Rookie of the Year (L)

------------------------------RESULTS--------------------------------

I took my time to judge this contest, giving full analysis of each poem..analysis from my perspective. Take it or leave it, they`re your poems, not mine so it`s really up to you. Along with the full analysis and little comment I make, I also graded your poems. The marking guide is at the end of every poem. :]

Sign Of His Glory
By: Jordan

[War stricken bodies wrapped in bloody bandages,
The TV blares music for those soldiers that fell,
As crimson kisses stain the letters and pages.]

^^ LOVED those lines, but I believe, in Terzanelle`s, the third line of the first stanza should be the same as the first.

[The sun shines from the heavens onto the faces of the well;
smiling, ceramic poses in Kodak pictures on the wall,
The TV blares music for those soldiers that fell.]

^^ I didn`t quite like the imagery in these lines, I don`t know why...something about the 'ceramic poses' got to me, I don`t think that the word ceramic quite fits there.

[To the world, they were nobody special, just heroes that fight for us all;
no names for unknown deaths massacred inside,
smiling, ceramic poses in Kodak pictures on the wall.]

^^ I liked this stanza, except for the first line. It`s got truth in it, yes...but also..they weren`t just nobodies to their loved ones that they left behind. But, it does add to the emotion and strength of the poem by saying that they were nobodies.

[Glistening perspiration lace his painful smile, where he hides;
just to blink away the horror and the destructive pain,
no names for unknown deaths massacred inside.]

^^ First line, lace should be laces? And again, the imagery doean`t quite fit in there, perspiration laces his smile? Perspiration can lace a brow, but the smile doesn`t fit with perspiration in my opinion.

[White tombstones on a hill of memories, thousands of names;
he looks up into the sky and holds his hands up high,
just to blink away the horror and the destructive pain.]

^^ I couldn`t find anything wrong with this stanza, I liked it. :]

[For a sign of his glory, this soldier marches on as he saves lives,
War stricken bodies wrapped in bloody bandages,
He looks up into the sky and holds his hands up high,
War stricken bodies wrapped in bloody bandages.]

^^ A great way to end the poem, and the lines that were carried down from the first stanza, I just have to say...really stood out to me. :]

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Overall, I liked the poem...there were a few lines here and there that didn`t quite hit me or that didn`t fit, but war poems have always been one of my favorite types; and the fact that you wrote about one so well in a Terzanelle is impressive...I`ve always been a fan of Terzanelle`s and this is no different for me. Good job Darling.
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Each multiplied by 10 to make it out of 100

Content - 7/10 ; 70%
Spelling & Grammar - 9.5/10 ; 95%
Appeal - 8/10 ; 80%
Flow - 10/10 ; 100%

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Shoebox Memories
By: Disturbed one

[Thoughts and memories buried,
In the back of my mind,
But something is wrong,
You seem to fade with time,]

^^ I loved the first two lines of this, it was a great way to start the poem and really pull the reader in, the last two of this were the same.

[I try to cope day by day,
And I feel Im losing touch,
I forget how you'd laugh,
Or make me smile and such,]

^^ The first three lines of this were AMAZING, but the last line just didn`t really hit me; I don`t know why.

[Looking through this box of notes,
A tear falls and lands on your cheek,
As I reach to wipe it away,
I hear your voice and the words you speak,]

^^ I like the imagery in this, many people have looked at pictures and reminisced on words that the person/loved one in the picture had said before, so the imagery in this really stood out.

["Baby, dont wipe those tears,
I'll always be by your side,
Even though I cant be seen,
Believe we'll be together; confide"]

^^ I didn`t like this stanza as much as I had liked some of the others, it was good, don`t get me wrong...but in the first line, I think if you removed the don`t from the line it would make a lot more sense, the second and third line are fine; but the last line isn`t as strong as the rest of the poem when it really should be the strongest line. The confide doesn`t fit, it seems kind of forced in there; confide means to share a secret, and it doesn`t fit where you have put it.

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Overall, I LOVED this poem. It was a great erad and I love how you were able to make the poem so personal to you but yet you told the story of the poem in a way that made it very relatable for the readers. Great job Hun. :]
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Each multiplied by 10 to make it out of 100

Content - 9.5/10 ; 95%
Spelling & Grammar - 9.5/10 ; 95%
Appeal - 9.5/10 ; 95%
Flow - 10/10 ; 100%

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I'm Gone Tomorrow (Mirrored Refrain) –
By: Jordan

[Rain pours from the angry rain clouds above our heads;
protect me, darling, protect me from this destructive rain,
Pack my suitcases and drench myself in tears,
Covering my head just to drown out the pain.]

^^ I loved the first line of this, it really pulled me in; however, the second line wasn`t as strong in my view. Third line I loved, the last line I didn`t think really fit where you put it, seemed kind of forced for the rhyme.

[Just blast the radio and the TV louder to drown out my voice;
turn our backs on everything we've worked on for years.
Covering my head just to drown out the pain,
Pack my suitcases and drench myself in tears.]

^^ The first line has words added where they don`t really need to be, you can remove the 'just' and the 'louder' and the line will still be just as effective.

[Paper hearts rip to shreds and scatter pieces along the floor;
permanent markers have written your name,
Pack my suitcases and drench myself in tears,
Covering my head just to drown out the pain.]

^^I LOVED the first line of this stanza, it`s amazing; but the second line I think could have been worded a little different with a teensy bit more description to help the reader out and to help your poem out by improving the flow in it. And name isn`t really a direct rhyme with pain either.

[As crimson kisses brush your pale white cheeks;
and your arms lock around my waist, with a voice so sincere,
Covering my head just to drown out the pain,
Pack my suitcases and drench myself in tears.]

^^ I liked the first line a lot, but the second one was just eck...I don`t know why...I loved it, but not where it was put...it doesn`t fit in that stanza where it is placed...I think maybe if you switched the two lines around it would work better, but again..there`s the rhyme scheme problem with doing that.

[Today was the beginning of the end to our lives as one;
tomorrow I'm gone. So save me now, darling, save me from the rain,
Pack my suitcases and drench myself in tears,
Covering my head just to drown out the pain.]

^^ In the first line of this stanza, I felt like if you switched the words 'to' and 'of' around it would sound a lot better. The second line with the carried on sentence was a little awkward the first time I read it, and it had too much grammar in it...never thought I`d say that, but there was an extra comma where it shouldn`t be.

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Overall, this poem was alright. Not my favorite that I`ve read from you and I think it has some potential to be made a little better, there was just a few things here and there that didn`t quite fit or sound right.
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Each multiplied by 10 to make it out of 100

Content - 7.5/10 ; 75%
Spelling & Grammar - 9/10 ; 90%
Appeal - 7/10 ; 70%
Flow - 9/10 ; 90%

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Shoebox Moments
By: Terra

[Sitting upon her dusted desk top
Is a painted yellow shoebox;
Within it are the moments
In which they were all happy.]

^^ The first two lines were great, started off really strong but the last two lines in the stanza just didn`t stick with me.

[A blue Mexican hat sings out in sorrow;
As it brings tears to her own blue eyes,
Remembering the days when they
Were each other's pizza slices.]

^^ Same thing with this one, I loved the first two lines but the last two were weak and didn`t make enough of an impact to stay in my mind.

[A rock broken in three, each resembling them
Rock, Paper, Scissors, always to be connected
It was their pact, to never leave each other
But the high school years tore them apart.]

^^ loveloveLOVE this stanza, now you have gotten to the point of the story within the poem and it is the stanza that draws me, as the reader, into the poem.

[Rock, her dearly beloved rock
Held them together when things were tough,
She was their strength. She was their stone...
Until she herself, broke down to nothing.]

^^ LOVE this stanza, even without the rhymes it still holds so much strength when usually for me, rhyming makes a stanza stronger and easier to read; this didn`t need the rhymes, it had it`s strength without the rhymes.

[Paper, she was their paper
They wrote their secrets, and shared their pain
She couldn't be burned, or ripped or cut apart
Because she loved them, and she still does.]

^^ I like this, but with the paper as a symbol, you need to say that the paper CAN be burnt, ripped and cut but she will still be there for them, that`s what we had always said when we made you the reference to paper anyways, Dear ;] lol. And the last line, I liked it, but it wasn`t very stong, a little bit of different wording could help it.

[Scissors, her sacred scissors
Touched their souls with her loving cuts,
She was their protector, she was their soul
And even now, scissors is indeed her protector.]

^^ I love this stanza, and no not just because it compliments me lol, I love the wording in it and the way you wrote it flowed pretty good.

[In this shoebox the memories do sing
A lullaby that won't leave her head,
Of the days that they were indeed
Rock, Paper and Scissors.]

^^ LOVE this stanza, perfect ending.

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Overall, the poem wasn`t as strong as it could have been and some lines in it were very awkward, but a few fixed things could really help it.
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Each multiplied by 10 to make it out of 100

Content - 8/10 ; 80%
Spelling & Grammar - 7/10 ; 70%
Appeal - 8.5/10 ; 85%
Flow - 9.5/10 ; 95%
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Just for tonight [Acrostic]
By: Infected

[Just for tonight, I wont think about you
Understanding my feelings, you can not do
So here I am now, without you
Tonight you will be out of my thoughts]

^^ I like it, but I think the word 'you' was a tad overused in it. The first line I LOVED but 'wont' needs its proper grammar to make 'won`t'. The first line and the last line really stood out to me, they`re very strong.

[For you are a waste of time
Ongoing hurt is all you caused
Ripping out my heart]

^^ Just like the last stanza, the first and the last lines were really strong. I loved this stanza.

[Tears never stopped pouring
Out of these blue eyes
Night time falls and I'm still alone
I thought you would be there
Guiding me through
Holding me tight, never letting go
To think that I was completely wrong]

^^ I liked this, but I think this stanza, along with the other two, could use a bit of grammar to help improve the flow. The last line didn`t really fit in my opinion, it seemed kind of forced in there just to correspond with the 't' needed at the beginning. I think to help that, you could change the second last line to 'Holding me tight, never letting go; and now - ' then it will be carried over the last line and it will make a lot more sense that way instead of just throwing the reader into that.

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Overall, this was a very good acrostic; I`ve always really liked acrostics and I liked the use of the title into this poem. Acrostics are the hardest style to write to please readers because they are the hardest to use descriptions in while keeping the flow steady; but I think you did a great job on this. :]
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Each multiplied by 10 to make it out of 100

Content - 8/10 ; 80%
Spelling & Grammar - 6/10 ; 60%
Appeal - 7/10 ; 70%
Flow - 8.5/10 ; 85%

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Here today
By: Infected

[When I think of you, I smile
You make my life complete
I never thought I would find you
You wipe me off my feet]
^^ I didn`t really like this stanza, it was too cliched. Everyone can write a love poem about how their special person makes them smile or sweeps them away; a little more description could really help this.

[This isn't a happy ending
For its never going to end
My happiness with you
Will be forever my friend]
^^ I liked the first two lines, but grammar is needed to help the flow of this poem.

[Walking down the aisle now
I'm happy you are here today
To make me your wife
And whisk me away]
^^ Kind of sudden, sure the other stanzas DID lead up to this, but you just threw it in without very much description...you need more description in these stanzas to help the reader.

[I will always love you
And never leave your side
For you have stolen my heart
I will always be your guide

To help you through
When things get tough
To lend you a hand
When it all gets rough]
^^ The poem is kind of skipping around a bit, it needs a little more work. These two stanzas could be switched and it would still have the same effect, it would be a lot stronger if it was written so that EACH stanza can stand where it is and nowhere else.

[So I just want to say
That my love for you
Will never fade away
And I know you love me too]
^^ I think the ending could have been a lot stronger, if he is marrying you it is a give in that he loves you.
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Overall, I liked the poem I just feel like it needs a little bit of work because it is a little cliched and the flow just needs a bit of grammar. A little more description is also needed to help the reader.
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Each multiplied by 10 to make it out of 100

Content - 6/10 ; 60%
Spelling & Grammar - 5/10 ; 50%
Appeal - 6.5/10 ; 65%
Flow - 7/10 ; 70%
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Poison Like Your Own [Licentia Rhyme]
By:Britt

[Allow this pain to slowly drip down your spine
Pass your judgement for when your stars realign
For a poison like your own, how demanding
Weakening your soul, your thoughts reprimanding
Challenge yourself, the darkness has yet to come
No longer the ruler of your fake kingdom
Troublesome woes shadowing the aftermath
Within wars of yourself; taking the wrong path
Weakened hearts creating their own destruction
Leading themselves into utter dysfunction
Allow this pain to slowly drip down your spine
Pass your judgement for when your stars realign]
^^ LOVED the beginning lines for starters, a great way to start off the poem and really draw the reader in. And plus, they`re the ones that are repeated throughout the poem in every stanza so they need to be stronger. I loved this stanza, the imagery was great and I love how you tied the title into it.

[For a poison like your own, how demanding
Weakening your soul, your thoughts reprimanding
An aftertaste like yours beginning to crash
Failing to burn; fire and water do clash
Your greetings paired with a troubling heartache
With each promise whispered - a violent earthquake
Happiness conveyed would merely be a lie
Your love costs nothing more than a cheap goodbye
Thoughts trickle beyond this doomed relationship
Acknowledgement needed for this one-way trip
Allow this pain to slowly drip down your spine
Pass your judgement for when your stars realign]
^^ Wowie, ouch lmao. Thart hurt my ego as a writer reading that lol...I LOVE this stanza, just a teensy bit more than the last one, didn`t think that could even happen lol. The fourth pair of lines - AMAZING !

[Challenge yourself, the darkness has yet to come
No longer the ruler of your fake kingdom
Pathetic and alone, as one could predict
How sad, watching you create your own verdict
Washing my hands, how I hope you feel the pain
Knowing nothing about innocence to feign
Conceiving emotions that were once hidden
No longer the one who is guilt-ridden
Endanger your soul; feel the passion burning
No longer my fault, the tables are turning
Allow this pain to slowly drip down your spine
Pass your judgement for when your stars realign]
^^ I`m speechless, every stanza in this poem had so much strength, so much imagery. You amaze me.
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Overall, I think I said it already...you amaze me. This is probably one of the best Licentia`s I`ve EVER read, and I mean that.
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Each multiplied by 10 to make it out of 100

Content - 10/10 ; 100%
Spelling & Grammar - 8.5/10 ; 85%
Appeal - 10/10 ; 100%
Flow - 10/10 ; 100%

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Just For Tonight
By: Bryan

[Everyday I wake up with someone new,
different girl everyday since I left you.
Whiskey in my blood, I don't have a heart,
every since that day when I tore it apart.]
^^ LOVE this stanza, lovelovelove it lol. The beginning line goes straight to the point of the poem instead of stringing the reader along for a few stanzas and then getting to the point, and that stands out to me when I read poems. The only thing that I think could be fixed in this stanza is the last line, I think it would sound and flow a lot better if it was changed to something like ' ever since the day that I tore it apart ' .

[The hookers come and the hookers go,
but still I'm not satisfied, and it shows.
Tears fill my eyes as I kick them out,
none will know what this pain is about.]
^^ Loved this, the story progresses and you didn`t just throw something in there that doesn`t fit, so that was good.

[You knew me, held my tight in your arms,
fight away my fears, kept me from harm.
Now your gone and this what I've become,
hellbent on lust, only wanting to get some.]
^^ LOVED the last line, AMAZING.

[Broken hearted fool, willing to give in,
to some whore from the street full of sin.
Ballads play in the dark, as the moon fights,
another hooker walks in as I say "Just For Tonight."]
^^ A great way to end the poem and also to tie the title of the poem in. I loved it.
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Overall, I LOVED this, I was amazed..am amazed guess I should say. The strength throughout the poem was balanced perfectly and aside from a few spelling mistakes, it was flawless. Probably one of my favorites from you. Great job Sweetie<3. :]
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Each multiplied by 10 to make it out of 100

Content - 10/10 ; 100%
Spelling & Grammar - 7.5/10 ; 75%
Appeal - 10/10 ; 100%
Flow - 10/10 ; 100%
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The Blue Roses
By: Terra
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Porcelain figurines smile sympathetically,
Synthetic tears roll from my tainted eyes;
screaming in agony while shattering to pieces.
Lying in a field of broken butterflies.

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[Tumbling through the passage of infinity;
Slowly watching as life passes by.
Moment by moment I feel my heart race,
I watch the blue roses as they show my disgrace.
The beautiful masterpieces bloom from the blackness;
When my own poetic justice was placed on cosmetically.
I yearn for their beauty, to glow within the shadows
But I sit here in the darkness, with only my dreams to guide me.
Where in a field I watch the roses aesthetically;
Porcelain figurines smile sympathetically.]
^^ I loved this stanza, the imagery really stood out to me. There were a few grammar mistakes but other than that it was perfect.

[Thrashing through my wildest of nightmares;
The roses call out, lighting a path for me
I feel my blood strain as they pull me along,
The air is so thick it sends shivers right through me;
Their leaves have been turned, facing upside down
I look to the skies, and I see my disguise
Floating above me, as if showing my fears,
Only to turn, and point out the worse.
The rain poured upon me, just to cover my lies
Synthetic tears roll from my tainted eyes.]
^^ I liked this, but just like in the first I haven`t gotten the point of the roses yet, a little more description on that aspect of them poem, in my view, is needed.

Thralled by the vines of the great blue roses;
I am held in a place where their light can no longer guide me.
Taking me to a place of a forbidden fortress
Where the walls are of gray, and their blue turns to black.
Forcing me to watch the mistakes of my past
I watch as my sanity and innocence decreases,
For their radiating blue, I can no longer see
They're no longer there to light a path for me
And the farther they take me the darkness increases
Screaming in agony while shattering to pieces.
^^ I loved this, but I still haven`t gotten the point of the blue roses, I thought at first they were bruises from abuse because you had blackness in a line after that, but I don`t see any more hints toward that theory or toward any theory on them for that matter.

[Tumbling through the passage of infinity;
I crash through the darkness, looking for light
Blue roses hidden with in the blackness,
Are no longer here, to protect my innocence
And I fall to the grass where I feel a fine powder
Little did I know it was leading to my demise
For with the tall grass I hear their wings shudder,
Up to the sky, but then there was silence;
And the blue roses uncovered my disguise,
Lying in a field of broken butterflies.]
^^ Loved this, the imagery and wording was very powerful.
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Overall, this poem was really good...I just think you needed to give a little more description to the blue roses. Hidden meanings in poems is fine, but with this it doesn`t quite fit because you can`t even take a guess at what it may be. Your vocab is impressive, I`ve always liked that; great job Dear.
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Each multiplied by 10 to make it out of 100

Content - 8/10 ; 80%
Spelling & Grammar - 7/10 ; 70%
Appeal - 9/10 ; 90%
Flow - 9.8/10 ; 98%
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Goodnight Moon
By: Wings of Flames

[His angels whisper,
A delight in the frost,
Of agony and sacrifice,
Infernal, we are lost,

I take the scabbed angel,
Crying deep sobs,
Each tear falling final,
And minds she has robbed,

Black turns the cauldron,
As the tears start to swell,
The unforgiven bleeding,
Inside their own hell,]
^^ I think the part of this poem that really pulled me in was the third stanza, the other two were good..no doubt about that, but it just really caught my attention with the third stanza.

["Take the pieces of me,
Give me all your hate,
Take what has become,
Change all my fate."

Her chapped lips close,
A massacre in dark,
The bloody streams flow,
Flickering with embark,

Her eyes shift and drip,
Heaven starts to cry,
As one angel lets go,
As one angel is left to die.]
^^ I didn`t quite like the ending, I think that repeating 'as' at the beginning of the two last lines really throws it off, the last line would sound better if the 'as' was replaced with 'and' even.

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Overall, I liked the poem; the imagery was very strong and that helped tie it together along with the wording that you used. Good job. :]
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Each multiplied by 10 to make it out of 100

Content - 8.5/10 ; 85%
Spelling & Grammar - 9.5/10 ; 95%
Appeal - 8/10 ; 80%
Flow - 10/10 ; 100%
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Having To Let Go [Triolet]
By: Ciao

Baby, I just can't live my life this way;
I'm sorry, but I have to let you go.
I've made up my mind - there's nothing left to say.
Baby, I just can't live my life this way.
Dragging myself through each day,
With nothing really to show.
Baby, I just can't live my life this way;
I'm sorry, but I have to let you go.
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Since I couldn`t pick it apart by stanzas because there was only one I`ll just have to do that here. I liked it, the first two lines were strong and pulled me in right away. It`s a poem that is easy to relate to which is also good, especially considering that it was so personal to you but other readers can take it and make it personal to themselves as well. A triolet is a very short poem, but you took advantage of it the best you could and made it so strong, kudos to that. :] heartchuu.<3
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Each multiplied by 10 to make it out of 100

Content - 9.8/10 ; 98%
Spelling & Grammar - 10/10 ; 100%
Appeal - 9.4/10 ; 94%
Flow - 9.7/10 ; 97%
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Enjoy This Ride
By: Kristi

[Enjoy this ride, the night is young,
The moon's guitar strings aren't strung.
Leaves rustle in the soft moonlight,
Enjoy this ride, young is the night.]
^^ I LOVED this as an opening stanza, the imagery of the moon`s guitar strings really stuck with me. :]

[A nearby baby's cry is heard,
As delicate as a baby bird.
The spider's web catches a fly,
A baby's cry is heard nearby.

The streets extend, they twist and turn,
As some fire wood is burned.
Smoke running makes the chimney hiss,
The streets extend, they turn and twist.

On the highway, horns are honked,
In the back seat, kids are zonked.
Out of anger, words are sworn,
On the highway, honked are horns.]
^^ The imagery in these was amazing, I could picture every thing that was being written about; I like finding that in a poem. :]

[Corn rows decor, left and right,
Finally in the countryside.
Pulling over, swift and deft,
Corn rows decor, right and left.

Open the doors, we come outside,
The stars are shining, full and bright.
The moon's guitar strings are now strung,
Open the doors, outside we come.]
^^ A great way to end the poem in my opinion. You were able to balance the strength of the poem maturely and it shows with the ending.
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Overall, the poem was great..it was about life, about nature and and had a little bit of humor in it too. Someone that can balance more than one category into a poem while keeping the reader interested is a very good writer in my opinion. Great job Hun. :]
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Each multiplied by 10 to make it out of 100

Content - 10/10 ; 100%
Spelling & Grammar - 10/10 ; 100%
Appeal - 10/10 ; 100%
Flow - 9.8/10 ; 98%

WINNERS AT BOTTOM

Shoebox moments, and here today. (:

Yes you can, forgot to add that in the rules. Whoopsiedoodle. :]

:O i want all of these!!!

i will probably only be able to write one of them...but theres no reserves really so...

I'll take

08. Shoebox Moments
21. Life, Fall Fast Now

and can i change the title to Shoebox Memories?

i'll get on this when i get home =D

Okay, I definetly want 'The Weekend' and 'Shoebox Moments' even though I'll probably only get to one of them lol

21. Life, Fall Fast Now

Ooh the rhyming isnt too great in mine but i kinda got chills writing is so here it is

Shoebox Memories

Thoughts and memories buried,
In the back of my mind,
But something is wrong,
You seem to fade with time,

I try to cope day by day,
And I feel Im losing touch,
I forget how you'd laugh,
Or make me smile and such,

Looking through this box of notes,
A tear falls and lands on your cheek,
As I reach to wipe it away,
I hear your voice and the words you speak,

"Baby, dont wipe those tears,
I'll always be by your side,
Even though I cant be seen,
Believe we'll be together; confide"

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What i meant by the tear falling on your cheek...was the person looking at a picture of the loved one

Shoebox Moments

Sitting upon her dusted desk top
Is a painted yellow shoebox;
Within it are the moments
In which they were all happy.

A blue Mexican hat sings out in sorrow;
As it brings tears to her own blue eyes,
Remembering the days when they
Were each other's pizza slices.

A rock broken in three, each resembling them
Rock, Paper, Scissors, always to be connected
It was their pact, to never leave each other
But the high school years tore them apart.

Rock, her dearly beloved rock
Held them together when things were tough,
She was their strength. She was their stone...
Until she herself, broke down to nothing.

Paper, she was their paper
They wrote their secrets, and shared their pain
She couldn't be burned, or ripped or cut apart
Because she loved them, and she still does.

Scissors, her sacred scissors
Touched their souls with her loving cuts,
She was their protector, she was their soul
And even now, scissors is indeed her protector.

In this shoebox the memories do sing
A lullaby that won't leave her head,
Of the days that they were indeed
Rock, Paper and Scissors.

I am going to have to unsreserve Silloettes. its not working out for me dear.

I am going to unreserve fall fast now. sorry

Okay, let me reserve! =]

Just For Tonight
It's You
Do You Miss Me
Something Incredible

Hopefully I can get these all done. =] Gotta get to 300 sometime! lol

Ciao x3

I will reserve, here today and just for tonight.

Just for tonight [Acrostic]

Just for tonight, I wont think about you
Understanding my feelings, you can not do
So here I am now, without you
Tonight you will be out of my thoughts

For you are a waste of time
Ongoing hurt is all you caused
Ripping out my heart

Tears never stopped pouring
Out of these blue eyes
Night time falls and I'm still alone
I thought you would be there
Guiding me through
Holding me tight, never letting go
To think that I was completely wrong

Acrostic Poetry is where the first letter of each line spells a word, usually using the same
words as in the title.

Here today

When I think of you, I smile
You make my life complete
I never thought I would find you
You wipe me off my feet

This isn't a happy ending
For its never going to end
My happiness with you
Will be forever my friend

Walking down the aisle now
I'm happy you are here today
To make me your wife
And whisk me away

I will always love you
And never leave your side
For you have stolen my heart
I will always be your guide

To help you through
When things get tough
To lend you a hand
When it all gets rough

So I just want to say
That my love for you
Will never fade away
And I know you love me too

Okay, I have all afternoon to write my poems :) sooooo.... i'll get right on it :)

Just for tonight, and i might do another one later.

Just For Tonight

Everyday I wake up with someone new,
different girl everyday since I left you.
Whiskey in my blood, I don't have a heart,
every since that day when I tore it apart.

The hookers come and the hookers go,
but still I'm not satisfied, and it shows.
Tears fill my eyes as I kick them out,
none will know what this pain is about.

You knew me, held my tight in your arms,
fight away my fears, kept me from harm.
Now your gone and this what I've become,
hellbent on lust, only wanting to get some.

Broken hearted fool, willing to give in,
to some whore from the street full of sin.
Ballads play in the dark, as the moon fights,
another hooker walks in as I say "Just For Tonight."

first explicit poem, hope we can post them in here.

The Blue Roses (Glosa Versa)

---------------------------------------------------------
Porcelain figurines smile sympathetically,
Synthetic tears roll from my tainted eyes;
screaming in agony while shattering to pieces.
Lying in a field of broken butterflies.

------------------------------------------------------------

Tumbling through the passage of infinity;
Slowly watching as life passes by.
Moment by moment I feel my heart race,
I watch the blue roses as they show my disgrace.
The beautiful masterpieces bloom from the blackness;
When my own poetic justice was placed on cosmetically.
I yearn for their beauty, to glow within the shadows
But I sit here in the darkness, with only my dreams to guide me.
Where in a field I watch the roses aesthetically;
Porcelain figurines smile sympathetically.

Thrashing through my wildest of nightmares;
The roses call out, lighting a path for me
I feel my blood strain as they pull me along,
The air is so thick it sends shivers right through me;
Their leaves have been turned, facing upside down
I look to the skies, and I see my disguise
Floating above me, as if showing my fears,
Only to turn, and point out the worse.
The rain poured upon me, just to cover my lies
Synthetic tears roll from my tainted eyes.

Thralled by the vines of the great blue roses;
I am held in a place where their light can no longer guide me.
Taking me to a place of a forbidden fortress
Where the walls are of gray, and their blue turns to black.
Forcing me to watch the mistakes of my past
I watch as my sanity and innocence decreases,
For their radiating blue, I can no longer see
They're no longer there to light a path for me
And the farther they take me the darkness increases
Screaming in agony while shattering to pieces.

Tumbling through the passage of infinity;
I crash through the darkness, looking for light
Blue roses hidden with in the blackness,
Are no longer here, to protect my innocence
And I fall to the grass where I feel a fine powder
Little did I know it was leading to my demise
For with the tall grass I hear their wings shudder,
Up to the sky, but then there was silence;
And the blue roses uncovered my disguise,
Lying in a field of broken butterflies.

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**The four lines were taken from the poet, "XxX Synthetic Tears Run DryXxX (Jordan)" , and the poem was called, "Day As Dark As Night"

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Glosa-Verse:

A Spanish form invented by court poets in the 14th and 15th centuries. An opening quatrain, called a 'cabeza' is chosen from another poet, or song. The glosa elaborates or 'glosses' on the quatrain with four ten line stanzas, their concluding lines taken consecutively from the quatrain and their sixth and ninth lines rhyming with the borrowed tenth.

Goodnight moon plz

Goodnight Moon

His angels whisper,
A delight in the frost,
Of agony and sacrifice,
Infernal, we are lost,

I take the scabbed angel,
Crying deep sobs,
Each tear falling final,
And minds she has robbed,

Black turns the cauldron,
As the tears start to swell,
The unforgiven bleeding,
Inside their own hell,

“Take the pieces of me,
Give me all your hate,
Take what has become,
Change all my fate.”

Her chapped lips close,
A massacre in dark,
The bloody streams flow,
Flickering with embark,

Her eyes shift and drip,
Heaven starts to cry,
As one angel lets go,
As one angel is left to die.

I'm going to do another one; Do you miss me.

I'm sorry, i'm going to have to pull out due to personal issues.

Jenna, I'm trying to get these done.
I have like, all of them partially written.
I will TRY TRY TRY to get them all in soon.
I wrote one while I was sitting here that
I didn't even reserve for.
Go figure. :P
------------------------------

Having To Let Go [Triolet]

Baby, I just can't live my life this way;
I'm sorry, but I have to let you go.
I've made up my mind - there's nothing left to say.
Baby, I just can't live my life this way.
Dragging myself through each day,
With nothing really to show.
Baby, I just can't live my life this way;
I'm sorry, but I have to let you go.

````````````````````````
A Triolet is an 8-lined poem where the 1st, 4th, and 7th lines repeat as do the 2nd and 8th.
Rhyme scheme is ABaAaAB where capitals represent refrains.

I`ll extend this for one more day, ends tomorrow night.

Please reserve me #23: Enjoy This Ride.

thankies :)

Enjoy This Ride

Enjoy this ride, the night is young,
The moon's guitar strings aren't strung.
Leaves rustle in the soft moonlight,
Enjoy this ride, young is the night.

A nearby baby's cry is heard,
As delicate as a baby bird.
The spider's web catches a fly,
A baby's cry is heard nearby.

The streets extend, they twist and turn,
As some fire wood is burned.
Smoke running makes the chimney hiss,
The streets extend, they turn and twist.

On the highway, horns are honked,
In the back seat, kids are zonked.
Out of anger, words are sworn,
On the highway, honked are horns.

Corn rows decor, left and right,
Finally in the countryside.
Pulling over, swift and deft,
Corn rows decor, right and left.

Open the doors, we come outside,
The stars are shining, full and bright.
The moon's guitar strings are now strung,
Open the doors, outside we come.

Contest is CLOSED. Thanks for
the participation, judging will
begin now, results should be in
by later tonight or tomorrow
sometime. :]

Mmkay, this was a VERY hard contest to judge, every poem that was entered was good, I didn`t think I could narrow it down, but I had to lol...here are the results:

[keep in mind, your marks from the marking guide have nothing to do with the overall winner].

First - Britt with Poison Like Your Own [15]
Second - Bryebread with Just For Tonight [10]
Third - Kristi with Enjoy This Drive [5]
HM - Terra with The Blue Roses [3]
HM - disturbed one with Shoebox Memories [3]
Everyone else [2]

Please PM me your titles, I check those more.

If you were in any way offended by anything I said towards your poem then I am sorry.

CONGRATS WINNERS!!!! :]
everyone's poems were awesome!

[x0]
.Ciao.

Alrighty, I will give everyone else until Thursday night to PM me their titles, after that I will PM you your analysis + amount of comments that you get, I`m in a commenting mood :]

Woot! thanks alot. everyone did awesome.

grats.

i'll pm you some titles right now =)