She Walks

The night is dark, rain is strong, the trees lurk menacingly over the streets creating a canopy of darkness and the air. The air is full of sadness, despair, and anger. Too much for the clouds to take so they bleed. Silently they fall, drop by drop, washing it all away. She walks the streets, her head low, her body soaking wet. The rain drops mix with her tears. God is crying with her. She hears the wind blowing at the trees, throwing even more freezing water against her. Even the elements hate her. In the dark stormy night she blends in perfectly. This is what she is, a storm. It dwells deep inside of her, her storm. The night is cold and she feels at home yet she cries her invisible tears. The ones that fall but no one sees, no one hears, no one cares about. Walking is all she knows so she walks. Her arms sting with every rain drop that falls. The wounds are still open, she can see the blood through her sleeves, but she still walks. The human body can only take so much, she is forced to sit. She no longer feels anything. It doesn’t bother her that the bench is wet or that her pants are soaked. She feels nothing except for the storm, her storm, the storm inside. “ God please take me” she whispers to herself knowing that she will not get such a break. Slowly she pulls up her sleeves to see the fruit of her labor. The deep red is a vivid contrast off her delicate virgin skin. These gashes for a lifetime of anger, it doesn’t seem fair. The memories intrude her mind like a thousand needles piercing her head.
Back in her room she hears them “What’s wrong with her” the intruder yells. “ I don’t know. There’s nothing I can do anymore I’m sick of dealing with her” replies her mother. “ You need to do something with her she’s making everyone’s life miserable” he says. “ I will” she replies. Gently the door begins to open and her mother lurks before her. “ What’s wrong with you. I don’t understand why your not happy. You must be crazy. Normal children don’t act this way. They don’t sit on their beds in the dark doing nothing. What’s wrong with you!” She doesn’t make a move, she doesn’t dare to flinch from her position. One move and the act is over she won’t be able to hold back on her tears and she dares not cry. Tears are forbidden in the land of make believe. “ Will you not answer me. I hate when you do this. Why can’t you just talk. Your life is perfect how can you be so unhappy. You should be grateful for what you have. Your such a disgrace. I’m going to be forced to do something with you because I can’t live like this anymore. Your driving me crazy. Just be normal for Christ’s sake” Still she is a stone, not a move but she still listens. These words they sink in and she knows they are true. If she had a choice she would be gone. Tonight might just be decision night. She can’t go on making everyone’s life so miserable. “ Ugh your so horrible, you should be ashamed of yourself. Everyone says you’re a freak. No one understands you. You have no friends and its your fault. You have no future. No will love you because of the way you are. I’m so ashamed. I wish I never made the mistake of having you”. Every word causes a wound, the kind that will never heal, the kind that will always be exposed only to her. She will feel this pain on her own, no one to tend to her wounds, she will suffer alone. Alone is a word she knows too well. Alone is how she feels, alone is what she is, alone, alone forever alone.
She leaves frustrated that her child is a failure. All she ever wanted was a little girl who was perfect. She had dreamed of it all her life. Her daughter would be beautiful in every way. They would be best friends. The perfect mother and daughter couple. She wished upon the wrong star and was cursed with this thing. This ugly fat worthless person she was forced to call a daughter. What a cruel hand fate had dealt her. “ I hate you. You’re my biggest mistake. I hate you” she whispers to herself as she settles in the arms of the intruder.
Alone again she lets herself cry. The long awaited tears of her wounds. The pain she was forced to keep in because in the land of make believe no one cries. These tears plentiful enough to dissipate the longest drought, strong enough to quench Satan’s flames, deadly enough to drown away all emotion. “ I hate you. Your stupid. No one will ever love you. You should die. What’s wrong with you. Die you stupid fat cow. Freak your such a freak!” say all the voices. Trying to fight away all these angry words she rips out chunks of her hair. She deserves the pain. This is her pain, her punishment, her life. The voices don’t dare cease they repeat and intensify with every passing second. In the corner of her eye she sees her savior. A brand new razor blade, shiny, cold, deadly. Her savior. Unknowingly she picks it up and holds it in her hand. What a familiar feeling. Her hands are trained, it’s become second nature.
Slowly at first she slides it against her wrists. The tears don’t let her see, her sobbing won’t let her be still. Thin red lines start to appear. Her life lines, her crimson tears. Not even her crying can block out the voices. Every cut and every scar carries a meaning. “ I hate you.” There’s the first cut. “ What’s wrong with you,” Slice. “You’re a mistake.” There’s the third. Every cut has a meaning tonight is she is meaningful. “ Your stupid” “No one loves you” “ You should die no one will miss you” slice, slice, slice. She can’t feel it anymore. It’s all numb. It would be stupid to just make empty cuts with no meaning and no feeling. No she can’t do this she can’t let herself get stupid. She stops and her savior is put away. Another day he will be needed to take the pain away and in her secret hiding spot he will always be. Maybe she isn’t alone, she has her blade. Plus she has her friends Ana and Mia. They are her only means of support. Only ones that make her feel good about herself. They are the only way she can get compliments or the envious looks she finds herself giving to all those other girls. Yes, Ana and Mia are her life, her friends, they have become her. Sadly not even they can save this poor lost soul. This is beyond resolution.
Still she sits in the darkness of the cold wet night. The bleeding has ceased and her pain is numb. She feels nothing she is nothing so she walks. She walks into the dark wet night because she is alone and the pain is plentiful tonight. “ What have I done to be abandoned like this. Am I such an evil person? I try my best at everything I do. I make everyone else happy. Is it my fault that they hate me. I hate myself to. How can’t I everyone else does. I am nothing.” she whispers as she walks. The tears haven’t ceased. They still mingle with the rain. God’s tears. Is he crying for her. She wishes she knew. But why should he cry over someone so awful like herself. No he doesn’t cry for her. She doesn’t blame him for turning his back on her. She knows she deserves it but doesn’t know why. All that she knows to do is cry and walk because that is all she is good for. Misery and wondering. What a waste of a human soul. The perfect mistake disguised as a beautiful girl. She doesn’t see the beauty. How can you when life has blinded you. “ What the fuck is wrong with me! What have I done to be abandoned like this! Why me of all the fucking people in the world! Why me!” she screams on the top of her lungs into the dark torrential sky. Silence no answer and she walks. There’s no use in fighting it so she walks. The tears stream and her arm bleeds but she walks. Walks back to her room lays in her bed and in her mind she still walks. Children aren’t supposed to cry and in the land of make believe there are no tears so she leaves. Her body is there but her mind is gone because she walks

* You guys probably know me by now and i wrote this like last week and I really wanna know what you gusy think because it would really mean alot to me. I'll keep posting just tell me what you think*

Thank you thank you lol. Yah this is my first story but i've written tons of poems I'm trying to do everything. Yah i think you know who this girl is i.e. ME lol. I wrote this about my life and some things that have happened. Communicating has just made it worse. I've learned that you have to hide things and I've hidden them now and i'm better off. thanks for commenting your one of the only people lol.

This is amazing. Enough said. lol

WOW that was so good, I can relate to parts of it, I dont really know what to say about it except its great I love it