Quickie Contest [[Ciao<3]]

Okay guys! I printed out all the poems, read them and then made comments about each one. :) It was a tough contest to judge and everyone did wonderfully. :]

Merry Go Round:
This was a very intersting poem. I enjoyed the title, I thought it was very creative. You have a very good way with words. The flow was really good and I like the unusual words like "child" and "defiled". An enjoyable read.

Radios and Paper Hearts:
I really enjoyed this poem. The title drew me in and I was held until the end. I liked the way you only used two lined stanzas. Not a lot of people can do this and make a good poem out of it. Your choice of words was excellent.

Poison Like Your Own:
I haven't read, nor attempeted this style, but I can see that you have mastered it. I liked the use of the rhymes "destruction" and "dysfunction". It is quiet originall. The flow was flawless and it was really enjoyable.

Come So Far, Got So Far To Go:
First off, I loved this poem! It was amazing! I could truly feel your pain. I don't think you could've wrote this poem in any other style and pull it off as well as this. Your rhyming was good. I was afraid that at some points it would be too cliched, but you didn't dissappoint me. :)

Music:
This was a very pretty poem. I can't live without my music, I could relate real well to this piece. The only thing I don't like was all the commas at the end of the lines. Other punctuation could be used as well.

So What:
I've read this before yet each time I love it even more! The ending stanza is a shocker because after she gave it all up, he cast her off in shame. I really loved the way you used the Hindi song in here. Unique and quite pretty. This Glosa Verse is flawless!! LOVE IT!!

Beseech The Night:
Amazing! I totaly wasn't expecting what I got from reading this. I don't know many people who can use the Old English language like you did and yet I can still understand it. It reminded me of Romeo and Juliet.

Car Crash:
This was a very sad piece. The fact that it didn't rhyme made it all the more real to me. I hope that this is a fictional piece. The pain, though, seems too real to be fictional.

How I see you...:
I don't know if this is a style or not, but I really enjoyed it! The way that you continued the next line with the word that ended the line before it was really something. The rhyming was good, as was the flow.

Guided by voices:
I have someone who wen to fight in this war so your poem hit really close to home. Though he's home safe, more and more people can't say that. Even though your poem was short, you didn't need to say anything more. The emotion is clearly there.

Okay, here are the placings:

1-[Raveena] 10
2-[Jordan] 7
3-[Britt] 5
H/M-[Brittany] 3
H/M-[debbylyn] 3

Numbers are amount of comments. Please PM your titles to me. Congrats winners :)

Ciao<33

#1

Merry Go Round.

In a whirlwind of fantasies only one becomes true,
as so patiently I await the day I get to marry you.
Forever and a nightmare planted upon elm street,
lies the murdered bodies of which your only defeat.
And, ignorance is bliss when you don't have a clue,
the reason you're in love with me until I'm in love with you.

But, my mind is on vacation not keeping track of time,
and your love is seeping in this merry go round soul of mine.
Without notice of what's been done, I turn the other way..
Wanting answers to reasons I didn't have to give away.
Perhaps this little torture is a bit out of line,
but if you only knew your heart is really mine.

I can be played just to play again, I'm no feeble minded child.
I can handle myself and I can handle you, for your pride is defiled.
You see the truth that lingers deep within my weary soul,
can see through the fog and your heart of which isn't whole.
For, the way you've let it out is a little bit wild,
and the way you're holding it in proves your minds defiled.

I'm winning this game with my arms tied behind my back,
and as I said before, with vacation, there's a lot I lack.
Such as the right state of mind, of which you're taking over..
But, trust me when I say that this game of yours is over.
For, I've said it a million times and there's nothing I take back.
So, when I say it's over there's nothing I shall lack.

- - - - -
Title given by Kenneth. xD

#2

Radios And Paper Hearts:

Let the words flow from the radio, make the silence go away
emotions blasted through the speakers, with every word they say.

Lets cut out paper hearts again, and scatter them on the floor
for a valentine who doesn't care, and a girl who's loved no more.

Blast the radio tonight darling,drowned out all your cries
hide yourself behind that mask again, in a world filled with lies.

Dance around the floor once more, and we'll give it one last go,
the music slips through the walls tonight, and no one even knows.

The DJ plays her favorite song, that reminds her of a guy,
the song she cries to every night, as she replays their goodbye.

Let the music make your eardrums bleed, such a pretty sight,
make this moment Kodak perfect honey,and dance away the night.

Collapse onto the wooden floor, her body so weak and frail,
the blood rushing from her broken heart, her face is running pale.

So lets blast the radio darling, and let the paper hearts bleed out
cuz tonight every thing's gonna fade away, drowning out the shouts.

#7

Beseech The Night (Sonnet I)

A universe within thine eyes delight
Tears well and spill the heaven's mirrored stars
Celestial dreams in hazel tinted night
Eternal pools displaying rippled scars
Your sweet caress my empty arms denied
Longing words fall to silent lonely cries
A poet's verse to quell the ebbing tide
Through lips bereft of whispered breaths and sighs

Oh Love! beseech the night's divine intent
One last bequest of morning's perfect smile
Against thy breast a beating heart content
Embracing gentle comfort for a while
Day breaks her golden glorious sorrow
Blissful slumber keep us 'til the morrow

#8
Car crash
You think of all the kids laughter.
They are not laughing anymore.
You remember their harsh words.
They do not speak that way anymore.
You think of how you lost everything.
Your an orphan left alone.
You remember the pain it caused,
The tears you never cried.
You remember the sound,
The sound of the screeching tires.
You think of the loud horns that were honking.
You remember colliding
Your seat belt tightening against you.
The windows shattered,
Glass hiding your face and body!
You get jerked forward,
Then get thrown back into the seat with suck force!
Making you get whiplash.
I remember something hitting me hard.
A sharp pain goes through you.
Then everything was black.
You here people screaming,
Someone is touching you.
You here voices say,
I think she is alive!
Then you hear the sirens,
And see the flashing lights.
There are more voices,
Then somebody or some people are near you
Talking into your face.
Can you here me?
I do but I was to weak to nod or answer.
Then you feel hands grabbing you.
You are lifted up onto something,
Then strapped in.
I remember the ride to the hospital,
People pocking you,
Sticking needles into you,
Then some mask put on you.
Then nothing.
I woke up in a hospital bed.
Gifts and flowers all around you.
You can here people talking quietly.
They are crying, but why?
I never really understood I remember what went.
I just remember being told,
That everyone except me,
My mom, dad and brother
All died that day.
I remember I tried to cry but could not,
The pain was too great.
I could not even speak,
I did not want to eat!
I just wanted the nightmare to end,
I did not want to except the truth..
But I know I must!

#10

Guided by voices

Looking at the television screen
She can't believe what she just saw
Bomb blast and dead bodies
Do they know what they are fighting for?

Friends and family back at home
Praying everyday that they will survive
Hoping that all their loved ones
Will come home alive

They are guided by voices
That they hear everyday
By the big man at top
The one who sent them away

What has this achieved?
Nothing but death and heartache
Another day, more dead bodies
This war was a big mistake

Aww, i was to late. :'(

Closed! I will be judging this soon!! thanks for the quick response!! :]]

Okay guys! I printed out all the poems, read them and then made comments about each one. :) It was a tough contest to judge and everyone did wonderfully. :]

Merry Go Round:
This was a very intersting poem. I enjoyed the title, I thought it was very creative. You have a very good way with words. The flow was really good and I like the unusual words like "child" and "defiled". An enjoyable read.

Radios and Paper Hearts:
I really enjoyed this poem. The title drew me in and I was held until the end. I liked the way you only used two lined stanzas. Not a lot of people can do this and make a good poem out of it. Your choice of words was excellent.

Poison Like Your Own:
I haven't read, nor attempeted this style, but I can see that you have mastered it. I liked the use of the rhymes "destruction" and "dysfunction". It is quiet originall. The flow was flawless and it was really enjoyable.

Come So Far, Got So Far To Go:
First off, I loved this poem! It was amazing! I could truly feel your pain. I don't think you could've wrote this poem in any other style and pull it off as well as this. Your rhyming was good. I was afraid that at some points it would be too cliched, but you didn't dissappoint me. :)

Music:
This was a very pretty poem. I can't live without my music, I could relate real well to this piece. The only thing I don't like was all the commas at the end of the lines. Other punctuation could be used as well.

So What:
I've read this before yet each time I love it even more! The ending stanza is a shocker because after she gave it all up, he cast her off in shame. I really loved the way you used the Hindi song in here. Unique and quite pretty. This Glosa Verse is flawless!! LOVE IT!!

Beseech The Night:
Amazing! I totaly wasn't expecting what I got from reading this. I don't know many people who can use the Old English language like you did and yet I can still understand it. It reminded me of Romeo and Juliet.

Car Crash:
This was a very sad piece. The fact that it didn't rhyme made it all the more real to me. I hope that this is a fictional piece. The pain, though, seems too real to be fictional.

How I see you...:
I don't know if this is a style or not, but I really enjoyed it! The way that you continued the next line with the word that ended the line before it was really something. The rhyming was good, as was the flow.

Guided by voices:
I have someone who wen to fight in this war so your poem hit really close to home. Though he's home safe, more and more people can't say that. Even though your poem was short, you didn't need to say anything more. The emotion is clearly there.

Okay, here are the placings:

1-[Raveena] 10
2-[Jordan] 7
3-[Britt] 5
H/M-[Brittany] 3
H/M-[debbylyn] 3

Numbers are amount of comments. Please PM your titles to me. Congrats winners :)

Ciao<33

Britt, you're done. :)

debbylyn, I will get to yours asap.

Brittany, Jordan, and Raveena, please PM me your titles. :)