend and i were together 4 months before we had any sexual encounter what so ever and now that we are so close, we have sex all the time. granted, i only get to see him every other weekend, but we spend most of the weekend either in bed or out with friends. like someone up there said, you don't put a number on it. do it when you feel like it.

Well for me and my boyfriend it's whenever we get the opportunity.

Me and my boyfriend are having the same isssue... our first time was last november and we would do it atleast once a month, only because we wouldn't have the time or the place to do it..recently however in the past two months its been every week and we are starting to wonder if its healthy. we love to snuggle, cuddle, talk, and just hang out...we strongly love to be platonic, though the sexual things are fun. i guess what i'm getting at is there shouldn't be a number, and a relationship should be based on emotional things, not physicl things. hence why most relationships wait for a while before having sex. i waited 9 months...so don't keep track of it, just let it go.

Hmm... i'm always away... and i come home once a week or once every two weeks.. for one weekend only... we're together all day, and it's nice... non-sexual stuff. and then the night brings the heat.. so yeah... once or twice a week at the most...

My boyfriend and I don't have a certain time set aside to have sex. The way we see it is if both of us are really up for it and really want to then we do... if not then we wait. Waiting makes things more intense the next time. We don't see it nessasary to have sex every time we are together. We just wait for the perfect time. Sometimes we do other things and wait until the next time we see each other. It just depends on us really though.

So pretty much what I'm getting is..sex is something that is done whenever the couple feels like and so long as it isn't ruling their lives, it's okay... my girlfriend and I haven't done it yet, I'm not a virgin but she is, and I'm not pushing her into anything... I just.. *shrugs*.. am kinda interesting because I HAVE had a past relationship that was messed up because of sex.. and I love this girl with all my heart and would hate for that to happen

I beileve if you are both happy with it its fine me and my bf do it as often as we can cause of strict rules mum has we hardly get a chance to express ourselves in different ways. but we snuggle up and watch movies, listen to music and talk at times to. we are noe sex oriantated

Wouldn't push it too 2 twice a week unless she wants it too... lol but remember it is your fault too if she gets pregnant so don't leave her if she tells you she is...

Personally I think any guy who leaves that resposibilty should be hunted down and shot =p... lols... okay not literally, but you get the point... I know I'D man up and take care of my kid if my girlfriend got pregnant =)

Whenever we take the mood. Normally four or five times a week. He's hot. I can't help it =)

But we both treat it as something special. It's just another way to show we love each other and it's an act that should be treated with respect and care. =)

People say sex isnt important in a relationship (what a lie!!!!!!) to me sex is the other half of the relationship. we could say emotional connection is 50% and sex and attraction the other 50%. to me and my bf sex is the time where we connect on an amazing level its so incredible feeling that u both share. so me and my bf do it 3-4 times a week sometimes even more. we love it we both attracted to each other and both need its. we are just human we cant help that attraction!!! but as i say that us girls have our mood swings very often cause of the whole hormones thing especially if you are on the pill. so at times we mite feel ultra horny and other time we are just not into it. so dont worry if your gf is going thru that stage just understand that its just the way we are. :P !!!!

Well me and my boyfriend have been going out for 3months but we have only had sex like 6 times...we just dont base our relationship on it and he doesnt come over just for that and just like expecting it and when i have my period he still loves spending time with me...thats how you know if someone cares bout you or whats in your pants...

Hurm, how to answer this question without being too personal...

My girlfriend and I have had sex:

A maximum of 1 once a day for a week
and
a minimum of 0 times a month
since we started having sex. I don't really think 'how often' matters once you get started, so long as there isn't pressure. I think when you start DOES matter, and I'd make sure you're both mature enough (relationship-wise) to handle that sort of sexual impulse. My girlfriend and I are fine, and we have sex a fair amount.

I don't understand why the pysical side has to fizzle out just cos you've been together longer or your moving in.

Me and Marcus are engaged and have been living together for months yet our sex life is even more healthier and better than before, and it was pretty damn good before that.

It's just another way to show your love for the other. An act that should be respected and loved.

Dude just relaxe and chill. There is not limit to where to go its whatever you and your girl are comfterbal with. You guys have to dicied together. But then again if you have to have a relashionship with her besides sex. You want to get to know her and enjoy the time you have with her, because one day it might end up about sex and thats the only thing your relashionship is going to be about... if you get what im saying!

"I don't understand why the pysical side has to fizzle out just cos you've been together longer or your moving in."

^ Not sure what you are responding to, but I think you may be missing a point. Indeed, that would be sad if the phsyical side were to fizzle out, but maybe it was never there in large proportions to begin with. That's the case I'm refering to. I think Jeff and I have always spent substantially more days hanging out, going out, and talking--without sex, than with. We fade in and out. Maybe it's the seasons :) This month has been awfully busy! Sexually...

Also, age does have an affect on sexual desire. When I was 14, I was a raging tigress...but I've toned down to a tigress cuddling as much as pouncing...And, well...That was really a terrible explanation. But Gem, even you are still young. Your sex life with Marcus will probably go down in quantity SOME DAY.

Yeah, well...Jeff and I have been together for 2 years and, and, and...yesterday we had GREAT SEX. Definitely in the top five.

Oh Sweetheart that is so nice. I know you would not leave me if was to have a baby with you....You would man up and take care of it only you are a really great person. It is funny how you are on as nonvirgins....Well how you had to ask how many times. Well I think we could 2 a week if we could. It is kind of cool now I can write on things for non virgins.
Love your Angel.

Like everyone else... I say don't put a number on it, just do it when it feels right, don't rush into it or you'll take away all the fun in finding the right position (duo meanings). Get to know one another--Take it SLOW!--start out as friends ('cause you can be both a couple & friends) & slllooowlyyy work your way to becoming lovers--And possibly much more! My boyfriend & I started out as friends, playing football, going to the beach, watching movies, going for walks, talking about anything & everything! We still do, he's still my friend (who happens to be a boy) but now we've also become lovers... And so much more! My days & nights, they start & end with him; he's the last thing that runs through my mind when I fall to sleep & the first thing to cross it when I wake up!

Its better that way for that reason & also because then you'll know if you make him/her wait long enough (for at least 4 months) that you may have found an individual who's not in the relationship just for a piece of... you know.

More importantly, if you decide to have sex it should be when you're older & not when you're some prepubescent (you know 13, 14, 15 years old), or else you'll be having inappropriate sex; for the wrong reasons, at the wrong times, in the wrong places--A bad habit that kids today are picking up on these days! Also, don't think that you are obligated to have sex with every boy/girlfriend you date. Wait for the right one; you'll know who it is &, likewise, they'll know it too. There'll be no need to ask, ''Will you be my girl/boyfriend?'' It'll just happen. It just happened for me & my boyfriend. We drove out the park, laid down on a blanket, under the moonlight, talking, drinking slushies, when he leans over a kisses me, the both of us chuckling & turning away, looking back only to kiss once again. No words were needed, we just, officially, was! I've dated other guys before who I will not acknowledge as a boyfriend--Nevertheless who could reach the standards of one! My present boyfriend, I say, is my first official boyfriend.

Have sex when you are ready, when both you & your partner believe that the two of you are serious and committed enough (which excludes all of the following: where you're in a relationship where you rarely see each other, when the two of you live far away, are broken up more than you are together, when you know that the other person is sleeping around, she/he was just a one night stand, etc., etc.), in a serious relationship you have plenty of time for sex there's no need to want it ''whenever the opportunity presents itself''. Sex can be life changing for the good & bad, it can save a marriage; life, as well as destroy it. Me and my boyfriend didn't have sex till at least 5-6 months into our relationship (we're going on a year this coming August). He's the first man I've ever slept with; the first man I'd given my body, mind & soul to. All at the age of 16. (If anyone can wait that long or longer you're truly going to be able to find that right person; your love, to spend your life with & able to keep that relationship lively.) Ps. Don't believe adults; your parents or other family members, when they say that he/she is just a ''phase'', you'll get over him/her & find someone new, you can't be together forever, there's always someone better out there, it's just ''lust', you don't know what real ''love'' is you're just a teenager, etc. (some actual words that my family members have said to me, not exactly setting a good life lesson or showing off their parental skills), don't believe them!

Sex isn't everything, I agree almost 100% with that (80%), but I do know that having sex is also good for you--That's right, as a matter of fact (20%)!--not only 'cause it feels good but because sex can help a person who's stressed relax & cope, when you're mad it can literally beat the anger right out of you, when you've gotten into a fight with your partner it can seal your apologies better than a kiss, if you break up but can't stand to be apart it can rekindle what you momentarily lost, etc. Even though I just told you that sex can make... well, everything better, sex is not a tool & I'd recommend that you have sex not as sex or use it as a tool but to express your love; adoration, happiness, passion, forgiveness, etc. Me & my boyfriend use to have sex all the time (between one to three times a day), & sometimes even now we tend to fall into the habit of it being almost everyday. Don't get me wrong, it was good--DAMN GOOD!--but sometimes it felt like we were doing it inappropriately; for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time, in the wrong place. I prefer to have sex only when we can truly be free to express our love; adoration, happiness, passion, forgiveness, etc., without being restricted or feeling like we were ''only doing our job'' to fulfill our partners ''needs'' 'cause we really aren't.

Also, instead of having sex you can engage in a serious make out & groping sessions, cuddling, shower together & rub lotion one another, give each other massages, draw on one another, use objects to stimulate (& I'm not referring to sex toys) pleasure like a flower & ice cube, have a romantic dinner, go out for a romantic evening, be coy & flirt like your life depended on it, etc. It's more fun! During our relationship we engage in non-sexual activities as a means of controlling sexual urges; cuddling on the couch, tenderly kissing, extreme groping sessions, drawing on one another, giving each other massages, showering together & putting lotion on one another, laying down on the bed naked & just touching one another, flirting aimlessly, exchanging & revealing truthful and sometimes humorous sexual remarks, even giving each other little nips or bites if you will (that's kinky)!

Take it from me, I know how to please a women (funny pun with duo meanings). I know from experience & from knowing what women like me want (which isn't 100% sex more like 40%, the other 60% is for non-sexual activities, remember & keep in mind that women are more emotional than men which means you got to learn to adapt that sort of skill in the bedroom).

I may be 15 but I am not doing it like others for all the wrong reasons. I am doing it because motionally I feel it was the right time. I am really mature for my age everyone I know has told me. I am not like every teen girl.

^ You've got that right!

"I may be 15 but I am not doing it like others for all the wrong reasons. I am doing it because motionally I feel it was the right time. I am really mature for my age everyone I know has told me. I am not like every teen girl."

As are alot of us posting on this entry, as this topic of this entry calls for logical, insightful, mature, perspectives.

My respond to the entry was not only individual or referring to an individual but for and of the general public.

Umm definatly dont put a number on it hun.. it happens when it happens.. you shouldnt be like.. okay one week is up, lets get to it!!!.... but me and my ex did it quite a bit, and we still had a perfectly amazing emotional relationship as well
we did it like 3 times a week on ave

P.s.. me and him were together for quite some time though

"But Gem, even you are still young. Your sex life with Marcus will probably go down in quantity SOME DAY."

Maybe so, but we're both pretty high drives so i doubt it, hehe. We've been living together some time now, so i'm just saying that since then, it's got better so the people saying, as you get more serious, it fades out can't always be right cos it was pretty much the opposite for me and him.

I agree with everyone one else, dont put a number on it, just do it when you feel like it. And if you want to and she doesnt dont push her into it because that is when you are stepping over that line. Never make her do something when she doesnt want to and when she isnt 100% sure about it. But i would say dont go over the top, dont let sex take over the relationship.

Hey sweetheart,
Today was a really great day. I love you
Your Angel

^... haha.. if I did it whenever I feel like.. I think i would be classified as a nympho.. rofl!!

Very funny Sweetheart lol. I think if you did you would be a nympho but I don't want to talk about it on here so that is what I am going to say.
~Brooke~

Havent had sex in... 4 months? out of choice. lost it to a jerk who didnt care about me, been wary since then. been in a relationship for 2 and a half months... time's coming soon im sure... i just got birth control and checked...hes getting checked.... so that should be fun. lol. after that.. im guessing, what with the difficulties of having a place/time to do it between him working and my mom being home and him living at a group home and me refusing to do it on a park bench or something [lol]... probably twice a week. sufficient for now.

A study was done and it turns out lots of people do it 3-4 times a week but thats not for everyone

I say since I am your the guy who posted this Lance's girlfriend that yes we can do it when we feel that we really want to and 3-4 times a week wouldn't be to bad at all...Well it wouldn't be bad. If we feel that our relationship was getting heated yes we would stop for a bit but right now and most likely we will never get heated so we are just fine for when ever we feel that we want to. (I really don't know if any of that made sence at all but to me it did)